ERP 102: What Do You Do When NOTHING Is Working Out? [Transcript]

ERP 102: What To Do When Nothing Is Working Out

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Welcome to The Empowered Relationship Podcast, helping you turn relationship challenges into opportunities and setting you up for relationship success. Your host, Dr. Jessica Higgins, is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach who shares valuable tips, tools and resources for you to dramatically improve your relationship.

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Hi, thank you for joining today’s podcast episode. Today’s episode is episode 102, What To Do When Nothing Is Working Out.

Before we get started, I want to invite you to a special opportunity – this will be happening in less than a week, so if you’re listening to this podcast sooner rather than later, you’ll want to hop on over to my website, which is DrJessicaHiggins.com, click on Podcast and you can find today’s episode closer to the top – the most recent episodes are there at the top. So you click on the show notes or the actual episode to get the show notes, and down towards the bottom there’s a section titled Mentioned. You will see a link for Build Happy, Lasting Love webinar.

This webinar is going to be happening Wednesday, 5th April, and you can check the registration page to get more details about your specific timezone. It will be 5 PM Pacific Time. I would love to share the time with you live — this podcast is really one-directional… And even though I’m gonna be presenting and teaching, I’ll be sharing with you the landscape of intimacy: what to expect, things to watch out for, and what we’re actually working towards, what our goals are in each developmental stage.

I’ll also be sharing an exercise with you to really deepen in this experience of some of what we’re talking about on this show and what’ we’re really geared towards here, which is building the capacity for deeper intimacy, and learning how to navigate the lulls, the down swings, the downturns, the upset that is going to happen, that’s part of living and breathing and being engaged in life; we’re gonna get challenged. That is also part of the principle and the practice that we’re talking about… Deepening in intimacy, as well as expanding our capacity, our resilience, our strength to tolerate some of what feels uncomfortable, that actually is transformational – it brings us through the other side.

On this presentation I’m gonna also be sharing with you a system, that you can work some of these practices in a more contained system, and I’ll be also offering an opportunity for you to engage in a six-month experience with me. So check that out… Again, you can find my website, DrJessicaHiggins.com, click on Podcast and you can find the show notes there on today’s episode. Today’s episode, again, is 102 – What To Do When Nothing Is Working Out. Also, on your device, if you click the show notes, or if you click on Empowered Relationship, there’s some features that will come up around different options. One of the options is Show Notes, and you can get that directly from your device.

I hope you’ll join me on the presentation. I’m very excited in getting a chance to connect with you more, answer your questions and deepen in this topic with you.

For today’s episode, What To Do When Nothing Is Working Out – this is actually a spontaneous podcast episode. I have been experiencing quite a bit of challenges in the last several weeks; those of you that have been listening to my show and are on my e-mail list have gotten the message that I had to reschedule the first scheduled webinar due to technical difficulties. I shared with you that the website had gone down, I was having difficulties with the SSL Certificate — anyway, just a litany of things, and it still continues. I had a project I was working on this last week, and I was just running up against all these software issues.

Also, my husband and I, we’re getting all of our bookkeeping materials – I do a Schedule C, and I was getting that to our CPA, and my bookkeeping software actually was reflecting different numbers than the data entry process that each individual accounts were showing. So it was super wonky, it’s still getting figured out, and I’ve just been like “What is going on?!” Nothing is working, and I was feeling a little stuck, feeling like I am not connecting the ways that I feel that I normally do.

I’m gonna share a little bit more personally with you today, but I just wanna answer this question about this podcast title, What To Do When Nothing’s Working Out, my typical stance is to really stay positive, to frame difficulty as “This is just part of it. This is part of what it looks like in the growing pains”, and even there’s times where I’ll say to myself or I’ll say to my friends, or even with my husband if we’re experiencing some challenged… You know, not while we’re processing and reflecting, but just in the in-between times I might just offer words of encouragement around “We’re growing!” or “I’m growing!” It’s just a reminder that this is part of the process.

If I were staying stagnant, I wouldn’t be experiencing this challenge, this discomfort. The fact that I’m trying to grow is presenting some discomfort, and negotiating that is part of the growing process… I say that to myself.

Yet, times like these, where everything that I’m running up against is like a roadblock definitely was causing pause… And not causing pause around the topic that I’m discussing and the material that I’m offering… This has been my life’s work; if you listen to episode 100, I talked about a dissertation that I wrote and even the years of study before that, and the culmination of working with hundreds, and really helping thousands of couples, and that I have no question about the material, the curriculum that I’m offering.

Just even the other day I’ve been working with this couple locally in Santa Barbara, and they’re so cute… They’ve been together for like 18-19 years, their last child is just graduating from high school, and I’ve been working with them for several months. The husband was initially extremely resistant to doing any type of coaching, and he was just telling me off-the-bat “I don’t think I’m gonna be able to do this. This is not a part of my personality. I don’t have feelings.” He was really telling me “This is not my jam, at all”, so I was like “Okay, let’s just be real, that’s absolutely fine and welcomed. Let me just share with you where I’m at and where my approach is, and we can go from there”, so really had no sense of force or agenda.

Well, I just saw them this week, and he was so sweet – he was like “I was talking to my friend who is about to get married, and I found myself telling him that they should really get coaching beforehand, on the frontend.” He was giggling, and he was telling me “I could not believe I was saying that… That I would be the person to be even promoting or recommending it”, and it was just a testament to how important this work is.

So again, I have full faith and full confidence in the topic where my causing pause was just my approach… It was just — I’m feeling blind, I’m feeling stuck; the fact that there’s not flow in the things that I’m doing… What’s going on with that? And the real kicker is that this morning I was scheduled to interview for The Empowered Relationship Podcast a very prominent psychologist in the field; I consider them complete A-listers. We’ve had this meeting scheduled for months, and they canceled or wanted to reschedule I think 15 minutes before we were to go on our interview.

I talked to them, and I was just making sure everything was okay; they were just explaining to me the situation and what was preventing them from showing up…

Anyway, I was disappointed, but also very understanding; that’s life… And I got off the phone and I started crying. I was just like “I don’t know what’s going on!” and I just have felt like I’ve been putting one foot in front of the other, and just really doing my best to move forward, even though I am maybe feeling a little uncertain about some of these strategies of how I’m moving through this from a business perspective.

So I took pause, and I basically was like, “Okay, let me acknowledge what’s going on right now and what I’m feeling, because I was definitely emotional. It was less about the interview getting cancelled, it was more of the accumulation of weeks and weeks of things just not working, and spending hours and hours trying to resolve things that in my mind should be working. This is obviously a setup, as you can hear my language… I’m talking about should’s and expectations and these types of things…

I have a weekly call that I get some coaching with a pretty big-named person in the strategic online business world, and after I had to schedule the webinar, I was telling him all the list of things that went wrong and I’m like, “Is this normal?” and he’s like, “Yes, it is unfortunately. It is normal. That’s just part of the process.” And since I don’t know – this is relatively new landscape for me – it’s easy to doubt, it’s easy to feel like it’s hard, I’m doing something wrong… So to get feedback that “No, it actually is normal and it is part of the process”  helps me frame it differently.

I appreciate this insight that it is normal, and there is something to be said about the continual roadblocks that I’ve been running into, so getting this cancellation this morning did bring me to an emotional place of like “Okay, is there something here for me to really look at and face?” So I actually wanna share with you some of my journal, my process, and I was talking about part of me feels blind to what’s going on. I feel like I’m treading and I’m not able to gain any traction.

I’m spending hours and hours really trying to put one foot in front of the other, and it’s just feeling like I’m spinning, like I’m staying in place, like I’m on a treadmill.

This is actually  kind of personal, and I’m just gonna read a little bit of an excerpt here:

“I feel as though I’m brought to my knees. I can’t ignore how many things aren’t working. Everything in me wants to shut down and curl up in a ball. I wanna feel safe, I want relief from the pain, yet I don’t wanna live the same way I have been living; I feel I can’t go back, and yet I don’t know how to move forward.”

It’s interesting, because when I need my practices – my growth practices, my spiritual practices – the most, I somehow convince myself that I don’t have enough time and that I can’t afford the luxury. But I know better… It’s my foundation, it’s my essence, it’s what’s most important to me.

“Is it possible that part of what’s happening here is that I need to incorporate all parts of my being? Is it that very thing that I know couples get challenged with, not feeling completely comfortable bringing all parts of themselves forth?”

So I go on to write about how, academically, my world has been more traditionally, in undergrad and in my master’s program, much more formal. My PhD program was more holistic. I studied somatic psychology, which is using the body; I studied positive psychology, which is looking at positive aspects of human nature, not just depression and anxiety and trauma… It’s looking at love, happiness, those types of things. And I also looked at spiritual psychology, and really looking at every part of the human experience, and wanting to honor that.

In this podcast – it’s so funny, I have friends that know me and they’re like “Oh gosh, I wish you could do video, because some of your personality doesn’t actually come through, whether or not it’s your heart and your love, or whether or not it’s just your warmth and your spirit…” and it’s possible that I have wanted to really bring credible information that is reputable and research-based, and have a lot of level of intellect that I’m providing, and it’s possible that I have been missing bringing more of my playfulness and my spirit.

I do feel that I subscribed to being spiritual, and I think in the field of psychology, especially in traditional therapy, the setup is usually where you don’t wanna bring a lot of your – as a helping person or a psychologist – personal lens to the space. You want the space to be as clean and neutral as possible, so that the client you’re focusing on can really feel your attentiveness and you’re with them; you’re helping them navigate their reality, so I’m not putting my definition.

Yet, 90% of (at least) Americans in the United States have some belief in some higher power. I grew up in a spiritual tradition that honors all world’s religions. I could name some people that you might be familiar with if you’re in the L.A. area…

There’s a minister in a church called Agape, and it’s Michael Beckwith and his wife, Rickie Byars Beckwith. So I grew up in a philosophy that’s very similar… There was a church in Portland, Oregon called Living Enrichment Center, and we would have these big-named speakers come. [unintelligible 00:17:36.09] was the minister, and she’s actually in the coaching world now, and teaching coaches and mentoring and does phenomenal work.

She’s done work with the Season for Nonviolence, the Dalai Lama… She’s done some really remarkable things in the world and had teachers from different philosophies come and speak, from Buddhism to Hinduism… And speakers like Marianne Williamson and Donald Neale Walsch, [unintelligible 00:18:12.06] the list goes on and on and on, so I feel privileged to have gotten contact with some of these very personal growth spiritual teachers.

So there’s this big aspect of my life that I have kept separate from my professional world, given my training, and as I create this space here on the Empowered Relationship podcast in the curriculum that I offer, I have intended that to be very neutral, allowing people to bring their own beliefs. Yet, it’s possible that I could’ve been omitting the opportunity to bring spirit, bring divine intelligence, bring people’s spiritual beliefs as a resource, of meaning-making, of value. So as I was writing in my journal this morning and just feeling like it’s possible that I have been omitting that.

It’s kind of an old paradigm to think that that’s not okay, or that I can’t bring that in and weave that into the conversation. Again, there’s that concept of separateness between the spirituality and the academic. So I was thinking about this and I was like “Oh, how fascinating this is!” This mirrors the very thing that I’m asking people to consider, is perhaps old paradigms, old ways of thinking, and bringing their full self to the table, and looking at new possibilities. What would it be like for me to bring all of myself to this podcast?

Part of me even wants to defend against that, like “Yes, I have absolutely brought every part of me.” I’ve really brought my fullest intentions to these shows, yet there has been a part of me that’s held back from maybe bringing in a story, or a tip that might have a spiritual aspect.

Even my dissertation had a psycho-spiritual growth element. It was looking at growth from a holistic perspective, and if you listen to that episode (100) you heard me talk about I did a meta-analysis, which is a study of other studies. So out of those ten studies, many of them, the participants had a spiritual practice. They had spiritual beliefs that helped guide them. So I just think that it could be valuable to bring into the fold here.

Again, as I was thinking about this process that I was confronting, I’m like “Wow, this is so similar to what it feels like to encounter emotional pain in relationship.” Everything that I’m doing, I’m running up against a roadblock. All of my efforts are not resulting in anything that I want. I just feel like I’m blind to what’s going on, I’m spinning, not having any traction, I feel pain… I just wanna curl up in a ball. I wanna shut down, I want relief, or I wanna avoid it. I want just whatever strategies we do to ignore the pain, whether or not it’s keep moving, keep forging ahead, fighting and pushing forward, or whether it’s numbing out through TV or food or shopping, or rigorous exercise… Whatever it is that we do distract ourselves.

It is extremely uncomfortable to feel this, and it definitely brings us to a place of real depth and vulnerability. Like I said in my entry, I felt brought to my knees… So I wanted to share a little bit about what I feel like is helpful here when nothing’s working out, and what do we do?

Oh, and let me just share… I did something that I think many of us do. In that angsty place, I googled – just to see, I was just curious – “when nothing is working” and there is a blog on what to do when nothing’s working out; it was the first hit. It’s published out of Elephant Journal, which they’re out of Boulder, Colorado, ironically… I actually know, I’ve kind of been watching their growth over the years, and this article is by Ruth Lera. I’ll quote here a little bit, but it’s more just something we do when we’re in pain… We want feedback, we want validation, we want some insight, and so one of the first things she was talking about is that it’s normal.

I was just talking to a client yesterday, a young woman who was sharing some upset, and her family just experiencing some health issues, and her boyfriend’s aunt has cancer, and just some real upset… And she’s sensitive and in touch with her emotions, and feeling like “Why is it that I’m impacted? Why does it feel so painful? Why do I feel so sad?” and I was trying to help validate for her that it’s supposed to feel sad. And if she looks around, it seems like everybody else is fine, that that might not be a good gauge. If she’s sensitive and she’s connected to her emotions, sometimes emotions need their process. They have a beginning, a middle and an end, and to not deny that, to not force ourselves to be unemotional.

Part of life is sad, and part of it is upsetting, and if we’re gonna be honest and real and authentic, part of it means feeling the upset. I don’t know how to avoid that. So I was trying to really help her build some recognition and some space that it’s okay… It’s okay to have a good cry, it’s okay to journal, it’s okay to do whatever helps you be honest and process some of the emotion. Call a dear friend that you know is gonna listen and offer that space.

It’s important to have the framework, because is she were to continue to say, “Oh, something’s wrong with me. I’m not able to handle things like everyone else”, she’s gonna approach that very differently, and probably really fight with herself. Like feel the emotion, shut it down; feel the emotion and then be blaming herself, feel the emotion and just this constant inner turmoil that usually doesn’t go away, it doesn’t result to anything that’s life-giving. So just to recognize that upset, and challenge is a part of the journey. So that’s number one, it’s just that it’s normal.

Number two – this doesn’t come from her article, this is something I’m just sharing about my own process, that I have found extremely helpful in relationship, when I encountered relationship challenge, and I’m also bringing to you that this is more of a business challenge, and it’s still helping me deal with when nothing’s working out. I felt like I had a shift, and I’m telling you some of the tips that helped me do that.

Because truthfully, as I was writing up this outline for the show, I’m like “everything’s relationship”, whether or not it’s business, marriage, parenting, friendship, family – it’s all relationship. How we interact with each other… Even though I’m talking to you through a microphone, I’m still relating to you, and how I bring myself forward matters, so it’s still relationship.

Okay, so number two is surrender. This is big for me… It might be easier for some of you than it is for others. For me, as I mentioned, I tend to have a personality that likes to forge ahead. And I don’t know that I’m super controlling, but I definitely have a vision, I have ideas around what I wanna execute, and I have a plan, and I can really wanna work that. So when nothing’s working out and I’m running into all these roadblocks, at some point I’m getting feedback – this is maybe not the right angle.

Again, I’m not doubting what I have to offer, it’s just the form. Regardless, the point here at number two is just what it would be like to just surrender. Let me just accept that my plan is not working, or what I’ve been setting out to do isn’t happening, isn’t working. When I did that this morning and when I’ve done that in the past, it’s this interesting dynamic… It feels as though I’m giving up, but I’m also giving in to trust. It’s this very odd thing of like “Okay, I give up, I surrender.” I throw my hands up, I throw in the towel and I just let go.

As I do that, there’s a sense of sadness and grief around “I give up. I’m not gonna fight anymore”, and then there’s also this kind of leaning in and feeling held by perhaps something bigger, or something better, trusting that life is still moving and flowing. There’s something else that I can trust – I can trust the process. So it’s more of a sensation of surrendering and letting go, and then feeling held. It’s almost like I’m getting this image of a child maybe in their two’s who just ranting and fighting and flailing, and at some point they’re not getting their way and they’re like “I just give up!” and just being held by loving arms and nurturing arms. It’s just like “I’m with you, I got you.” Like there’s another way, “You’re okay… It’s gonna work out, things are good”, and kind of that dance of fighting and resistance to feeling supported.

It reminds me too of the Buddhist philosophy. I’m not a Buddhist, but I think there’s a common wisdom in the Buddhist tradition that it’s the struggle, the resistance that creates suffering. Pain is inevitable. They talk a lot about impermanence, that nothing is ever gonna stay the same. Impermanence is part of life. The art of detachment – really not getting so attached to everything, because things are gonna always be changing. In that, if we are resisting pain or we’re fighting with some upset – people do this with grief; I do this with grief… If we don’t wanna accept something bad happened and we’re fighting it, then we’re resisting the pain, and it creates more suffering, rather than accepting “Okay, my car got stolen.” There’s processes… It’s normal to go through these phases of grief, but if we can recognize at some point that part of the resistance is creating more of the struggle…

I have a client that I have worked with for quite a while, and he is a young professional and has a lot going for him, and at the same time emotionally he grew up in a family dynamic where he didn’t have the — I was gonna say privilege or honor or whatever, but his mother was not available due to addiction issues, so he didn’t have that mothering voice and nurturing growing up, of like “You’re a good person”, and just that reassurance of his goodness.

In a little child’s brain – this is pretty much anyone – when their parent is not showing up or isn’t available, they often think it’s their fault. “It’s because I’m not good enough.” The development of the human brain at that young age just can’t conceive of anything else. We don’t have that complex thinking, so the child is gonna naturally think “I did something wrong” or “I’m not worthy.” So he’s in his mid-to-late thirties and has been really working through his inner beliefs around his worthiness and how this shows up in dating. He has talked about really wanting to have it all figured out. He wants to wear the right thing, and say the right thing, and do the right thing, and he is overthinking.

He’s describing these interactions where he feels like it’s awkward, he feels like it’s really forced, he’s not getting the response that he’s desiring, and there’s really little flow. As of recently, he’s been really playing with letting go, trusting the process, being himself, and the feedback that he’s getting is great.

I can even tell when I’m working with him his availability and what connection can get created in his being open and present, rather than so preoccupied with what he just said that might have been not the way he wanted to deliver it or what he wants to say. If somebody’s completely distracted and constricted, and they’re afraid of how they’re coming off, it almost creates the very thing that you don’t want. People are like “What’s going on with him? I don’t know where he’s at, but I don’t know how to connect with him.”

So the fact that he’s really just being himself, he’s starting to turn a corner in having a good time to get to feel positive feedback for just being him. It’s almost that concept of like the harder we try, the further away from our goal we get.

That makes me think of a couple other examples. I think people talk about if someone is panicking swimming, and they’re starting to feel like they can’t keep their head above water – not that they’re actually gonna drown; let’s say there’s a lifeguard there – the panic and the flailing and the splashing actually makes it harder for them to keep their head above water. If they didn’t have a lifeguard there, it could actually contribute to them drowning.

So part of it is relaxing, and then treading water, or even floating. The fact that we are buoyant – it’s a real irony there. Or I don’t know if any of you saw the movie “Contact” – it’s an older movie about intelligent life force beyond our universe, and there’s this – without going into the whole story – vessel that they got communication from other life, and they built this space travel contraption vehicle, and there was no seat contraption inside of it, so they added in – that wasn’t in their original specs or design – a seat protective contraption.
The scientist that was going in to travel in the vehicle was in this man-made contraption, and it was shaking her around and it was painful and uncomfortable, and it ended up breaking. Once it all fell apart, she was just floating, peacefully and safe and no harm, no discomfort…

It’s just this interesting thing that when we try to protect ourselves, we try to think it all through and we don’t trust the process, we could actually be creating more harm. Sometimes this stuff – the surrender – can be a breakdown to break through. This shows up in relationship – I was just talking to you about an example of dating, but also I’ve seen this with clients over and over again with clients that are like “I’m afraid you don’t love me” or “I’m afraid you’re gonna leave me” and that fear of rejection and it’s seeking reassurance, but that seeking energy that’s insatiable can actually push somebody away. So it’s the very thing we’re afraid of we can actually create.

The surrender, and really getting present to what is happening and what’s real, and learning to try to open up to the process can be extremely beneficial… I’m gonna talk about it a little bit more here, and I’ll continue to share my process here.

When I surrendered, I told you, I felt this feeling of feeling held. It invites me into number three, which is being really present, really making contact with myself and what’s real. I was talking a moment ago around the last few weeks I’ve been really aware of what’s happening, but I’ve been forging ahead and putting one foot in front of the other, but I don’t know that emotionally I’ve been as connected to myself. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve let go of my yoga practice, I’ve let go of my reflection time… There’s just been some pieces that I have thought in my mind I haven’t had the time for… So it’s taken me out of being really present.

I’ve been more focused on what’s gonna happen and focused on what didn’t go well, and I’m taking my power away from myself. Everything that’s available is right now, in this exact moment. What just happened or what will happen – I have no access to that. What I have access to and what I have available to me is in this moment. When I paused, I let myself cry, I cracked open my journal, and have let myself feel, and was really real and honest and reflecting, and that is not easy. Again, it feels like a breaking down.

What’s interesting here is I don’t know that any of us would actually necessarily choose to feel this, because it doesn’t feel good. The client I was talking to yesterday, and just inviting her to come into contact with her emotion, she was saying how it’s so hard when things don’t go well. It’s the part of life that we would like to sometimes bypass and not experience, and yet I have found in myself and I have found in other people that when we do surrender, we do get present, something else emerges – a new insight, some guidance around whether or not it feels like intuition, or inner wisdom, or spiritual insight… That there’s some opening to something new, that I don’t know how to get to without being willing to touch in. I don’t know how to masterplan it forward into that open, that shift, that open door. I only know how to access that through being brought to my knees and being willing to get in touch on a deeper level.

Granted, it doesn’t always feel this intense. Sometimes it’s subtle, but it does require a pause, and a letting go, and a tuning in to listen and to feel. And sometimes it doesn’t come right away; sometimes our process may take a little longer.

I had a client who is a little older, he’s retired and had a very successful career, and much of his life was very much preoccupied with work. He was sharing with me that at times he experiences feeling frustrated and feeling anger, and he was describing driving. He was uncharacteristically late, and of course, when we’re late – Murphy’s Law – we’re running into all the lights, and there’s people driving slow, or poor driving… So he was describing something similar, and he was like “I felt enraged” and he recognized, “Okay, this is a cued pause.” So he pulled over and he kind of did this process of surrender, and really checked in, and he said “I got clear. I got insight, I got direction…” He got some new perspective that was incredibly profound for him, that he hadn’t been able to experience on an emotional level. He might have understood for other people that that could happen, but he had never felt the possibility in his own experience.

It just is interesting that we can feel so blocked, we can feel so blind, and that the very thing we’re maybe resisting is the very thing that will lead us or guide us, or open up new possibility. I think this is very true in relationship, that we try and try and try and try and try and try, and I think we try even harder in relationship. We do what we know, we do what we think is best, and yet that trying harder isn’t always the path, and most often is not the path to bring us to deeper connection.

If you’re interested in learning more about how to do this in relationship, I encourage you to check out my webinar presentation Build Happy, Lasting Love on 5th April. Again, to register, if you’re on your smartphone or iPad, Apple device or any type of tablet, you can just access the show notes and you’ll find the link there to register. 

If you have any questions or you’re having difficulty finding that, you can always e-mail me at jessica@drjessicahiggins.com.

In this article that I referenced… It’s What To Do When Nothing Is Working Out, by Ruth Lera, which was on Elephant Journal, she is quoting a book titled “Frequency: The Power Of Personal Vibration” by Penney Peirce, and I’ll leave you with this quote. A quick preface – she’s talking about the analogy of waves, how life presents ups and downs, that it’s a continual process of waves in our life, and how we navigate those waves.

I think I’ve even used this analogy in previous podcasts, that swimming analogy – do we fight, or do we be buoyant? Penney Peirce in her book “The Power Of Personal Vibration” writes:

“The turning point at the crest is when you reach the most materialistic, extroverted view of life, when materialization is complete and we feel ‘high’ and successful. In physics terms, the wave has become a particle. The most challenging time may be when the wave turns at the trough – when you’re bored, feel things fading, need space, and must release meaning and what’s outmoded in order to return to Being.

In studying physics, this is where the particle becomes the wave. Moving from the trough to crest seems like the fun part because it involves enthusiasm, motivation, and achieving goals. But releasing old forms, relaxing, dreaming of multiple imaginary realities, and rejuvenating ourselves are every bit as pleasurable. Chronic resistance to the turning points of wave can cause exaggerated dramatic shifts, such as crises and traumas.”

I hope you have enjoyed this episode. If you have feedback, opinions, or wanna let me know what you think, I would love to hear from you. Again, you can e-mail me at Jessica@DrJessicaHiggins.com. You can find the show notes for this episode on my website, which is DrJessicaHiggins.com, click on podcast and you can find it there at the top. Again, this is episode 102, What To Do When Nothing Is Working Out.

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