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Topic: Relationship trauma and recovery

Guest: Dr. Janina Fisher

Janina Fisher is a licensed psychologist and international expert on the treatment of trauma and dissociation. Author of “Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors” and co-author of “Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Interventions for Trauma and Attachment,” she is also Clinical Director, Khiron Clinics UK, Assistant Educational Director of the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute, and former Instructor, Harvard Medical School.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

LISTEN TO THE EPISODE TO LEARN ABOUT:

• Trauma has a long-term effect on relationships and intimacy. (relationship trauma and recovery)
• All trauma involves human beings.
• When people have experienced trauma, they no longer feel safe.
• We go into the most important aspects of our lives, like a marriage, without any education.
• The modern understanding of trauma.

“Once upon a time, two wise adults saw in each other the potential to build a better life. The potential to have a life very different from what each experienced  as children. But what they didn't know, as they dreamed of this better life, is that they were taking the trauma with them.” by Dr. Janina Fisher

• Trauma is remembered as feeling and sensation memory.
• Trauma contributes to the repetitive arguments in relationship.

“The problem with a feeling memory is you don't know you are remembering. You think it is happening now.” by Dr. Janina Fisher

• When “feeling memories' are being triggered, how the triggering of “feeling memories” can destroy a relationship.
• The language of triggering, which requires an important assumption.

• There is no way to move forward with the language of fault. The only way to move forward is with the language of triggering.
• Our first response to an interaction is a feeling sensation. Then, we put words or a story to our feeling sensation, often those words are words of blame.
• When we use language of fault, it jams our partner's compassion circuits.

“Relationships are the hardest thing you are going to do in your entire life.” by Dr. Janina Fisher

• How to change the habits that keep us entrenched and stuck in viscous circles.
• How mindfulness can support your intention with your partner.
• Couples typically need repetition and a lot of practice to build constructive ways of relating.
• The capacity for each individual to soothe themselves is crucial in relationship.
• How do you agree to address your differences? Do you address them as enemies in relationship or do you address them as normal and natural byproducts of being two different people?
• Tips for finding a trauma therapist.

“Safe starts with us, not our partner. “Am I creating safety?”” by Dr. Janina Fisher

MENTIONED:

• Dr. Janina Fisher (website)
• Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation, by Janina Fisher (book)
• Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Interventions for Trauma and Attachment (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology)(book)
• Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute (website)
• EMDR (website)
• Somatic Experiencing (website)
• Internal Family Systems (website)
• How to Increase Relationship Satisfaction with Mindfulness (podcast)
• How to Increase Relationship Satisfaction with Mindfulness – Part Two (podcast)
• How to Increase Relationship Satisfaction with Mindfulness – Part three (podcast)
• Photo by Ethan Robertson on Unsplash

TRANSCRIPT:

Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 148: How To Deal With The Effects Of Trauma In Relationship, With Dr. Janina Fisher [TRANSCRIPT]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. It is very important to understand your relationship trauma and recovery to deepen your connection as a couple.

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