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Recently, a listener posed a question about how to handle attractions towards people outside their relationship.

It is normal and healthy to be attracted to people, even to people outside your marriage or long-term relationship. It is what you do with the feelings of attraction that determines if the attraction is going to become constructive or destructive.

When we try to hide, conceal, and deny feelings of attraction, we get ourselves into trouble.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear more explanations, stories and examples.)

1. Give space and acceptance for your feelings and attraction.

“Everything begins with a choice to face something or to avoid facing it. Facing is the choice that saves the most lives. Failure to face something is the choice that destroys the most lives. If you are not happy and creative, look first at what you are not facing in your life. When our lives are not working, there is always at least one thing we are not facing.” Gay Hendricks in Conscious Living

2. Attraction is more about you than it is about anyone else.

3. Bring authenticity, what is alive and fresh back to the relationship.

4. Talk about your experience with your partner.

Excerpt from Conscious Living a story about how Gay dealt with sexual attraction towards another woman. From page 90 in Conscious Living.

***Upcoming podcast topics***

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Mentioned:

• ERP 104: How Can Infidelity Make Your Relationship Stronger? (podcast episode)
• ERP 105: How To Deal With Limerence In Relationship
• ERP 071: How To Use Sexual Energy To Improve Your Health & Relationship – With Sarina Stone (podcast episode)
• ERP 043: How To Transform Jealousy into Passion and Excitement (podcast episode)
• Conscious Living: Finding Joy in the Real World (*Amazon Affiliate link) By Gay Hendricks (book)
• The Hendricks Institute (Gay's website)
• ERP 066: How to move out of criticism into love & appreciation With Kathlyn Hendricks (podcast episode)
• Intimacy & Desire (*Amazon Affiliate link) By David Schnarch (book)

TRANSCRIPT:

Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 106: What To Do When You Are Attracted To Someone Else [Transcript]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

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*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.