ERP 051: How To Thrive With ADHD In Your Relationship

By Posted in - adhd in romantic relationships & How To Improve Your Relationship & Podcast January 29th, 2016 4 Comments adhd and romantic relationships

Melissa Orlov is the author of two award-winning books – The ADHD Effect on Marriage (2010) and The Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD (2014, with Nancie Kohlenberger). She is considered one of the foremost authorities on ADHD and romantic relationships – counseling ADHD-affected couples, and teaching marriage professionals about effective marriage therapy for couples impacted by ADHD. Orlov runs a very popular and effective 8-week phone seminar for couples and is the primary blogger at

(These are Show Notes: Be sure to listen to the episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips.)

Melissa Orlov talks with us about the impact of ADHD and romantic relationships, as well as in marriages. She describes the common signs and clues of ADHD and how it manifests within intimate relationships. She explains the predictable patterns that couples go through and where couples get stuck in unhealthy dynamics.

“ADHD is misnamed. It is not about attention deficit. It is actually about attention dysregulation.”

Melissa offers insight into her work of helping couples shift out of these negative patterns so that they can work together more effectively and positively. She also emphasizes the importance of managing the ADHD symptoms in a healthy way.

She shared three main points to her work:

1, Gaining awareness and education about ADHD.

2. Working hard to let go of problematic relationship patterns and create new relationship interactions and patterns that are more productive and positive.

3. Being compassionate and empathetic to your partner.

Melissa encourages people to view learning about an ADHD diagnosis as a good thing. She shares that between 70-90% of adults with ADHD can significantly improve the management of their ADHD symptoms with the right treatment.


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(4) awesome folk have had something to say...

  • Ron Trout - Reply

    October 23, 2016 at 11:17 am

    My names is Ron, this November my wife and I will be married 36 years the discription in clip 051 matches or marriage to a tee.
    We have 5 young people 26 down to 16 what will the diagnosis look like, are medications the answer. I won’t have a appointment for two months. How do I improve without a proper diagnosis? The holidays will be hell ! What can I do in the meantime?

    • Dr. Jessica Higgins - Reply

      October 24, 2016 at 5:06 pm

      Hi Ron,

      Thank you for reaching out. Have you checked out: I think they offer a lot of really great resources specific to your question. I am happy to hear you are looking into ways to improve your life and marriage. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do to be of support. Thank you.

  • Andy - Reply

    September 16, 2020 at 8:26 pm

    Thank you for this. Being compassionate and empathetic to your partner is one of the best ways to make your relationship last.

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Dr. Jessica Higgins ~ Relationship and Transformational Coaching