ERP 048: What To Do When You Don’t Know How To Say “No” In Relationship
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You say “no” all of the time.
Any time you make a choice, you say “yes” to something and “no” to something else. Even if you are not overtly saying “no”, you are still choosing out of certain relationships and activities, while choosing in on others.
The downside of always trying to please your partner.
In relationship, you will experience times when your partner wants something different from what you want. What do you do? Whatever choice you make in that moment will probably have no drastic impact. However, if you repeatedly choose to please your partner, then the cumulative effect may pose some very difficult challenges for you down the line. Most notably, you will have lost yourself. Over time, you have essentially taken yourself out of the relationship. You have left your preferences and needs on the sidelines. You will probably feel unhappy, dissatisfied, and maybe even resentful.
No one said it was easy
Saying “no” or stating an opposing view to your partner can be an extremely scary and uncomfortable thing to do, especially when you are not in the practice of doing it. It feels counterintuitive but the more you can be honest and authentic, the more you will be investing in the growth of your relationship (and you). How can you have a genuine and passionate relationship when you put your needs aside and take yourself out of the relationship?
Keep the end goal in mind
Often times, the process looks messy and feels painful. However, if you can believe in the end result of a win-win, then you will be more motivated to deal with the discomfort. If you can learn to tolerate some initial discomfort, then you will be investing in your relationship and individual growth.
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If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or doing relationship coaching work with me.