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TOPIC: Making your relationship a priority

Guest Stan Tatkin:

Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a couple therapist known for his pioneering work in helping partners form happy, secure, and long-lasting relationships. His method—called PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®)—draws on principles of neuroscience and teaches partners to become what he terms “secure-functioning.”

Together with his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, Dr. Tatkin founded the PACT Institute to train psychotherapists and other professionals how to incorporate his method into their practices with couples. Therapists from all over the world are being trained in this breakthrough approach.

Dr. Tatkin has a private practice in Calabasas, CA, and is an assistant professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. He is the author of several books, including the bestselling WIRED FOR LOVE and WIRED FOR DATING published by New Harbinger.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear more explanations, stories and examples.)

Stan Tatkin talked about:

• “Secure Functioning” is being in a relationship that is fully collaborative, fully mutual, and based on justice, fairness, and sensitivity.
• How a couple protects each other and how they handle stress together.
• Environmental threats may bring stress to the individuals and the couple, and helping couples regulate the stress through connection and relationship.
• Family culture – is relationship a priority? If relationship is not important and prioritized, than children often develop some level of insecure attachment.
• Cultural messages can be misleading and confusing (i.e. “Love yourself before you can love another.”)
• Couples often lack purpose in their union…why they are together? What is their partnership all about? What are their shared values, agreements, and principles that keep them committed?
• People with insecure attachment styles tend to behave in ways that are good for the self, but are not good for the relationship.
• How our neurobiology impacts our perception and memory, which in turn impacts the way we perceive and experience our partners in relationship.
• Naturally, we tend to have a negativity bias.
• Prioritizing emotional attunement in relationship.
• The importance of having loyalty to the couple system that provides a foundation of security, safety, and sustenance for the couple to thrive.

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Mentioned:

• Stan Tatkin & PACT Institute (website)
• Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship
• Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate
• Relationships Are Hard, But Why? Stan Tatkin (Ted Talk)

TRANSCRIPT:

Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 107: How To Prioritize Relationship With Stan Tatkin [Transcript]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

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