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Knowing your partner’s love language can offer positive outcomes in your relationship. The five love languages describe the different ways that romantic partners express and experience love. Oftentimes, the act of love that we’re willing to give is connected with our dominant language. Although it’s strenuous to match your partner’s especially in the early stages of your relationship, it can be achieved with practice and commitment to the process.

The practice of the 6th love language in your relationship is also pivotal to you and your partner's optimal living and real functioning. Taking time for one's self or self-care should not be viewed as a partial or total absence of engagement in the relationship. Here’s why. Today’s episode discusses how you can apply and cultivate the benefits of the 6th love language in your relationship to be more present, more available, and have more opportunities to engage in an authentic relationship with your partner.

In this Episode 

04:19 Gary Chapman’s five love languages — words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, gifts — neatly package an individual’s preferred care style. Everyone has a primary love language that’s related to what they hope to receive from their partner.

11:03 The 6^th love language — space — is an act of deep love and care where you give/ask your partner for space. This sense of space or solitude may come in the forms of physical or relational distance where a person takes time to contemplate, process, and feel one’s own truth.

12:47 Introverts and highly sensitive people value this love language more than others due to their absorbing nature. This allows them time to reflect, process, and be comfortable in their own company.

18:18 Emotional disconnect in relationships occurs when someone has mistakenly picked up on their partner’s non-verbal cues. To counteract this, revealing conversations that aim to articulate or educate both sides’ wants are necessary.

23:41 In times of conflict, men may benefit more from the 6^th love language as they need a moment to breathe and process things before actively engaging with their partner. However, the difference in gender lies in the ability to name and articulate the concern.

28:53 On Jessica’s personal relationship: How the practice of revealing conversations and the 6^th love language have sustained their healthy marriage 

Your Check List of Actions to Take

• Get to know your partner’s love language. By observing what their generous acts are toward you, you’ll certainly get excellent ideas on how to fulfill their emotional needs.
• Encourage and/or respect self-care and alone time. It’s helpful when you inform them of when and why you’re doing it. You can even come up with a schedule if that helps you communicate better. 
• Don’t take your partner’s non-verbal cues personally. When you find something that upsets you, raise this topic in your revealing conversations. This will help clear up any misperceptions and increase empathy towards one another.
• Never press them to engage immediately after a fight. Instead, listen and give your partner space to contemplate or talk. When they’re ready, you could then invite them over for a heart-to-heart discussion about what went wrong.

Mentioned

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (*Amazon Link)

The “Are You A Highly Sensitive Person” Test by Elaine Aron 

17 Traits of Highly Sensitivity People Article 

ERP 134: Sensitivity and Intimacy with Candy Crawford 

ERP 273: How to Handle the Concern of Vulnerability Not Working in Relationship

Grief Refuge app

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

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Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation 

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins 

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins 

Website: drjessicahiggins.com  

Email: [email protected]

About Today's Show

Hi! Thank you for joining the Empowered Relationship Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. Jessica Higgins, licensed psychologist, and relationship coach. Today’s episode is #281: How to Use the 6th Love Language in Your Relationship.

Before we get started, I want to take a moment and just take a deep breath in with you. And a deep breath out. As I do this with you, I just love to bring a centering moment into our conversations. In the busyness of life and the fast-paced nature of what we’re often up against every day, just tuning inwards, connecting with the body, inviting the nervous system to relax and let go. And bringing our focus and our attention to the topic of relationship, conscious relationship.

The intention of the Empowered Relationship Podcast is to support you in feeling better equipped, more prepared in navigating the landscape of long-term intimacy so that you can feel more successful in cultivating secure, intimate, authentic partnerships. And also growing yourself as you grow in your relationship. Ultimately elevating relationships. And that relationship includes each person in that partnership.

If you would like access to today’s show notes, you can visit DrJessicaHiggins.com. That’s doctor with a D-R. And then, click on “podcast” there in that top navigation bar, and you’ll have access to all the episodes. Again, today’s episode is #281: How to Use the 6th Love Language in Your Relationship.

From time to time, I will ask and invite you to give a rating and review to the Empowered Relationship Podcast. It supports the show, and it means a lot to us to hear from you. Recently, I received a rating and review from Jane HV via Apple Podcasts from Great Britain. Thank you so much for taking a moment out of your busy day to leave us a rating and review. It’s a five-star entitled “Incredible and Powerful.” They write, “This is an incredible and powerful podcast with wonderful guests sharing actionable information to help guide people towards more loving and evolved relationships. Dr. Jessica is so focused, knowledgeable, kind, and has great interviewing skills.” Thank you. Thank you. I so appreciate it. And again, if you would like to support the show, you can do that by writing a review and giving us a rating. We would love to hear from you.

Let’s get started in today’s interview. How to Use the 6th Love Language in Your Relationship. You may be even listening to this, and you’re thinking, “I’m familiar with the five love languages. I’ve never heard of the 6th love language.” And honestly, it’s not an official love language. And when I would look this up online, there are actually a few different versions. The most prominent one is the one that I’m going to be referencing today. I actually heard about this 6th love language from a client. As I thought about it and contemplated, I really think it is important to consider. It’s been really important in my relationship with my significant other.

Okay. So, let’s just back up for a moment and talk about what a love language is. Some of you have read Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages. I’ll make sure to put a link to that on today’s show notes. I’ll also put a link to a two-part series that I released years ago on the five love languages. And so, if you missed that, I want to encourage you to check that out. Even before, perhaps, listening to today’s episode.

The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, touch, acts of service, and gifts. These are categories of ways in which people express love and care. As Gary Chapman talks about, we usually express love in the language that’s most familiar to us and are our most dominant language. The analogy here is if you’re speaking French and your partner speaks Portuguese, it can be a difficult conversation. If you’re giving acts of service and your partner’s language is words of affirmation, they’re not perhaps going to receive that as love and real care because they just don’t recognize it, or they’re not their top language.

This was true for my husband and me when we first started our relationship, where one of his dominant love languages was acts of service. My dominant language at the time was words of affirmation. Now, I think that these are still pretty strong for us. However, over the course of many, many years, we’ve learned each other’s language. So, we’re bilingual or even trilingual. That has really helped support our sense of expression and giving and receiving of love.

And so, at the beginning of our relationship, some of you may have heard me referenced this before in previous podcasts, but he would do things for me. He was so helpful. I kept thinking to myself, “Wow! He’s super thoughtful, and he’s really generous with his acts. He does a lot of things.” I thought it was great, but I didn’t quite understand that that was his way of telling me that he really cared about me and loved me. Whereas I would give him a lot of verbal affirmation. I would affirm him. I would write cards. It meant something, but again, it didn’t register and hit home.

And conversely, where I recognized very quickly that he really cared about it, if I said I was going to do something, my act of doing it meant a whole lot to him. It’s almost as if in our primary love language if we feel the opposite, it’s going to hurt more than it would if that’s not someone’s primary love language. So, if I said, I’m going to get the car serviced and then I don’t, that might not bother someone who maybe doesn’t have acts of service as their primary love language, where it meant a lot for my husband. I’m so glad I picked that up early on because not that I don’t follow through. It just doesn’t mean the same thing to me. I really was conscientious of, okay, this means a lot to him, and this is a way that I can express my care and being conscientious. If I say something, he’s going to be thinking that and holding that in mind.

And also, over the course of many, many years, I was talking to a friend recently. I was complimenting my husband because, in the beginning, he would give me these cards for a birthday or holiday or something, and it would have the card greeting in it and the sentiment that was already printed in the card. And then he would pretty much write, “I love you. Love, Reid.” And I was like, “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” It was such a letdown in the beginning. And now, oh my goodness, he’s come so far. And again, this is less about, oh, he’s growing, but more of him learning how to reach me, how to hit home, and really connect with love language that really matters to me. And so, now, I save these cards because he writes the most beautiful cards. They touch me deeply. I’m like, “Wow! He has gotten so great at this, and it’s super beautiful.”

We have a few other love languages that we really match, which has helped support rounding this out. And today’s love language, you’re going to hear me reference a few examples from our relationship as well.

If you’re new to love languages, I do think it can be fine. I think Gary Chapman also put a link to his website. He’s got a self-test where you can take a self-exam and get your top love language. It’s a fun thing to do and to just bring some awareness to this because typically, we give what we like to receive.

So, that’s a pretty good indicator. The thing that you do the most out of these five. So, quality time, that’s really just giving undivided attention. Words of affirmation, that’s really verbally complimenting, affirming, just encouraging your partner with verbal, whether or not it’s written or spoken. Acts of service are doing something, whether or not it’s making dinner or getting the car serviced or some act of helpfulness. For gifts, it can be purchased, but it can also be picked up. It doesn’t have to have an associated monetary value. It’s more the physical symbolism. It’s a tactical, concrete, physical thing that represents “I thought of you. I’m thinking of you. I love you, and I care about you.” In some people, that means a whole lot to them. And the last one, physical touch. This can be anything from holding hands to sitting close and cuddling or kissing, sexual intimacy, lovemaking, that physical contact.

The 6th love language. Again, this is not endorsed by Gary Chapman. This is just something that people have been blogging and writing about. And as the way we’re discussing it today is for space. This is giving your partner space. Some physical distance or even emotional relational distance. It’s an act of deep love and care. Because for some more than others, and this is true for all the love languages, you’re going to have your primary or even secondary language, and some of the other ones will not rank as high and might not mean as much. So, this may not resonate for you personally, but it might for your partner. Or perhaps you’re listening to this, and it’s like, “Oh my gosh, I need this so much. And this is something that I crave, and I have such a difficult time getting in my relationship.” For some, this sense of space or solitude can bring peace that one could not get any other way. This can be the time to contemplate, reflect, process, and feel one’s own truth, intuition, feelings, and thoughts.

Sometimes, if we’re so engaged in a relationship or outward stimuli or external focus that we can be distracted and really need this time with oneself. Now, this can be more true for introverts or people who are highly sensitive. And again, if that term is new to you, I would encourage you to check out Elaine Aaron’s website, the highly sensitive person. I’ll also reference a previous podcast. Actually, I have a couple on the highly sensitive person. I even have an article. I’ll reference that as well.

For the highly sensitive person, they’re picking up on a lot of nuances, subtleties in life. There’s a lot more to process. Wherein, someone who isn’t as highly sensitive, isn’t absorbing as much so they’re able to kind of keep carrying on and embark on many things and engage in many things like a triple fun day, so to speak, where you might go to a water park for the day, and then you go to a loud, happy hour restaurant. Then you go to a loud concert in the evening. Some people would be absolutely fine with that, where someone else might be like, “Oh my gosh, I’m fried. I need some downtime just to have quiet and chill.

So again, this will depend on someone’s sensitivity level, their personality, their sense of style, and just even their familiarity around how they grew up. Pretty much, I have a brother, but I was nine when he was born. So, I grew up mostly as an only child. I’m very comfortable and very much enjoy my alone time. And so, sometimes, the way family structure and culture can influence how much time we need to thrive or would be optimal for us. And conversely, how much we might not recognize that our partner needs more time for that self-care, or for that alone time, that restorative time.

As someone who can strongly relate to extroverts, I’m pretty down the middle with extraversion and introversion, at least the personality tests that I’ve taken. I very much can swing either way. I very much love people and enjoy social engagement. I think, if anything, I have a lean towards extraversion. And this, I will say, even with the strong introvert aspects of myself of liking time to contemplate, being very comfortable in my own company and enjoying time to reflect and process, still, it’s been a journey for me to understand how necessary and life-giving and almost critical it is for people. I’ll just say for myself, my husband, to have this time. It’s not just a bonus. It’s really necessary for optimal living and real functioning. Because if I press him, or if I want him to be engaged and he needs time, it’s just won’t work. It’s not healthy for him. Or we’ll run into conflict, right? If I press him, and I’m probing and prompting, and he’s spent, he’s not going to have a lot to offer me, or he might shut down or, he might get grumpy. There’s a lot of ways in which he could respond, but all of which are indicating I’m really a no to this at the moment.

If I really put myself into the shoes of someone who is more artistic or has this contemplated, or even this intellectual side, it can be exhausting to even just live with someone and share space. This is where you’ll hear people want a man cave or a she-shed, or even you’ve heard in more extreme, like people living in different sides of the house.

I have a client, and he talked about his father and his mother building a home. They essentially had two separate wings. And then, in the middle, they had their common space. But it was the solution because they really needed this time separate. And then, they enjoyed their together time. I think we’ve even heard probably more on the rare, but some couples will live in separate homes. Whereas other couples will perhaps sleep in separate bedrooms. This might be more out of necessity where one might snore or be a loud sleeper while the other is a super soft or light sleeper.

Couples and partners negotiate this in many different ways. I think it can be really helpful for us to name it. Because I think culturally, there’s such pressure to be on and engaged. There’s a sense of if you really love someone or care about them, then you want to be fully engaged. So, it’s almost like it’s not okay to take time for self-care within a relationship. I think this is changing. It’s such a real difficult balance in partnership, where negotiating to have some more language and understanding is really important.

In my sessions with clients via couples coaching or individual coaching with a relationship focus, I’m hoping people gain access to a deeper understanding of what’s going on underneath. And this is on a deeper level. Most of which we’re not conscious of. This can be extremely helpful to gain access because the more aware and the more conscious we are of it, the more we can reveal it to our significant other. And so much of where couples get off track is when they look at what it looks like on the outside and perceive it in a particular way.

We might protect. We might protest. We might defend. There might be lots of ways that we will block that. I did an episode about how we block vulnerability or how the vulnerability is difficult. I’ll make sure to put that link on today’s show notes if you’re wanting to learn a little bit more about that.

And then, also, how we receive our significant other. They mean so much to us, and the stakes are high. Therefore, the threats are going to feel more significant when they perhaps look unhappy or give you a look or a tone of voice or seem upset that we’re going to experience that in a particular way. So, this is where it really gets off track, and a lot of disconnect happens. One of the things that we do to really counteract that is have these more revealing conversations. And this is easier said than done, right? There’s a lot of safety that can help with this. And then also a lot of again, accessing those deeper layers. I’ll share an example just from my own life in a moment around what a small example would look like.

One of the things that I want to mention around this 6th love language is for people where this love language is very important; I think they sometimes struggle with articulating it or asking for it, or educating their partner. I can’t tell you how many people I have encouraged to show this, reveal this because on the outside to the partner, it can look like, “Oh, you don’t want to be with me.” “Oh, you don’t like me that much.” Or, “Oh, you don’t care about me.” Or, “You didn’t miss me.” Or, “You don’t love me.” Those fears can get activated when we don’t know how to really communicate or show that need really explicitly. Again, the signals can get really crossed.

Unfortunately, I have a dear family member. I think they broke up for other reasons. Their engagement got broken off. This was a few years ago. But one of the things that were challenging and would escalate their cycle would be he would come home, and she would have been home all day. She would want to engage, and they were pretty new in their relationship, a couple of years in. And so, there’s still so much of this romance and desire to connect. Not that that goes away, but it changes with the evolution of relationships. So, there was still this honeymoon, newness, romance phase around their dynamic.

That family member of mine, he is highly sensitive. He is more of an introvert and needed time to transition from work to personal space. He needed some time to decompress before engaging. He’d actually be more engaged and wanting to engage but needed some time to shed the day to let go of the stress and perhaps even contemplate, reflect, and process a little bit so that he could get really grounded and then be available. That was such a conflict. She would take it very personally. She would feel threatened, would feel triggered, and then would escalate and actually start provoking him and protesting and trying to get a reaction out of him. He’s obviously not in the best space. And so then, as you can see, that can spiral very quickly.

So many judgments, so many character attacks, so many things can happen. I’ve heard clients speak of this where perhaps, let’s say my client is more of this needing the 6th love language, have a little bit more space. His significant other would think, “Well, what’s wrong with you? Why don’t you want to have a party with 30 people? Like, something was wrong with him. And so, he would get really stuck in that. And part of the encouragement here was, “Oh, I would love for them to know what this means to you.” Or, again, educating. This is almost like the module, or here’s the training manual for what I know about myself that helps. And not that it’s all about one person, but again, this deeper reveal helps the person understand. This is all about how we love each other better.

I have definitely had to learn this being a partner to someone who is highly sensitive and is an introvert and needs this time. There could be even some aspect of gender that could relate to this as well where a man stereotypically might have received an enormous amount of messaging that it’s not okay to be vulnerable, it’s not okay to be scared, it’s not okay to be sad or these full spectrums of emotions that have not been really encouraged or given permission for.

There’s research that shows men have the same capacity for emotional intelligence. However, the difference in gender lies in the ability to name it, articulate it. And that makes sense culturally because oftentimes, parents talk differently with their daughters than they do with their sons about emotions. Then, we look at how children are brought up in the cultural context, particularly Western cultures, what it means to be a boy, and the peer pressure or what it is.

And again, I think a lot of this is changing, especially as we’re looking at topics of gender conformity and many different conversations around gender. I actually have Joseph when talking with us about gender. I’m really looking forward to sharing that episode with you. So, stay tuned for that. But all of this to say that gender may play a role in this 6th love language because I remember when I started my private practice in Boulder, Colorado, I had a lot of men asking me this question around, what do I do when my significant other in a heterosexual relationship is wanting me, pressing me, to try to resolve a conflict. I have no idea what I’m feeling or what I need. I’m not ready to have a conversation.

This is precisely what my husband and I were up against. So, when we were in the early stages of a relationship, this has evolved, and I’m so grateful that this does not exist anymore. There’s been a lot of learning and growth on both of our sides.

However, initially, I would be ready to have a conversation and try to resolve a conflict rather quickly. I would be able to identify what I was feeling. I was ready to articulate it. And I was ready to process. Whereas my husband would need time. I’m talking significant time, what felt like significant to me, which was often several days, where it would take him time to reflect, to feel. That introverted experience sometimes for him, he describes it as, “I need to feel inward. I need to tune in to sense, to discern, and it’s this real embodied feeling of going inward.” That would take some time and space.

Initially, I would feel really threatened by that. I did have some of those fears of, “Is he wanting to resolve those with me? Does he not care that much?” I mean, there’ll be times where he would literally shut down. Whether or not he would get sleepy, or he would just start saying, I don’t know. Or if he would say I don’t want to talk about it. I would feel a threat initially.

My deep fear was abandonment, but I wasn’t always conscious of that. At the moment, it was more like, “How come you don’t have the words, and what’s your problem?” I didn’t really say that, but that was the energy. As he would take the time, I was doing my work. I can talk about that in another episode if you guys are interested. But I did a lot of work on really trying to soothe my own anxiety to really work with my fears to get solid in my own two feet. All that was for me.

And what would come from this is once I would realize he wasn’t ready; I would recognize and do my work rather than continue to pursue him. That was a really important thing. And then, the beautiful thing that would happen would be he would come to me, or he would share what he was able to glean from that space. And that was the game-changer. Because if he never came back, I would have nothing to work with. And when he would come back, I would feel his engagement. I would feel his care, and then we would move forward and talk about whatever we needed to talk about and have our resolution.

I will tell you. For years, meaning, beginning. I mean, we just celebrated our nine-year wedding anniversary. We were together 6+ years before that. We’ve had a history here that has given us this opportunity, and we have done the work, so we have definitely evolved this. The first several years, it was excruciating. I mean, I would do my work. I was committed to the work because I believed in the process. And again, I can share a lot more around this. It was difficult to give him this space. I had to manage a lot of my own pain and anxiety, and fears. And what would come from it was truly beautiful.

I will say that with practice, I trust this process so much. I want to honor and encourage and support all the time that he needs. I value that so, so, so much. I did before, but it was more intellectual. Now I have a real felt experience around it. As I feel into this, the healthier he is, the more he can engage and really co-create a relationship with me and vice versa. And so, the health of the relationship and the opportunity for us to grow together is so much increased by this practice that I can’t emphasize it enough. I just want to continue to support it because what he ends up bringing to me after this time and space is so much more beautiful than I could have ever asked for often, or pushed for, or pursued for.

I said I was going to share an example about revealing the inside parts when it relates to a conflict. As I mentioned, my husband and I have evolved our patterns. They will probably always continue to evolve. We are still fine-tuning our ability to reveal and express what’s going on, on a deeper level with one another. This was a minor conflict, but even you guys might relate to this.

We can feel ourselves protecting. We can feel the threat, the stress, and the discomfort of it, especially with the person we love the most. It’s amazing how these small moments can really set us on this off-track cycle.

So, this was Thursday night. As a backdrop to this, the situation of this is he has been working a ton. He has been moonlighting a startup, working nights and weekends, and really working extremely hard to get this app off the ground. The app is called Grief Refuge. It’s supporting people who are dealing with grief, having lost a loved one, and giving them support online. One way to think about it is it’s like Calm if you’re familiar with the meditation app but really specific to people that are grieving. It’s lots of resources. Yeah, you can check that out. I’ll put a link on today’s show notes.

I also work very hard. We both work really hard, and we both love beach volleyball. This is one of our loves, our recreational activities. I typically play Wednesday morning. I play on the weekends. Most of the time, Saturdays, sometimes Sundays. Occasionally, I’ll get a few other games in, and this has been greatly reduced. When we first moved here, I think there was a day that I played 11 days in a row. It was nuts. I actually injured my shoulder. I was playing too much. But that’s just to tell you how much we love it.

I got asked to play Thursday after work which is unusual. My husband and I had planned to watch the woman’s Olympic beach volleyball gold match which the US team was in that gold match and as we know or maybe you don’t know, but they were able to take gold, and that was Alex Klineman and April Ross, so that was super fun to see.

Leading up to this, he had queued it up and was waiting for me. It was already in play. It was happening. But when I got home, I still needed to shower and eat before I was ready to sit down and watch the match with him. And so, as I was getting in the shower, he was just checking in with me. And to be efficient, I had asked him, “Would you be willing to heat up my dinner?” as we had some leftovers from the previous night. And he said, “Yes”. But his nonverbals told me he wasn’t really happy about it. And as I was watching him, I was kind of confused. I was thinking to myself, “I make dinner almost every night. And you don’t want to heat up food for me?” I was in this question of like, “How rude.” I didn’t say that. And just to be clear, my husband contributes. I have no complaint about the equity of our contributions.

So, I shower. I’m quick about it. He heats up the food. And as the evening progresses, I think after the match is done, I was checking in with him, and he was talking about just feeling a little upset about all the sacrifices he’s making. That makes total sense. I was also simultaneously wondering, is he implicitly resentful or trying to send me this implied cue of he’s not happy that I went and played volleyball? I was like, “Does he want me to feel bad or guilty?” I was confused.

It called to mind where back in 2008 2009, I was doing a full-time internship. So, I was working full-time at San Jose State University during my pre-doctoral internship. Like I said, I had had a master’s and had worked with teens before that but this was an extension of my training. I was doing my dissertation on the evenings and the weekends.

I recall many times, where it’s a beautiful sunny day, and it’s the weekend, and my husband is like, “Bye! See you.” And he’s off to go play. I think at that time he was going to play grass volleyball. We lived in the Bay Area at the time. I remember wanting to kick my computer just feeling stuck inside on a weekend and just the sacrifices. It sucked. It was hard. So, from that place of empathy, I could really acknowledge how difficult it is and the sacrifices and just how painful it can be sometimes to devote so much to work and maybe be out of balance with this work-life balance.

And even still, I was like, “There’s something else. What is it? What is he wanting me to get?” We didn’t clear it. The next day, I could feel inside myself just feeling a little protected, feeling, again, that concern and worry that he is upset with me, or he’s resentful that I went and played volleyball, which again, it feels silly, but this is where we go in the cycle of off-track.

And so, the next day, we talked. I shared with him that I was feeling a little protective and worried about him being resentful. And he said, “No, I wasn’t resentful at all.” And then, as he got to share, and he was telling me about what his experience was, I was like, “Oh, I get it. You’ve been working, and you were having a moment of feeling really upset.” And then, I come home from volleyball, and I just had fun. And then I’m like, “Can you make me dinner?” And really, what it was, was that he wanting me to feel a little more sensitive to the fact that he’s having this experience. And so, after hearing that, I was like, “Absolutely. I get that. That makes sense.” I don’t think the request would have been different, but the sensitivity around it, the delivery around it, and me being able to see him and have that consideration. And while I did, I didn’t express it. He couldn’t see it on the outside, right. So, that’s where this can get really off track.

And then immediately, as we were able to clear the air, I felt my heart open to him. I felt softened to him. I felt my connection to him so much more palatable. So, this is interesting, right? It’s a small minor example, but it does really show just these inside parts and how we don’t always see them. And when we’re not connected, we can get off track really easily. And how this relates to space is had I been in that many, many, many, many years past tendency to probe and ask questions and prompt, I would not have gotten an understanding of his inside parts because he wouldn’t have been ready, and it wouldn’t have gone well. Yeah, giving that time and space, and gratefully I’m happy to say it doesn’t need to be weeks or days. But that, you know, we can have a deeper conversation and clear that air the next day. And sometimes, still, on bigger issues, it might take longer. As I said, I’m deeply committed too. That doesn’t mean that there might be moments that I feel challenged with this. And again, the long game is what I’m in it for.

If we can focus on the long game in a relationship, whether or not you’re the person that benefits from more time and space or perhaps that your partner benefits from more of this time and space, if we can come together more resourced, more present, more available, then we have more opportunity to engage in a real relationship. Authentic, true relationship. And really, both people win. The person that benefits from this time and space will feel more grateful, more engaged. And the person that perhaps is giving the time and space will feel the reward of your partner engaging with you more deeply and more fully. And again, as I am mentioning, the type of relationship that gets to be cultivated in this health is worth it.

Oh, I’m looking at the time, and I must be chatting a ton today because I don’t feel like I got as far as I had intended. So, what this will mean is I am going to create the next episode for this same topic, how to use the 6th love language in your relationship, because I’m going to be talking about where it gets difficult, our expectations, and how some of our modern-day life and the changes and how we can potentially ask for this space and the gift of this space and what it can look like and giving you some real practical tips and tools and examples. I encourage you to stay tuned for the next episode. I will release the second part to this episode.

Thank you for listening to this episode. Again, #281: How to Use The 6th Love Language in Your Relationship. If you would like access to today’s show notes, you can visit DrJessicaHiggins.com. Click on podcast there in that top navigation bar, and you’ll have access to all of the episodes. Again, today is Episode #281.

On the show notes, you’ll have links mentioned. You’ll have a transcript. You’ll have key takeaways. I encourage you to check that out. And if you would be willing to take a moment, probably a couple of minutes, to give us a rating and review. We would love to hear from you. Until next time. I hope you take great care.

Signing Off

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