ERP 121: How To Get An Unsupportive Parent Onboard [Transcript]

ERP 121: How To Get An Unsupportive Parent Onboard

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Welcome to The Empowered Relationship Podcast, helping you turn relationship challenges into opportunities and setting you up for relationship success. Your host, Dr. Jessica Higgins, is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach who shares valuable tips, tools and resources for you to dramatically improve your relationship.

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Hi, thank you for joining today’s podcast episode. Today’s episode is 121 – How To Get An Unsupportive Parent Onboard; essentially, this is onboard with your relationship.

To set the tone for our conversation on the Empowered Relationship Podcast, I just wanna hold that what we’re talking about in these conversations is how to navigate the tricky terrain of long-lasting intimacy, whether that’s a partnership or a marriage. That we understand certain things will get brought up, whether or not that is deep, ecstatic pleasure and excitement and joy – how to be able to really take it in and experience it, how to expand our capacity for those highs. Also, knowing that we will sometimes feel challenged with a difference of opinion, or some emotional upset that might feel like jealousy or anger, or hurt, or sadness, and that we can turn inward and work with it and use it as a source of transformation.

Also, with the high and the low, we can develop a solid base, a consistent, stable relationship that we can rely on and that we can count on, and that we invest in, and that we feel confident about the stability of that. That’s the larger goal of these conversations and what I’m most passionate about – feeling as though relationship is one of the best places to grow and to evolve ourselves. No other place are we gonna get challenged as deeply and as intimately. It’s almost considered as relationship provides the curriculum for our becoming and our developing.

For many weeks I have been sharing with you the opportunity to take the Connected Couples program in a self-paced way. I know many of my listeners like to read books, listen to podcasts, and you guys all have an intelligent mind and a wise heart, and sometimes want to be self-teaching yourself. I’m not gonna talk a ton about the course; what I’m gonna do for you today is give you the link to the information page, and at the end of the episode I’m gonna share with you a coupon code.

If you’re on my e-mail list, you’re not gonna get this coupon code. The podcast is the only place that I’m offering the coupon code, and it’s gonna only be available for a limited time, so I’ll share that with you towards the end of the show.

However, I do wanna say, if you want to reach out to me and you’re interested, feel free to e-mail me; I’d be happy to jump on a call with you – with you individually, or with you and your significant other – and we can talk about if this program would be a good fit for you. My e-mail is jessica@drjessicahiggins.com.

Alright, let’s get started with today’s podcast episode – again, this is 121 – How To Get An Unsupportive Parent Onboard. Today I’m doing something a little different, I’m going to be answering a listener’s question and I’m gonna be providing tips, but it’s gonna be woven into my direct response to her. This listener would like to remain anonymous. She writes:

“I’ve been listening to your podcasts and they’ve been really helpful. Thank you! I am thinking of approaching my partner about your program in the near future because I think we would benefit from it greatly.

Moving forward, I have a question for your podcast. For a bit of context, because I was working and undertaking law school at the same time I didn’t really date and have never had a boyfriend until recently. My mother is the biggest influence on my life and before I moved in with my now boyfriend of almost 3 years, I was living with her. I met him on Tinder and hid the fact that I was seeing someone. I didn’t introduce him to her until we decided we were official. She was hurt that I didn’t tell her about him earlier, and the first thing she said to me when she met him was that while he was nice, I should see other people. I respectfully told her that we were already committed and that I didn’t want to see other people.

I believe that no one will ever be good enough in my mother’s eyes and since then, while she is polite and even charming in person, she has continued to give me grief about choosing my boyfriend and choosing to stay with him. Most of our arguments revolve around him in some way, because she never fails to bring him up and make him an issue for even something as petty as my boyfriend not driving a flashy new car.

My question to you is, I probably haven’t been authentic or completely honest in my relationship because I haven’t told my boyfriend that my mother doesn’t completely approve of him so… Should I tell him? Or at least share with him the burden of this knowledge because by protecting him from it, I’ve been hurt and I’ve lied. I don’t want him to dislike my mother because I love and respect her at the end of the day, but I’m tired of pretending we just had another argument and that I’m okay, because I’m not. It’s also a very lonely experience. I have close friends who support me and know about the situation, but my boyfriend is not aware of this.

I look forward to any advice you can provide.”

Listener, thank you for sharing so openly and honestly your question. I know many listeners will be able to benefit from this, whether or not it’s dealing with in-laws or expectations of parents when it comes to protecting or really investing and prioritizing your love relationship.

I’m gonna share with you my feedback, and it’s gonna come in different forms. Some are gonna be questions, some are gonna be tips, and I’m gonna kind of flow with this with you right now. So the first question is “How come you did not wanna tell her in the first place?” I have some assumptions around what that might be, but I wanna invite you to consider really looking at this openly and honestly, because understanding your reasons could be helpful in getting clear on your needs and boundaries, and also being able to talk with her about them. I’ll give you some examples so this isn’t so conceptual.

Why I’m asking this question is my guess is you perhaps had some suspicions that there were some patterns that were already in existence before you met your boyfriend, and that it’s possible on some level you were anticipating the dynamic to be challenging. I have done a lot of parent coaching and understand some of the dynamics in what I’ve seen, and what I know to be true is some of the reasons why that could potentially be challenging. I don’t know your specific situation, so again, I wanna encourage you to try to get really clear on your pain points around what patterns feel challenging with your mother.

I’ll just name some that are common. For a young woman coming into her own, there’s the reality of maybe needing to find your own way, find your own identity, make your own decisions without being so heavily influenced, especially if you have a very close relationship with one parent. Another reason is just simply wanting more space, not being so connected play-by-play, or along the way… Like she doesn’t need to be a part of your relationship and being so heavily involved. Perhaps you just want space.

Another reason is perhaps there’s been some history of her displaying negativity for maybe one of your pursuits. Does she get anxious and worried, not trusting that you’ll make the right decision and wanting to protect you? I would guess it comes from a good place, but the side effect of it is not feeling maybe her support and her trust.

Or does she feel threatened that she’ll lose you? The relationship is gonna be different and she’s not gonna get as much time with you, or somehow the relationship will change, and that feels scary.

One other thing here is maybe she wants the best for you, but she puts her judgments and opinions on you. “Mother knows best…” That can be really difficult to work with, how to find your own.

Again, just this first question to you is just mining the gold a little bit of your relationship with her in the past, knowing that you guys have had an established relationship for many years, and there’s a particular way about it – how she sets boundaries with you and how you set boundaries with her, and limits, and kind of how close you guys are, how separate you guys are – all of this could inform your decision to not bring her in the fold for three years… Because it is a little interesting, waiting three years to share your relationship with your mother; it could just be that it all is very new for you, and you took it slow, so it really didn’t get super serious until as of late, that’s a possibility… But if you guys were pretty interested and hot and heavy to begin with, three years – that’s a pretty established relationship. So perhaps you’re waiting until it was serious enough – moving in together – to tell her.

When I read it on face value — again, all of this is super assumptive; we’ve never had a conversation about this, and I know you’ve reached out to me in interest in the program, but I don’t know the specifics of the situation. So reading your question, it almost seems as though you didn’t really want her input. You didn’t want her involvement until you were already decided. That speaks to something, and I just wanna invite you to be clear around what that something is.

Again, you were suspicious – maybe you had some inclination around how she was gonna react. From the sounds of it, she didn’t give him much of a chance, so if you were predicting something and it in fact came to fruition, you’re now dealing with the complications of that.

From what you’re sharing in your question, she did not give him much of a chance. “He’s nice, but you should date other people.” On a side note, I would say if the boundaries between you and your mother were super clear and you had your identity really formed and she had some strong opinions, perhaps it could be helpful at some point to get her perspective, because family and friends — it’s tricky, it’s a double-edged sword. On one hand, it’s great to get perspective from people who know you and love you and that you trust.

On the other hand, they are biased, for sure. They’re not a neutral party. They’re not gonna see clearly. They’re gonna be clouded by their own agenda and what they want for you, and they’re gonna have their own opinions, especially coming from a parent.

Coming back to my side note, if the boundaries and the limits and the identity and all of that was super crystal clear, there might be a space and time – not a frequent and reoccurring time, but a time where you would wanna get her perspective. And it doesn’t sound like this is the case, I’m just saying this for other people… Because she might have some perspective about seeing other people, what’s behind that; really understanding and getting curious of where that’s coming from… What is that in her – is that just her stuff? Like some of what I’ve mentioned before – not wanting to lose you etc. Or is it her thinking you should get more experience? Or is it her first impression, wanting more for you and thinks that you can do better? Maybe there’s some specifics as to why.

Again, using a really good filter here that this is her stuff, this is her perspective, and that it’s clouded. So if there’s any grain of truth that you would wanna take from that – okay, possibly. But maybe not. That’s a side not. For this particular listener I feel like that’s already been done, probably way too much, so I’m just saying this for other listeners. It can be nice to get somebody’s input at some point, but it does sound like that’s not the issue in this particular situation.

Okay, so a couple tips that I wanna suggest is perhaps addressing the issue with her. Now, since you guys have been arguing about it, I’m assuming she knows that you’re not happy about the dynamic, although if you listen to this show and continue to kind of work with your own next steps and what that’s gonna be, if you decide to move forward in a new way of relating to her (you have a plan), it might be helpful to clearly and specifically state your issue.

For example, “When you talk in ways that suggest I should not be as committed to my relationship, or when you point out negative aspects of my relationship or my boyfriend, I feel hurt, scared, angry and uncomfortable.” I’m gonna talk a little bit more about that in a moment, but just to address it very specifically and clearly and pointedly. You’re talking about her behavior, you’re not shaming her or blaming her, but “When you do X, this is my experience.” This is essentially addressing “This does not work for me.”

So addressing the issue – I want you stay with me and conceptualize, contemplate the possibility of some of what I’m suggesting, but ultimately you’re gonna come up with your own strategy here. If you need support, I encourage you to reach out to friends, or perhaps you’re interested in getting some coaching or therapy, but definitely find what’s gonna work best for you here.

My second tip around this question is perhaps softening a little with her. Because what you’re gonna be doing is trying to relate to her from a very clear position. So not getting super wrapped up and reacting to her and responding to her, but you’re trying to really clearly state your position, your boundaries and your limits. It’s not a negotiation. You’re sharing with her and you’re trying to reveal with her because you want a relationship with her. But the boundary is not negotiable. This is something you’re going to be asserting to some degree.

To soften and to connect with her, and perhaps even empathize — my second point is help her understand. So number one is address the issue, number two is help her understand. What I’m saying here around the softening and empathy is she may still be struggling with the fact that she’s been out of the loop for so long. She might have some confusion about that, so her only explanation could be that you had something to hide, that you weren’t proud of your boyfriend, you weren’t proud of your relationship or there was something amiss, so you were hiding. That might be her only reasoning for why she’s been out of the loop so long, so she’s still grappling and trying to come to terms with how come she’s been out of the loop.

I wanna say here – while you might be up until now trying to protect her feelings, it doesn’t sound like it’s working; it’s not working for you and it’s not working for her. So again, if you can, as I was suggesting in my first question to you – get clear on your reasons. There is a way to help her understand your honest experience, your authentic, honest experience to the best of your ability, in a way that’s kind and actually loving.

A couple examples here – again, I’m just taking great liberties and kind of imagining what you’re dealing with and coming up with some response here.

One tactful way of being honest with her would be, for example, “Mom, I know that you didn’t like the fact that I didn’t talk to you about my boyfriend until recently. I understand that it’s confusing and maybe even hard for you to understand, and I just wanna share a little bit around what that is for me, what that’s been about for me, if you’re open to it.
I just want you to know that in my life you’ve been such an important person; I respect and I honor your opinion so much, and yet sometimes in the past I’ve wondered if I relied on it too much. I wanted your input, I wanted your feedback and really considered it dearly. And as I’m coming into my adulthood and my womanhood and my identity, I really wanna be able to make my own decisions and learn for myself, what works for me and what doesn’t work for me. Part of my doing this was just giving myself that space.” That’s one example.

Another example is “I do wanna include you in my life. However, I may want some space/time to time to figure things out on my own first.” That’s the shorter version.

This might need to happen over a period of time. This is a lot to do in one conversation or one sitting. Usually, we need a little time to digest, but helping her understand your reasoning could soften and help her feel you a little bit, that it’s not really so much a blame and shame on her, but it’s more around what you’ve been longing for and your reasons for it. And then as it comes back to the issue, point number three is if she’s able to have this conversation with you – she may not be, but if she is – let her know your discomfort and pain… Again, clearly stating and being specific about the issue. “When you speak negatively, or suggest that I shouldn’t be committed, or speak negatively about my relationship or my partner, I feel hurt, scared, angry and uncomfortable.”

I’m gonna give just a couple examples of what those feelings are about, and then I’m gonna give you some examples around what that could look like in you speaking to her. Again, this is just me imagining, but it would be normal and totally understandable if you felt hurt; that you don’t feel her support, trust and belief in you. You would want to feel that from her. I feel sad even imagining it for you. I wouldn’t want that for you, I would want you to feel her support, her belief and her trust in you, even if you make a wrong decision, that she believes in you, and that she trusts you and she supports you as you find your way.

Feeling scared… This could be scared about the possibility or the worry – if I’m you, thinking about your mother, that you may never accept him, and it will negatively impact my relationship with you, your relationship with him, and our possible future together as an extended family. I feel sad about that and I feel scared about that. I don’t know how to bridge that.

Anger. “I continue to feel so upset by this whole dynamic. I don’t enjoy this, it doesn’t feel good to me, and it’s definitely not okay to me. I’m not willing to do this anymore.” I could capture that anger a little more, but I don’t wanna take too many liberties, to go too far, and I’m also switching emotions around; it’s hard to go back and forth so quickly.

And the uncomfortable feeling – that could be just really having a hard time navigating the loyalties and feeling so divided, and that there’s not a clear position to stand on, and it feels like a boundary violation perhaps, or not feeling safe, right? So it’s not comfortable. I could talk a lot more about that, but that’s just where that word came from.

Again, this is under the point of “Let her know your discomfort and pain.” This is not about shaming her, it’s just “When this happens, this is what happens for me”, and I just went into some of those emotions. I’ll give you an example around how that can be expressed.

“When you speak poorly about us or him, I feel as though you’re speaking poorly about me. It hurts me. I love him, I have chosen him. It’s as if you were telling me what I love is bad, not good enough, or that my decisions are not good enough.”

Another example is “He is my person. I am loyal to him. He is becoming or is my family. I feel super uncomfortable or divided when you speak negatively about us or him. I do not want to feel as if I have to choose between loyalties – loyalty to you as my mother and loyalty to him as my boyfriend.” That’s the uncomfortability. Again, it’s just a little more description around the pain.

If you can talk about your pain and less about her, she might be able to recognize your experience and feel you a little bit and soften to “Oh my god, this is not what I want you to feel at all.”

When you feel ready, number four, let her know your limits and your boundaries. Assuming you already know your limits – from your question it sounds like you have a pretty good idea of what’s not working for you – you still may want some support around how to establish a boundary, what a boundary is, and especially if you don’t have a history where this has been a part of your relationship with your mother, this might be a new learning curve for you.

I’ll put some resources on today’s show notes. Today’s show notes can be found on my website, which is DrJessicaHiggins.com, click on Podcast and you can find all the episodes, as well as today’s episode (121), How To Get An Unsupportive Parent Onboard. I’ll have several links, most of which will be other episodes that I’ve done around how to assert yourself, boundaries, communication, family expectations, dealing with anger and those types of things, especially when there’s a boundary crossing, a violation of some boundary.

Another idea is doing a general Google search for how to set a boundary with a parent, or how to set boundaries with a parent. You might get some good languaging, good tips of things that maybe you’ve heard or not heard; you may have already done this, but I wanna encourage you if you haven’t that this might be of help and support as well.

Tip number four, as I said, is let her know your limits and boundaries. Once you know what it is, where your limits are, where your boundaries are in regards to this particular issue, you’ll wanna communicate them with her. Again, you can do this with tact, you can do this with kindness, and you can do it with love, because I can guarantee you you’re setting a boundary and following through on it is going to be a way more loving dynamic than arguing with her.

I will say one very important component to this number four, letting her know your limits and your boundaries, is choosing something you’re actually gonna be able to follow through with. It’s likely her behavior is not gonna change that much if you don’t follow through. Part of her responding to you and your boundaries and respecting your boundaries is you asserting them, and you taking care of honoring them. She’ll start to honor them if you’re taking really good care of them, so that’s why some of those other resources can be really helpful around how to do that.

I just wanna give you some language around what setting a boundary with her could look like. Once you’ve had some of the discussion that I’ve already shared with you, you could let her know – “Okay, I just wanna share with you, moving forward I’m gonna do things a little differently. I know I’ve been engaging with you and we’ve been going round and round having these conversations… I’m not gonna do that anymore. I wanna let you know that I’m gonna change how I’m gonna behave. I will no longer engage in negative talk about my relationship or my boyfriend. If you wanna complain or express your worry or your concern, I will politely excuse myself from the conversation or the interaction. I just wanna give you a heads up that this is what I will be doing. I’m gonna have a very limited tolerance for complaining and worry and concern and negativity as it relates to my relationship or my boyfriend.”

Number five – give her some guidance. If her current input, the way she’s relating to you isn’t what you’re wanting from her, then I wanna encourage you to get clear on what you would like. Perhaps it would be a good idea to tell her what you do want from her. And again, since we have not spoken, I can only speculate, but here’s some of my speculation. This would be you talking, or this is me imagining myself in your scenario:

“I would love for you to give him a chance. I would love for you to get to know him and look at his positive traits and try to see why I like him so much, why I love him.”

Another version would be “I would love for you to respect my choice in a partner. Even if you do not agree or don’t totally get it, I would love for you to support my decision to be with him.”

Another example here would be “Ideally, I would love for you to see his goodness and start to let him in and develop a relationship with him.”

More than anything, I think the thing that I’m feeling the most with you is just perhaps your desire to feel her support and her belief in you and her trust, however that looks, however she can express that… That’s the thing that you’re really wanting from her.

Okay, and to answer your specific question, listener – I’ll just repeat it again… You said “My question to you is I probably haven’t been authentic or completely honest in my relationship because I haven’t told my boyfriend that my mother doesn’t completely approve of him so… Should I tell him? Or at least share with him the burden of this knowledge because by protecting him from it, I’ve been hurt and I’ve lied.”

In response to this, I have a few other tips. Number six – communicate your action steps to your mother if she does break your boundary. If she crosses that line, help her understand what she can expect. You can communicate this ahead of time. Up until now you can let her know what has been happening – “Up until now I have been holding your disapproval privately. However, I am no longer willing to carry that dishonesty and that burden of the inauthentic behavior. I see you are very pleasant and gracious with him, and yet with me you’re expressing all your concern and your disapproval. I’m no longer willing to hold that.” You can tell her that you will not be keeping any secrets or making excuses for her any longer. So if she’s not willing to try to give him a chance and stop trying to change your mind, you will no longer be willing to deceive your partner, or lie to him. As uncomfortable as it is to disclose or reveal this, the way things have been is way too difficult and way too painful.

As I’m discussing what you might do in the event that she crosses that boundary or doesn’t honor your limit, that’s what you can be prepared to do, I do think that there’s some interim; there’s some little grey area that you can basically let her know – “Hey, it sounds like you’re complaining, it sounds like you’re being negative”, because this might be a habit for her… I don’t know if she’s fully aware that she’s doing it, but you could basically alert her and say “Hey, I’m starting to feel sensitive here. I’m going to prepare to leave or get off the phone, or make my departure in some way if you aren’t willing to honor this.” So you might have to remind her, so you can kind of forewarn her if she starts to approach the boundary or is crossing them and you get to decide…

Again, the most important part here is that you’re gonna need to follow through. Because if you do not assert your boundary, if you don’t actually follow through, your mother is likely not gonna change. She’ll probably continue to do what she’s doing.

If she does not change even with your setting boundaries, then I think it’s really appropriate and healthy to bring your boyfriend into the fold. Mind you, I do think that this conversation will probably need to happen over a period of time, in stages. You’ve been processing this for a while. You’ve been in it, you’ve been having discussions with your mother, you’ve been thinking a lot about it… This is all gonna be very new to him most likely, unless he’s had some inkling and has had some wondering… But most likely this is gonna be new information for him that he is gonna need to process, and he’ll probably have his own feelings about.

So one example of just something that you could perhaps say to him would be “I wanna talk with you about my mother. As you know, my mother and I have been very close in my life, and since I have not dated very much at all before you, us being together, this is a new experience for her. I’ve been struggling with how to deal with her, and it gets really complicated. As you know it first, I didn’t include her a lot in our relationship. I wanted to protect our relationship from her antics…” Now, “antics” is something for you to decide; again, this is gonna be tying back to how come you didn’t want to include her or what is going on with her and how come she is disapproving. I’m putting this all under the word “antics.” It could be her stuff, it could be her fear, it could be a lot of different things.

Going back to what you might say, “I am still working out with her what is going on for her, whether or not she just feels scared of losing me, or what. And I have been really hoping that she would just be supportive and respectful and honoring of our relationship, and I’m doing my best to work with her. I am setting limits with her, and I am gonna continue to do so. I will no longer protect her. If she does something unsupportive or disrespectful, I will remove myself from the situation and I will do my best to take care of our relationship and you.”

In this scenario I’m imagining you’ve already done all of these steps with your mother and you are now actually asserting your boundaries and she is continuing to cross them. So for him to be in the loop, this is what you might say; this is what you’ve been doing, and this is what you’ll be continuing to do. “I would like for you to know how hard it has been for me. I feel sadness, I feel grief that she has not been easier to deal with and that she hasn’t truly welcomed our relationship or you with open arms and a warm heart. I don’t want you to feel hurt; I understand this might be confusing and even feel like a betrayal, for it seems as though she is approving when we’re together, and now you’re hearing that she’s not been that supportive when you’re not around. At some point I would love for you to get this is more of an issue about how my mother treats me and our relationship than it is about you. I would love to be able to turn to you and let you know how much it bothers me and upsets me that she cannot be supportive in the way that I want her to be.”

In regards to his opinion of her, your mother has made some choices about how she’s wanted to show up in this situation, right? She has been adamantly disapproving and been vocal with you about it, and this reflects her and her experience, to some degree, and again, I would love to get to know what that is all about, and if she continues to do it even when you set boundaries; as much as you can try, you cannot control her or her behavior. She’s gonna be who she’s gonna be, and she’s your mother. There’s a lot of greatness and a lot of goodness; it sounds like you have a lot of regard and a lot of respect for her, but as it comes to this situation, this is not really what you’re looking for.

If you set limits and boundaries with her, help her understand what’s going on for you and your parameters, then you are in open communication with her. I do not feel that you’re betraying her. You’re finding your own ground to stand on in relationship, because if you’re only trying to please her, then it’s dominated by her; where do you go? Where is what you need a part of the equation?

She is making a decision based on the information and boundaries you have set, so if she continues to cross your boundaries, again, that’s a choice she’s making. Your boyfriend is going to experience what’s real. It’s important for him to know what’s really going on so that he can learn how to deal with the situation as well. You can’t do this for him; as much as you would want to make this all go away or make it not be true or make him not have to deal with anything, if this is real and it’s not going away, it’s important for him to learn his own way in this with you. He’s gonna have his own process, and for you to try to keep pretending – that’s not serving your mother, it’s not serving you, and it’s definitely not serving your boyfriend. You don’t wanna expose him to unnecessary pain or hurt, but again, if this is what’s really going on, I think it’s important for him to learn and know about it, so that he can start adjusting and can start growing himself in this with you.

I just wanna reiterate that you are not responsible for her behavior, and it’s not okay to ask you to lie and pretend for her.

That is what I have to share with you today around how to get an unsupportive parent onboard. And the title, as I’m reading it, maybe sounds a little misleading, but truthfully, your mother is gonna respond best to you when you’re able to really take care of yourself and guide her, tell her what’s not okay and help her understand what is okay and what you are looking for. Redirect her.

My guess is that she loves you, wants to be a part of your life, wants the best for you, and would be willing to work with you, would be willing to understand what you’ve been up against and be willing to respect your boundaries, your limits… Even if she doesn’t like it, I imagine she’ll be willing to do that; she wants to have relationship with you, she’s not gonna want to be estranged from you.

I think you will feel so much better having a ground to stand on, feeling confident in your ability to take care of yourself, to be able to assert what’s not okay and what is okay, to be able to navigate the tricky, complex dynamic with your mother, and to feel a clarity there. She might not like it, but I imagine she’ll respect it, and at some point you guys will have healing and you guys will evolve. It’ll develop.

Also, feeling clean and clear with your boyfriend; the honesty, the authenticity and allowing him to see you fully. This is a vulnerable thing that your mother has been bringing this [unintelligible 00:42:49.04] If she’s not willing to work with you, or even if you feel like after you guys get to a certain place you can kind of say “Okay, look, this is what I’ve been up against. It’s much better now, we’re in a much better place, but I don’t know that you fully have known what’s been going on. I wanna kind of fill you in. I wanted to kind of get a grasp on it myself first, but now that I have a better understanding, I would love for you to have this information.” That’s up to you if you wanna do that or not.

Again, to reiterate the tips that I shared in response to today’s question from a listener. One, address the issue. Two, help her understand. Three, let her know your discomfort and pain. Four, let her know your limits and boundaries. Five, give her some guidance, what you do want her to do. Six, communicate your action steps if she breaks your boundary. And then I talked  a little bit more about how to negotiate the conversation with your boyfriend.

Thank you so much for listening. If you have a question you would like to submit for me to address on the Empowered Relationship Podcast, you can visit my website, which is DrJessicaHiggins.com, click on Contact, and you can find the ways to reach me as well as how to submit a question.

I so appreciate just sharing this time with you, and if you’ve realized that you wanna go deeper with these relationship principles, not just be contemplating them, but be active in developing them and cultivating your relationship, I encourage you to check out today’s show notes – again, this is 121, How To Get An Unsupportive Parent Onboard – and you’ll find a link that will take you to the Connected Couple program. That’s gonna give you all the information about the course, and also I’m gonna give to you an offer that’s gonna only be available for a limited time. It’s a coupon code, and you can add this to the cart when you’re in the checkout. The coupon code is Fall2017.

If you’d like to actually get on a call with me and find out more, I’d be happy to talk with you to see if this is a good fit. Again, you can reach me at all the ways mentioned on the Contact page. Until next time, I hope you take great care.

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You’ve been listening to Empowered Relationship, your relationship guide. Remember to take a moment to write a review and subscribe today. You can also get your free relationship gift by visiting DrJessicaHiggins.com.

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