ERP 047: How To Create Alignment In Your Relationship

By Posted in - How To Improve Your Relationship & Podcast & Relationships December 30th, 2015 0 Comments alignment in relationships

How to use the end of the year as an opportunity to get more aligned

alignment in relationshipsWith the new year approaching, it is common to anticipate making changes with new ideas and goals. Some people set new years resolutions and other people focus on setting intentions. As the year comes to a close, it can be an excellent time to reflect on the past year and review. Did you make decisions to support your values and vision for your relationship and life?

What your calendar and spending summary can tell you

If you pull out your calendar and look over the year, you will be able to see where you invested your time and energy. In a calendar year, we all have 365 days, and we have a choice in how we spend this time.

alignment in relationshipsIf you look at your checkbook for the past year or your credit card/bank yearly summary, you will be able to see where you spent your money. Money represents value. We trade money for things we want and find valuable.

Did you invest your time, energy, and money into the things that matter to you? Did you allocate resources to support your top values and vision?

If not, can you be non-judgmental and accepting with yourself? Can you see this information as a source of learning? Can you seize the opportunity to improve your alignment in relationships. The more your choices match your values and vision, the happier, healthier, and more successful you will be.

Your physical environment as a metaphor

alignment in relationshipsA client recently told me about a book titled “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing” (*Amazon Affiliate link). He described the simple philosophy of only having possessions you love and having a place for everything in your home.

There are many approaches to decluttering and organizing your home. Some people believe your physical environment reflects your inner world. If your home is cluttered and chaotic, then so is your inner state. Other people believe the organization of your home creates flow, harmony, and intention into your life. Just like gardeners will weed around the plants the are growing, it can be helpful to get rid of the things in your physical space that no longer serve your values or support your vision.

Being aligned in your relationship

Every day you are investing in your relationship with your thoughts and behaviors. Are you thinking and behaving kindly, positively, and lovingly? Or are you being critical, judgmental, and resentful? Even your emotions contribute to a positive or a negative cycle with your partner. The way you engage and relate is either supporting your relationship values and vision or breaking them down.

alignment in relationshipsIf you realize you are not participating in a positive cycle within your relationship, I want to encourage you to view this as an opportunity. There is probably a good reason why you are struggling to behave in ways that support your relationship goals. Some of the common reasons people have are unexpressed needs, unresolved concerns, and an inability to effectively and constructively deal with conflict.

I understand it can be an incredibly painful experience to be in a relationship that does not match what you ultimately want. However, there is hope. This is a workable situation if you take action to find alignment in your relationship. I recognize this is easier said than done. However, you have resources and help. If you would like my support in addressing these concerns, please contact me at [email protected].


If you have a topic you would like me to discuss or a situation you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in how to create alignment in relationships.

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Thank you!

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

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Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication

Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication.

Stop the criticism loop, learn new ways to communicate
and strengthen the connection with your partner.


Dr. Jessica Higgins ~ Relationship and Transformational Coaching