ERP 001: Turning Confusion Into Clarity (When You Are Feeling Stuck In Your Relationship)

By Posted in - Podcast February 5th, 2015 0 Comments

If you have ever felt confused in your relationship, this episode offers a 5 step process to gain more clarity. This process will help if you are feeling confused about a small issue or if you are feeling confused about a bigger concern in your relationship.

Over the many years of working with clients with relationship concerns, especially with my individual clients, they often express feeling confused about how to resolve concerns in their relationship and even feel confused about whether they should continue in the relationship.

More often than not, clients get stuck in this confused place – going back and forth – for weeks or even sometimes years. Usually, this confusion is an attempt to avoid dealing with the real genuine feelings underlying the concern.

Here are 5 steps to consider:

1. Create the Space: Take time and give yourself permission to feel, drop in to your experience. Take an honest heartfelt look at your experience.

2. Feel your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel. Be open and real with yourself. Notice and follow the lead of your emotion. An emotion usually has a beginning, middle, and an end. If you allow the process to flow, you will usually get to a place of understanding, learning, and/or insight.

3. Encourage the Process: Stay with the process. If you identify a feeling, stay curious. Ask yourself, “Is there more?” or “Tell me more.” Have inquiry and wonder about your experience, “What is not working?” and “What am I wanting?”

4. Support: Be gentle with yourself. Set aside the critical voice. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable, afraid, and vulnerable. Consider what would be supportive for you (i.e. time in nature, alone time, taking a bath, time with a friend). Trust there will be good that comes from the process.

5. Learning: As mentioned in #2, if you stay with the process, with a curious and present approach, you will probably get to a new awareness, understanding, or perspective. This will offer you a learning of some sort and possibly a next step. You do not have to figure out or be responsible for knowing how to work it all out. The goal is to know more about yourself and your underlying needs or desires.

I would love to hear from you. Please let me know if you have any questions. You can leave me a voice message, by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

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Thank you.

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Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication

Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication.

Stop the criticism loop, learn new ways to communicate
and strengthen the connection with your partner.


Dr. Jessica Higgins ~ Relationship and Transformational Coaching