ERP 043: How To Transform Jealousy into Passion and Excitement

By Posted in - Jealousy in marriage & Podcast & Relationships November 30th, 2015 3 Comments How to Overcome Jealousy in Marriage

Jealousy in Marriage and Love Relationships

Mali Apple and Joe Dunn are authors, coaches, lovers, and best friends. Their bestselling book, The Soulmate Experience: A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationships has helped thousands of people around the world create relationships that are deeply connected emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. The sequel, The Soulmate Lover: A Guide to Passionate and Lasting Love, Sex, and Intimacy explores everything from connecting with your sexual energy to using sexual healing to transform challenges into heart-opening pleasure recently won the 2015 National Indie Excellence Award for Sexuality.

In this podcast episode, Mali and Joe talk about why we feel jealous, what you can do to work with it, and more importantly, how to transform it into connection and passion.

(These are Show Notes: Be sure to listen to the episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips.)

Key Points from Mali & Joe’s Interview:

  • 95% of feelings of jealousy occur when there is NO risk going on in the relationship (i.e. a partner is having an affair).
  • For jealousy in marriage, the feeling can range from a small impulse to very intense and overwhelming sensations.
  • Self-exploration is important. Ask yourself, “Where are the jealous feelings coming from?” Look at past experiences of abandonment, relationship, and low self-esteem to help find your answers.
  • It’s easy to think: “You shouldn’t be doing that because I make myself feel uncomfortable when you do that. Because of all the things I tell myself that it means.”
  • How to become the watcher of what you tell yourself when you start feeling jealousy come up.
  • ‘What lack do I feel inside myself and how can I address that? “
  • how to overcome jealousy in marriageHow to see your partner as a sexy, attractive, and unique individual.
  • We build trust through experiences with our partner, being able to talk openly and honestly.
  •  The importance of both inner security and relationship security (safe and strong connection).
  • You are free to admire other attractive people. You can be yourself. Find a way to expand who you are within your own marriage or love relationship.
  • There are foundational principles of acceptance in love relationships.
  • Commitments that are self-oriented.
  • There is never a guarantee in a marriage, love relationship, or in life.
  • The paradox of connection and freedom.


If you have a topic you would like me to discuss or a situation you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in overcoming fear and jealousy in marriage/love relationships! I believe in your success!

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to meet relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or getting some relationship coaching.

(3) awesome folk have had something to say...

  • Lucas Tindell - Reply

    December 1, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    My wife and I love what you two are doing. We believe that jealousy is overcome through transparency. If you give each other access to your heart you should also give them access to your social media, your friends, coworkers and all areas of your life. Real transparency extinguishes jealousy. My wife and I are relationship coaches help people with this all the time.

    • Dr. Jessica Higgins - Reply

      December 1, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      Hi Lucas, Thank you for commenting. I appreciate your input! I think emotional transparency is essential and transformative in relationship. I also like the idea of holding on to yourself and still having individual space, interest, and pursuits in relationship (i.e. being differentiated). I think there is a way to have both. I am sure Mali & Joe will appreciate your comment and feedback. Thank you for the work you are doing with couples and making a difference in the world!!

  • Mali Apple & Joe Dunn - Reply

    December 6, 2015 at 3:04 pm

    “Real transparency extinguishes jealousy.” We love this, Lucas. Thank you for furthering the conversation. And absolutely, Jessica, there’s a way to have this and also be self-responsible and self-evolving, Within a space of total acceptance of who each other is in this moment, as well as acceptance of what’s coming up for ourselves, we can both take full responsibility for our own experience AND share all that’s occurring for us internally, which allows us to both offer and receive assistance in healing from our own internal “gremlins.”

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