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Guest:
Dr. Margaret Rutherford, a clinical psychologist, has practiced for twenty-five years in Fayetteville, Arkansas. She is the author of “Marriage Is Not For Chickens”, a perfect gift book on marriage, and hosts a weekly podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Her new book, Perfectly Hidden Depression, will be published by New Harbinger in 2019.
Summary:
In this episode, Dr. Margaret Rutherford talks about how perfectionism and depression interact and how it shows up in relationships.
Dr Rutherford explains how she came to discover this ‘hidden’ depression and breaks down its patterns and consequential behaviors. She also gives important advice on how to properly address this condition in relationships.
(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)
Quotes:
“People are falling through the cracks in our system simply because we’re failing to recognize their depression.”
“Perfectionists can talk about feelings, they can’t express feelings.”
“When you’re coupled or partnered with someone with perfectionism or perfectly hidden depression, then what you notice is their lack of responsiveness to pain in their lives.”
“It’s truly about introducing the subject in a loving, kind way and talk about yourself.”
“You do not have control over whether your partner decides to look at themselves or not but you can urge them gently to do so.. and of course they may not be ready and that’s a whole different decision in and of itself.”
Highlights:
1:03 Dr. Rutherford’s background in blogging, writing about mental health
4:10 How does depression differ from depression overlaid with perfectionism?
8:18 How does this type of depression affect partners?
12:37 How to address the onset of this type of depression between partners or in relationships
22:27 Ideologies that can trigger this hidden depression
30:46 Dr Rutherford advises on how people can take care of themselves despite their partners depression
MENTIONED:
- Dr. Margret Rutherford (website)
- Self Work (podcast)
- Marriage Is Not For Chickens (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
TRANSCRIPT:
Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 166: How Perfectionism and Depression Affect You and Your Relationship, with Dr. Margaret Rutherford
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This really resonates with my situation, thank you so much for talking about this, the only difference is that my partner chose to push me out of his life instead of facing the issues of vulnerability. It’s extremely hard accepting this and knowing what to do next. Thanks for this podcast
Thank you for your feedback. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope some of the other episodes will be helpful too. Please feel free to email me, if you are looking for more support.