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TOPIC: Wholeness in relationships

Guest Jeff Howard

Jeff is a Reichian/Somatic Psychotherapist in Boulder, Colorado who works with men, women, couples, Men’s groups, and members of the LGBTQ community in an emotion-focused, body-centered way. His work centers on relationship—both with self and other—and the ways that unacknowledged trauma can inform how we are in relationship. He also works in the realms of soul & shadow, while using awareness practices as a means to clarify our unique purpose in life.

In this episode, Jeff Howard talks with us about conventional views on relationship and intimacy can hinder and harm us. He helps give us some tools on how to gain more authenticity and wholeness within our intimate partnerships.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to gain access to the full conversation, points, and examples.)

Jeff Howard talked about:

• Breaking down the belief that romantic relationship is the only source for intimacy and connection, as it is too much pressure for our partners to fulfill our every need.
• “My okayness doesn't rely on my partner's approval.” Healthy differentiation is about not over relying on other people for our wellness.
• Focusing on process over product.
• Letting go of the need to be perfect. “Showing up a little messy.”
• Looking at how we take these personally.
• Shifting into being curious. “Slow down and take a breath to consider another option.”
• The importance of proactively becoming aware of your wounds and tender spots as well as your partner's wounds and tender spots.
• Being in the practice of checking in with your partner and being in communication on a regular basis.
• Having a safe space to process can be really helpful (especially with really tricky topics).
• How most of us do not have good models or examples of how to deal conflict well.
• Helping men (and women) acknowledge their many different parts (especially the parts that we want to deny or consider shameful).
• How we often do not tell the whole truth.
• How to deal with anger more effectively.
• How to look at our triggers and patterns with more awareness.

Mentioned:

• Jeff Howard – Three Leaves Counseling (website)
• How To Build A Happy, Lasting Love – Webinar (webinar link)
• ERP 083: How Vibrant Community Helps Support Healthy Relationship With Christiane Pelmas (podcast episode)
• Bill Plotkin (website- about)

Transcript:

Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 101: How To Move Into Wholeness With Jeff Howard [Transcript]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Gaining wholeness in relationships help couples gain more authenticity within intimate partnerships.

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