ERP 122: How to Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate with Arielle Ford
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Guest Arielle Ford:
Arielle Ford is a love and relationship expert and a leading personality in the personal growth and contemporary spirituality movement. For the past 25 years she has been living, teaching, and promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is a speaker and the producer and host of Evolving Wisdom’s Art of Love series.
Arielle is a gifted writer and the author of 11 books, including Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate devoted to exploring a simple, fun and effective way to attain groundbreaking shifts in perception so that you can embrace and find the beauty and perfection in yourself and your mate. She calls this “going from annoyed to enjoyed!”
She has been called “The Cupid of Consciousness” and “The Fairy Godmother of Love.” She lives in La Jolla, CA with her husband/soulmate, Brian Hilliard and their feline friends.
(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)
Arielle Ford Defines a Soulmate as:
- Someone you can be completely be yourself with.
- Someone you share unconditional love with.
- When you look into your partner’s eyes, you have the experience of being home.
Important points from Arielle Ford:
What is love and the purpose of a marriage?
- The fastest and best way to get a soulmate is to put your attention everyday on gratitude for all the love you already have in your life. Then, your heart become magnetic to romantic love.
- At least 90% of people are already with their soulmate. What you need to do is clear out all the gunk, the frustration, and all the disappointment, so that you can feel the love again.
- Most people don’t really know what love is because we think love is a feeling.
“The really important thing about love is that it is a behavior. It is a practice. It is a decision. It is a choice.” Arielle Ford
- The purpose of marriage is to heal all of our childhood wounds. Arielle quotes Harville Hendrix in saying, “Our brain has an unconscious partner picker.” We pick somebody that comes with the playbook, with the owner’s manual on how to push all of our buttons, so that we can be healed.
“The true path of the soulmate marriage is the deepest, most amazing, spiritual work to heal ourselves and each other. And it is not always fun.” Arielle Ford
Dealing with Challenges
- The bad news is 50% of first marriages, 64% of second marriages, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. The only thing that is consistent in all three marriages is you. While it looks like the problem is over there, chances are that is not true.
- Arielle quotes John Gottman in saying, “Every couple has a minimum of 9 irreconcilable differences.” It is our job in the relationship to find creative solutions to deal with our differences.
- She shared a personal story about her relationship with her husband and how she negotiated a challenge with him. She said, “Nothing effectively changed until I was willing to get honest and vulnerable with him.”
- One key she talked about in addressing a sensitive topic is understanding that “this is your best friend, your partner, your biggest cheerleader, your lover for life, your safe place to land, and approach these conversations from a place of love, kindness, and respect.”
- If you are really angry, that is not the time to have a conversation. Go get yourself to neutral first.
- Learn how to have constructive conversations and listen effectively (see below for resources).
“The hardest part of life isn’t life, it is the other human beings in life.” Arielle Ford
- We all want to be loved and accepted for exactly who we are.
- Science is now showing that for every minute you have an angry judgmental thought you suppress your immune system for up to 8 hours.
“The number one way to guarantee a long, happy life is to have a happy marriage.” Arielle Ford
Arielle Ford shared two tips:
- Stop when you recognize a negative thought.
- Think to yourself, “Cancel. Cancel.”
- Replace the negative thought with a better thought.
2. Create a new connection:
- Get yourself to neutral.
- With pen and paper, write down some memories about your partner and your relationship.
What was it like when you first met? How did you feel when you met your partner?
What are some of the best experiences you have had together?
What have you most admired and respected about your partner?
What are the happiest memories you shared together as a couple?
- Read the list and then write your partner the most beautiful love letter.
- Then, put it in an “I love you just because card” and put it in a place where they will find it when you are not around.
Doubting the relationship?
- If you are having serious doubts about your relationship, take 6 months to try new ways of relating before leaving your partner.
- Take baby steps. Read and learn relationship skills (see below), and see if you can reignite your love and connection.
- There is a 90% chance that you are with your soulmate and they still can be, but there are weeks, months or years of gunk in the way.
- You don’t need to wait until your partner is willing to engage in growth work. If you start changing, it is likely your partner will start changing too.
- If you are experiencing abuse or addiction issues in your relationship, please seek professional counseling.
- Attempt to address only one issue at a time.
- Communicate from a place of being a friend, being kind, and open to hearing.
Check out the resources below as well as the Connected Couple program to develop happy, lasting love: For a limited time only, you can use this coupon code for a 20% discount: fall2017
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If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or doing relationship coaching work with me.