ERP 005: Expectations In Relationship (5 Considerations Your Want To Be Aware Of) Part 2
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Our expectations inform how we relate and react to others. Usually, we don’t stop to look at why we have certain expectations and whether or not they serve our relationships. Even when our expectations go unchecked and unevaluated, they steadily have a big impact on our perceptions and reactions. In this episode, I discuss the last 5 tips (of 10 tips) to consider when exploring your expectations in relationship. If you missed the first episode, you can listen to it here.
6. GIVING PEOPLE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
- People are generally doing the best the can.
- We all assign meaning to actions and behaviors. Usually, our perception and beliefs are very different that our partner’s beliefs and associations.
- “How would I feel, if I trusted he/she is doing the best that they can?”
- Trusting can be a challenge.
7. SEEKING SUPPORT, IF YOU NEED IT.
- Expressing your needs and giving someone the benefit of the doubt can be tricky territory, especially if you have ever had the experience of not getting your needs met in the past.
- If you feel a strong reaction, feel threatened, or really protective, than this may be a good indication that there may be an underlying hurt or an unmet need.
- Here is the research paper that I mentioned (click to download) Adult Attachment in Romantic Relationship
- Getting support can give you the space to learn more about your feelings, reactions, and needs, as well as give you the tools and resources to work with your feelings more effectively.
- You can get support through many avenues, like through self-help books, articles, groups, workshops, and one-on-one coaching/counseling. It’s never too late to have a different experience, learn new tools and skills, and to start practicing them.
8. RECEIVING THE LOVE PEOPLE HAVE TO GIVE IN THE WAY THEY GIVE IT.
- While it is important to advocate for our needs and desire, it can be equally important to receive someone’s love and attention.
- You may be surprised that someone’s gift is better than you could have dictated.
- What would be different if you released your attachment? Would you feel a shift in the dynamic?
- Instead of evaluating, critiquing, and criticizing, what can I appreciate right now?
9. ALLOWING FOR SPACE AND MYSTERY.
- Without a lot of expectations, you will be more in the moment and available to be pleasantly surprised.
- You will be more likely to receive someone’s gesture as a genuine and authentic gift.
- If you are distracted, preoccupied, or attached to a particular outcome, you may miss the connection.
- Allowing space for people to meet you in the best way they know how can be a beautiful and powerful experience.
10. UNDERSTANDING THE GIVE AND RECEIVE NATURE OF RELATIONSHIPS.
- In successful relationships, there is a good level of ownership, honest communication, and a mutual dynamic of giving and receiving.
- The way in which people give can be very different, depending on the situations, their style, and personalities.
- Actual authentic compatibility may be more about how two people can accept each other and foster each other’s development, rather than how similar they are.
If you would like more discussion on this topic, I wrote a blog about this topic – to read it click here.
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