ERP 017: What To Do When You Are Feeling Lonely In Relationship Part 2

By Posted in - Podcast May 28th, 2015 0 Comments

Show Notes: Be sure to listen to the episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips.

In this episode, we continue exploring what contributes to the experience of feeling lonely and disconnected in relationship. If you missed the first episode, you can find it here.

Here are some more reasons why we feel lonely in relationship and what we can do about it.

Reasons Why:

4. Lack Of Communication

  • Not being open and honest.
  • Not knowing how your partner is feeling.
  • Stalling or avoiding communication to avoid conflict.
  • Resorting to mind reading or assuming (versus checking things out with your partner).

5. Lack Of Consideration

  • Taking couple time for granted.
  • Not being cognizant or aware of the shared space between you and your partner, and what you are doing to contribute to the dynamic.
  • Trying to get your way all the time or dominating the relationship with your preferences.
  • Or not asserting your preferences and feeling overlooked.

6. Partner Is Not Available.

  • Wanting to feel close and connected to your partner, but he or she is not available.
  • Partner may be emotionally distant because they are upset or angry.
  • Partner may be withdrawn, protective, and uncommunicative. This is one way people deal with being upset and communicate unhappiness.
  • Partner may be tired, busy, overwhelmed, or ill.

7. sad-468923_1280 copyLack Of Authenticity

  • Not sharing or revealing how you are feeling.
  • Trying to change or control the dynamic by withholding your true thoughts and feelings.
  • Not being honest with yourself or with your partner.

8. Judgement Or Criticism

  • Judgement and criticism create disconnection.
  • Feeling defensive and misunderstood, in the face of judgement and criticism.

9. Walls Of Resistance

  • Defensiveness.
  • Inadequacy.
  • Uncertainty.

10. Loss Of Self 

  • Deferring or giving preference to your partner’s needs and desires.
  • Loosing touch with your own desires, interests, and friends.
  • Loosing your identity.

What To Do About It:

6. Self Regard

  • man-263413_1280 copyNot abandoning yourself.
  • Attending to and honoring your feelings.
  • Cultivating self-acceptance.
  • Staying connected to yourself.
  • Taking time for yourself, your interests, and your friends.
  • Taking responsibility for your needs and desires.
  • The Female Brain
  • Ted Talk on dealing with difficult emotions.

 7. Being Honest

8. Attitude Of Learning

  • Seeking to understand.
  • Entertaining your partner’s perspective.
  • Seeing your partner as learning and growing.
  • Having more compassion.

9. Valuing What Is

  • persons-768683_1280 copyAccepting (possibly grieving and letting go of what you initially wanted)
  • Looking at what you do have.
  • Looking for the good.
  • Holding gratitude.
  • Being patience.

10. Time for each other

  • Sharing in an activity together.
  • Talking.
  • Playing.
  • Being intimate.
  • Laughing.
  • Learning.
  • Being affectionate.
  • Valuing the share space together.

Thank you for listening. If you have more ideas or thoughts, I would love to hear from you. Please leave me a comment below.

Stay tuned. I am offering a free video series about core principles in relationship to launch my online relationship course. The free video series will often a lot of valuable information.

If you have a topic that you would like me to discuss or a situation that you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here. Thank you so much for being interested in improving the quality of your relationship.

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Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication

Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication.

Stop the criticism loop, learn new ways to communicate
and strengthen the connection with your partner.


Dr. Jessica Higgins ~ Relationship and Transformational Coaching