ERP 312: How To Keep Your Relationship Passion Alive & Hot — An Interview With Emily Pereira

By Posted in - Podcast March 22nd, 2022 0 Comments

Sex is an expression of our love and passion with our significant other but over time our desire for it tends to fade away. According to Esther Perel, what makes sex really hot is the mystery. However, when we enter long-term partnerships, we lose that mystery.

We understand the importance of maintaining sex in a long-term relationship, yet it’s frequently a taboo subject to discuss. So, in this episode, Emily Pereira will share her story, knowledge, and effective practices that foster openness and transformation that can lead to a more intimate relationship.

Emily Pereira is an International retreat leader, yoga teacher, and women’s coach —coined by her clients as the “Relationship Whisperer”. After 13 years of intensive and extensive spiritual training and exploration, she has amassed a treasure trove of astonishing wisdom + powerful practices. She’s used these to heal her own love story and transform her life. Over the years, she’s had the honor of helping hundreds of women ignite their intimate, heart-thumping, passionate, I got-your-back-no-matter-what love, and build the family and lifestyle of their dreams.

In this Episode

4:48 The inspiration behind Emily’s desire for helping couples rekindle their intimate relationships.

9:47 The importance of creating a new version of yourself that you can bring back to the relationship.

17:21 How to overcome the fear of trying something new.

19:50 Advice for people who don’t even know what they want sexually.

38:20 About the programs that Emily offers to help couples ignite their intimate relationships with their partners.

Your Check List of Actions to Take

  • Push yourself to the edge of your comfort zone to discover new versions of yourself. Then, bring that back to the relationship.
  • Give yourself permission to be a beginner. It is not too late to try something new.
  • Communicate what you want and be open to hearing what your partner wants.
  • Try breathwork classes, journaling, Kundalini yoga, or simply dance with your favorite playlist.
  • In the morning, sit down and write 10 things you have gratitude for and why.


The Quest (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

Legendary Lovership

The Quest for Love Academy

7 Day Goddess CleanseMating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Kimberly Holmes




Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins






Twitter: @DrJessHiggins 


Email: [email protected]

About Today’s Show

Emily, thank you for joining us today.

Thank you so much, Jessica. It’s an honor to be here.

Yeah, just in our brief talking before we started recording, I can tell how passionate you are and just what you’re supporting people into, and the sense of all the work that you do in really helping cultivate a real richness in one’s life. As we talk about relationships and the topic of keeping things hot and spicy in a long-term relationship, can you talk a little bit about where you’re coming from with just even this topic?

Absolutely, this is one of my favorite topics. Because there are so many values to really having long-term relationships, so many rewards to having that shared history and those shared values, especially if you have children and family. But oftentimes, it’s like the pressures of the world come in; all the different stressors, exhaustion from children. So a lot of times that can start to make these fissures in the relationship; sometimes things get cold and distant, sometimes things just turn into a roommate situation. 

Many couples come to me, and they’ve tried many different things over the years. It’s this idea that, like: “We’re a couple, we need to work on this together.” Yes, there are certainly many things you can do together. But sometimes what’s often overlooked is this understanding that we can actually do a lot of things on our own. 

“A relationship is like a potluck dinner, so you want to come to the potluck dinner with something to share.”

In the beginning of a relationship, it’s like the hormones are firing, and all the magic is there, and it’s just easy. But then, sort of at some point, it’s like that magic – that really strong sexual attraction, and the polarity – flitters off into the night sky with no mention of if it’s ever going to return. You’re like, we’ve tried to do all these things to get it back, and it’s just not coming back. 

Essentially, it’s like, if you’re going to a potluck dinner, you want to bring something to feast on. If you show up to a potluck dinner empty-handed, then there’s nothing to feast on. So in our lives, we need to go into our own lives and have experiences where we are pushed to the edge of our comfort zone, where we’re discovering new versions of ourselves, and growing and expanding. Then we get to bring that back to the relationship, and that’s like bringing the food back to the potluck dinner that we get to feast on again. 

Maybe you’ve heard of Esther Perel, she’s an incredible relationship coach, and she’s done all this research all around the world. She found that, what are the things that make couples most attracted to each other? One of the things was missing the partner, and the other one was really seeing them in their power, like doing something that they feel really good about. So if we are not going into our own lives and cultivating that passion and that purpose for ourselves, then we don’t have that to bring back to the relationship. So oftentimes, in long-term couples, we’re sort of trying to rely on the relationship to do something for us, and it throws the relationship out of balance.

I can resonate with what you’re saying, Emily. I appreciate just how we’re talking more specifically about the intimate, the sexual, and the real bonding around the passion. Because I think as people perhaps are listening to you, they can absolutely get that relationally this is really important. Whether it’s your career or your purpose in the world, whatever it is that you’re passionate about, or your hobbies, when you bring that back to the relationship, that energy is what you’re describing around bringing something that we can share and we can learn about each other. 

I mean, one of the things that I’ve heard people talk about too is that dopamine hit that we get when we’re learning, when we’re growing. We feel inside ourselves, that neuro-chemical response and that juice, if you will. That if we can share that with our significant other, the bonding that happens with that. So we’ll hear a story about someone who’s on a work trip, and they just presented and it was this huge deal. If they can’t call their significant other, or their significant other isn’t there, they’re going to want to share it with someone. That sense of intimacy that gets shared when we can bring our excitement, bring our real successes to the relationship, that’s really bonding. 

If I’m hearing you correctly, this is what you’re talking about sexually. I can just resonate that so often, where couples get stuck is this beginning around how to initiate. We’re tracking. Do they want to have sex? Or do I want to have sex? Even this idea of almost Lazy Lovers, that we enter into a long-term relationship and we just expect that fire to just self-sustain when we’re talking about the sexuality part. So it makes perfect sense that we would bring that vitality to the sexual intimacy. But can you give us an example – because I feel like those are less visible in modern-day living – around how we bring a dish to the table at the potluck for our sexual intimacy?

Well, one of the things that Esther actually found in her research was that what makes sex really hot is mystery. So when we get into these long-term relationships, we lose the mystery. But we have to go out into our own lives and push ourselves to the edge of our comfort zone, and that’s going to look different for different people. For one person, it might be like: “Oh, I’ve never taken a guitar lesson before, and I’ve always had this secret yearning to take guitar. I’m going to take a guitar lesson.” For somebody else, it might be like: “I want to go hang gliding.” For somebody else, it’s like: “I’m going to take a permaculture class.” Like, something that’s just a little bit outside of your comfort zone. 

Because what that does is that allows you to meet a new version of yourself, and as you need a meet version of yourself, you get to bring back that new shiny version of yourself to the partnership. There’s a newness there. There’s a mystery there. 

“When we get into those long-term relationships, we make assumptions that we know everything about that person. In doing that, that really kills the spark.”

So it’s that willingness to go off into our own lives, and give ourselves permission. Because there’s sort of like this little cascade reaction that happens. When we give ourselves permission to be beginners and to really be in the beginner’s mind – where it’s like: “Okay, I don’t need to be the expert to show up and participate. I can just do this” – that allows us to access our dormant passions. 

We all were born with passions; there’s not like some people who were blessed with passions. I thought until I was in my early-30s that some people were blessed with passions and some people weren’t, and I thought I was one of the people who was not blessed with a lot of passions. But I didn’t understand that it’s actually judgment that prevents us from being able to access those passions. So when we give ourselves permission to be like: “Hey, it’s okay. I can be a beginner. I can show up and do this, even though I’ve never done this before,” that leads us to our passions. 

Our passions are no accident. Our passions are like the compass that directs us to our purpose. So when you are a person living in a place of passion and purpose, wow, that is just super-sexy! You’re constantly going to be in a place of curiosity, because you’re wanting to learn more, you’re wanting to discover more about yourself and about those things that you feel passionate about. So it becomes this self-sustaining system for your relationship.

Yes. It sounds as though if we can be in that beginner’s mind, we’re taking off or letting go of the restraints or the walls that we put around ourselves that are essentially hopefully, first developed by trying to keep us safe. But as you’re trying to help us think about expanding that terrain, we can kind of bust through that a bit. 

As you’re talking, it reminds me of something, this was several years ago. I play beach volleyball, and I absolutely love it. I learned as an adult; I didn’t play in high school, I didn’t play in college. The fundamental is, I just didn’t get that traditional training. So I did go through that process of playing recreationally, picking it up, really not knowing what I was doing and the whole thing. 

I remember, I was talking to a friend at a gathering, and she was the new partner of one of the guys that plays beach volleyball. She’s young and has a lot of capability, but she was just like, it’s embarrassing. Because I was asking her if she plays beach volleyball, and she’s like: “No, not really. It’s humiliating and embarrassing, and I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s super awkward.” I was like, I highly recommend it. 

Because if we can get over that initial discomfort, the long-term benefits, it’s so wonderful to feel like you’re doing something that you enjoy, and then you’re social, you’re outdoors enjoying nature. Regardless, but like just getting over that hump. Because she did have desire, and I could see it, that’s why I was encouraging her. It sounds like that’s what you’re speaking to in part.

Absolutely. The thing is, so many women come to me and they have lives that look good on paper, but they can’t figure out why they don’t feel more excited and just satisfied and fulfilled in life. I think what happens is that we grow up and we get validated for certain things that we’re good at, and we like being validated for those things, of course. But we end up sort of starting to get in our own lane, and we stay in that lane. 

But what we don’t really understand is that we can be in a lot of lanes at one time; we just need to give ourselves permission. Because it kind of gets scary as we become adults to do things that we’re maybe not very good at, especially with a lot of validation for the things that we are good at. But when we look at children who are in beginner’s minds all the time, they are living from a place of wide-eyed wonder and curiosity and joy. So we can really take a page from their book and realize like: “Okay, I can give myself permission to just be a beginner. It’s okay.” This can transfer to any aspect of your life. It can transfer to your sexual life as well with your partner to say: “Okay, I think I know everything about what I like in the bedroom, but maybe not. Maybe I’m just going to be a beginner and try something new.”

Yes. You’re inviting people to look at perhaps the ways that they’ve internalized messages that they’ve received along the way, as well as how they continue to judge themselves. So if we can take off that, or perhaps challenge that, or offer space for that beginner’s mind. I can see that you’re bringing this back to sex, which I appreciate. Because so often, we have a lot of self-judgment, or even scripts, around what we tend to do, what our habits are, and what the lane is around where we are good in love-making perhaps even. That over time, like you’re saying, it doesn’t allow for this newness, this dynamic expansion and passion.

Exactly. That’s where a lot of intimacy comes from is actually the co-creation between two couples, whether it’s in the bedroom – doing something new for the first time together, having that journey, that bonding experience – or creating something. It could be creating anything from a garden out in your backyard, or, in the case of my partner and me, we’re creating a retreat and wellness center and a conscious community here in Costa Rica; we live in Costa Rica full-time. Having a shared mission and a co-creative project is incredibly bonding, and it really creates a spark and a fire in the relationship.

Thank you, I’m so grateful. I would love to hear more about that in a moment, just what the two of you are creating in this wellness center, and the mission and the purpose and the life that it gives you to be so vision-driven, to have that motivation and that bonding together. 

Before we go there, I would love to talk a little bit more about this space sexually. Because as we’re talking, I’m very aware that recognizing the judgments and perhaps giving more room to explore could feel safer, even though it is very uncomfortable and awkward to perhaps go play a new sport that you’ve never played. But when we think about perhaps even the terror or the fear that might emerge when we bring it into the sexual context with our significant other, that matters more than anyone else. While we’d think that that is the safest place, it can feel like the riskiest place because the stakes are so high: to be so exposed, to be so vulnerable, to allow that beginner’s mind to be a part of the lovemaking. Can you speak to that, because it sounds so much easier said than done?

Well, communication is going to be a big part of it, and being able to communicate your desires to your partner. I think that, at the end of the day, sexual beings is the essence of who we are, beyond all of the programming and all of the messages that we’ve received from our society. I mean, we get very confusing messages from our society. On one hand, it’s like, don’t be a slut. On the other hand, we’ve got Victoria’s Secret models on billboards on every street. So it’s like, where’s the middle ground there? But being able to communicate what you want, and also being open to hearing what your partner wants, and just being able to open up that line of communication. Just start there and see how the conversation begins. 

Also, as you’re moving through that experience, to focus less on goals and more on just sensations. Like, how am I feeling really tuning into the senses? Because for most women, what they want is a more sensual experience. So to really realize that sensuality is not necessarily sexuality; sensuality is really tuning into like, what am I really feeling in my body? When we do that, it becomes such a beautiful connector for the other person, because there’s not this pressure on the other person to do something for you. 

Yes. Because when I was making the joke earlier about Lazy Lovers, there’s that idea that my partner’s going to turn me on, or that our connection and our chemistry is the thing that I rely on to be aroused. So what you’re really speaking to is, can you be more connected to your senses, to perhaps your desire, and can you speak to that? I’m aware that perhaps certain lifestyles might support this more, this connectedness and this mind-body, versus other people who maybe are more compartmentalized or are living more intellectually to access this sensing, and even the understanding of what they want. Like, what would you help people with that might even listen to you right now and say: “I don’t even know what I really want sexually. If I were to approach that space, I’m not sure what I would communicate.”

Well, a great place to start that’s sort of like dipping a toe in the water, before you even go into the sexual realm, is to just connect with your body: through breath, through different embodiment practices. So embodiment practices are exactly what they sound like, and this is really at the core of the work I do with women in my programmes and my retreats. These embodiment practices bring you into the body, and when you’re in your body, you’re able to shift from a mindset that’s a more static mindset, into a more fluid mindset. So the fluid mindset is really the mindset of The Quest, which is the title of the book that I wrote. It’s called The Quest, and it’s really about this epic inner journey to find the jewel inside, which is the essential self, the spiritual self; the self that knows who you are, the self that knows why you’re here and exactly what you want. 

So it can be anything that really soothes you or relaxes you. These are things where we want to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, so the rest-and-digest. This can be like sound healing, or ecstatic dance, relaxing, like Yin Yoga, or Kundalini Yoga that works a lot with the breath, and journaling. Really, anything that’s going to bring you into the energetic body in a way that’s not stressful. 

I feel like we can spend all of our time right here, right now, just because it’s so important. I think we all intellectually might know it, and might even be in the practice of cultivating it to some extent, but just how important it is. Perhaps I would say, the large majority of people aren’t accessing this enough. What would you say? 

Yeah, we’re a very cerebral culture where we celebrate the mind, and the intuition doesn’t get a lot of airtime. But really, when we’re in that place when we activate the parasympathetic nervous system, this is when you’re getting into the theta and beta brain states. This is when the societal conditioning begins to fall away, and you become one with that jewel inside that I talked about: the inner self that knows really what your deepest desires are. 

So this is a good first step. You can just Google breathwork classes, Kundalini Yoga, ecstatic dance, or just put on a great playlist and dance around your house. You’re going to start to notice that you feel really different, and you’re starting to get out of the monkey mind of all of those crazy thoughts that are zipping and zapping through your mind. You know, there’s this intuition where it’s sort of this softer, kinder voice coming through. The voice that has a more curious feeling to it than judgment and knowing everything.

I can just say for myself that when I create space in my life to engage in this, it’s so immediately right there. I just am grateful to have access to it. Just as you’re saying, we’re wired up, it’s part of us, it’s in us. It’s not something we have to adopt or gather from somewhere outside of ourselves. It’s just cultivating the space to get connected. To be in the breath, to be in the body and the movement, that then gives us the experience that we can start to then have more contact with.

Absolutely. It is so beautiful, I just finished hosting two back-to-back retreats here in Costa Rica. Essentially, the retreat is a five-day immersive embodiment practice. I mean, there’s many, many different embodiment practices throughout those five days. But I had the benefit of doing them for two straight weeks, with a day in between. I know how powerful these practices are, but to do them consistently for that many days. Oh my gosh, I just was like: I feel so clear, I feel so good! It’s just amazing to see the transformations that happen in women in a very, very short period of time, when we really use the synergy of many of these embodiment practices together.

Yeah. I imagine even just in the collective, that group experience is heightening and giving support to and amplifying, perhaps it just allows somebody to feel that container to access more of that. 

Absolutely. One of the things that we do on these retreats is, I’m trained in this specific writing methodology called the Gateless Method. This method is all about soothing the inner critic. 

“When we soothe the inner critic, that’s when the essential self can come forth. The essential self is the creative self, and the creative self makes us feel really sexy.”

So this is a part of us that we are all creative beings. But I know for myself, I did not think I was a creative person until my early 30s. I was like, that’s for somebody else. It wasn’t until I started doing the deep introspective work and really giving myself permission to be the beginner that I actually unlocked this part of myself. I wrote my book, The Quest. I started playing guitar, writing songs, singing, painting paintings, dancing burlesque, doing all sorts of different things. 

There’s something so powerful about connecting with this essential self. Because it creates a cascade of spiritual changes in your life, and you start to care less about what’s happening with other people, what I don’t have, what do other people have, and you’re more interested in your own internal world. 

“When you start to really tap into this wellspring of creative passion inside of yourself, this is when lack and scarcity and limitation start to fall away, and you start to really dig your own company.”

You really start to have that sovereignty, and that sovereignty is so sexy. Because you are not crouching over into your partner’s world saying “make me okay.” You’re saying I’m good as I am, and your partner’s like: “Hey, I want to connect with that.”

Exactly. I was just about to go there, I’m so glad you spelled that out. Because I was about to say that when we are in contact and we have this sovereignty – I just love that word in this context – that gives us that anchor, that alignment, that motivation, and that strength. That we don’t feel perhaps so lonely or terrified when we’re approaching lovemaking with our significant other, because we’re in contact with something, that inner jewel that you’re describing that is so beautiful. Like, we have our own back, if you will.

Absolutely. Little things just roll off your shoulders, and you don’t get jealous. It’s just a whole different terrain. Trust me, I know the other way. Because in my 20s, I was a hot mess! Totally jealous, totally clingy, all of these things – because I had yet to find the jewel inside – super triggered about everything, always wanting to work on the relationship, needing a lot of hand-holding, and this type of stuff. Now I look back at that girl and I just want to give her a big hug, and tell her that she’s going to be okay. But there’s a whole nother way. It has less to do with getting the man to come in and do a therapy class session with you, and really more with building those foundational blocks within myself that allow you to have that beautiful sovereignty that is so attractive no matter what age you are. 

In my experience, this is a journey. I can go back and forth, where I might notice my human tendencies, relational patterns, and perhaps the old unconscious stuff starts to lessen and be less relevant. I can still feel the echo or even the remembrance, or just even the imprint that I’ve known in my life. But I can also feel the other aspect of what we’re talking about here, which is the sourcing and the embodiment and that inner jewel that you’re referring to, that continues to help me get into contact and bring that. So I think for a lot of us, it can be a journey and just really prioritizing. 

I appreciate your voice on this, because I think, culturally, we don’t place enough emphasis and value and priority on this space. So I love that you’re just really speaking to the benefits that you’ve experienced and you’ve received. That you’re like, I wouldn’t want to go back to the heady, maybe disembodied or feeling insecure, and that lack of maybe real sovereignty that you’re speaking of. For many people, it’s a journey.

Oh yes, it’s a big journey. I mean, I wrote a 412-page book about. It’s a journey. The spiritual path is not linear. Of course, there can be moments you’re cruising along feeling amazing, and then something happens and you’re like: “Whoa, wait! Something just came up for me.” But at that point along your quest or your journey, you have tools, so you don’t go spinning down in the toilet bowl. You’re like: “Oh, okay, so this is coming up for me,” and really understanding that challenging emotions are not a problem. In our society, it’s sort of like: “Oh gosh, I feel anger. I feel depressed. I feel this or that. Okay, I want to take a pill. I just want it to go away.” But what I’ve found is that those emotions are like sacred messengers; they are coming to you. Instead of trying to sweep them out the door real quick, meeting them with curiosity. Like, what are you here to teach me, what are you here to show me? 

For me in my own life – I have a big story, I won’t get into it all right now – I went through a very tragic breakup in my late 20s with the person that I thought was going to be my life partner. So in the depths of my great despair, that was when I found the spiritual path. That’s when the portal to what I call The Quest opened, and I started doing spiritual work about 15 years ago. By applying some of these new principles that I had been learning, like taking radical personal responsibility for my life, being the beginner, having gratitude, my life started to change in a very short period of time, relatively. In about two years time, I had a new, very loving, devoted partner, a new beautiful home, and a dog. I was doing great at my career. So I had all this stuff of life, but I was waking up in the middle of the night, like, clutching my heart with anxiety, and I was just feeling absolutely horrible. 

By conventional standards, what our culture often teaches us is: you have anxiety, why don’t you take medication for that? Instead, I’d had enough spiritual awareness at that time to really allow that feeling to be there and ask it: why are you here, what are you trying to tell me? In that, I got the message, and it was like: when are you going to do something that really matters to you? This was a very daunting question, because I had been doing a lot of things. I had been running all around the planet, I had been a top senior executive for a Fortune 100 company, all sorts of things. But I said: “Oh no, there’s more! I have to do more.” It was really less about more, but more about what was really aligned for me, what was really true for me. 

At that time, I was working with a spiritual teacher, and he was a clairvoyant. He said to me: “I really see you’re a writer. You have to write your story, even if you never show it to anyone. I see it’s going to heal your heart.” When he said that, I felt like someone was doing a tap dance on my heart. I was like, this is it, this is it! At that time, I had not written anything besides emails and the occasional thank you letter in 11 years. I just blurted out, well, I think I am a writer, and that was spirit talking through me. I gave myself permission to be a beginner, I had no idea what I was doing. The next thing I know, I wrote this book, The Quest, and that was the writing of an entirely new life for me in so many ways. The writing of The Quest full-on opened trapdoors within the self that I didn’t even know were locked down. 

So I look back on that as a real pivotal moment in life. Because had I just banished that very discomforting feeling of anxiety, I would have never gotten the benefit it was trying to bring to me.

Yes, thank you for being willing to share your transformational journey and saying yes to that call, and being willing to turn towards that, and the bravery to live it and what you’re able to offer people. I’m curious, I know we’re winding down, you’ve referenced working with women a lot. Do you also work with men? Or what would you say about what we’re speaking to might look a little different for the masculine? Just curious if there’s anything else you want to reference around that?

Yeah, I work with women who come to my retreats. It’s called The Mermaid Sisterhood, and as I said, it’s this five-day immersive experience to find the jewel inside. I also work with women through my online programme, the Quest for Love Academy, where I help women, give them all the tools. Basically it’s like a blueprint, plus an energetic imprint to call in soulmate love. 

But I also have a programme called Legendary Lovers that works with couples. This is a different way of relating. It’s like a secret way of lovemaking through the power of the written word. I touched on for a second that I’m trained in this writing methodology called the Gateless Method. So employing the Gateless Method, I take couples through a five-week journey, where they actually receive writing prompts. They’re in separate rooms, on their own Zoom screen, and they both are encouraged to write based on what the prompt is, and then they share with each other what they wrote. In the feedback session, we only talk about what has power, strength, and energy in the pieces. 

The reason we did this is not just to be nice people, even though it does feel like this beautiful love bath for you and your creativity, which is the essential self that is longing to be seen. But we do it because in the brain, there’s something called the reticular activating system, and it’s going to amplify whatever gets attention. In other words, what we focus on grows. 

“Starting to focus on what is working in each other’s stories allows you to work with the plasticity of the brain to start focusing on what is working in life, what is working in your relationship, and that starts to grow with time.”

Whereas if you’ve been in a partnership for a long time, it’s kind of like this nagging and your brain is on loop about the thing that your husband’s not doing, the thing that’s so annoying: leaving the dirty dishes in the sink, leaving the dirty socks on the edge of the couch, whatever it is. It actually starts to shift your reticular activating system to be searching for all of the things that are working that are positive in your relationship, which makes the love grow, which creates so much more spiciness in those long-term partnerships. 

Yes. So what you’re speaking to, and this reticular activating system, is like when we’re wanting to buy a car and we’re looking at the specific model, we end up seeing that model or that car everywhere. That’s the same thing you’re speaking about, right?

Yes. Then all of a sudden, that car is for sale on the corner of your screen. You’re like: “Oh my God, what’s happening?” I remember that happened to me with Mini Coopers. I’d never heard about Mini Coopers, and all of a sudden, I heard about a Mini Cooper, and I started seeing a thousand Mini Coopers a day. 

But yeah, this is a part of your brain that’s like a really good employee. Like, whatever you give it, it’s going to take it and run with it. So we can actually work with this just to be much happier people in general. I mean, I do this myself, and I advise this to the women that come to work with me. In the morning, sit down and write 10 things you have gratitude for, and why. By following the braid of that why, it really allows you to move into the vibrational frequency of gratitude. 

So for me personally, something that always shows up in my gratitude list in the first one or two things is my health. I went through some really big health challenges in my late 30s, and to have a healthy body, oh my gosh, I’m so grateful! I get to run and jump and play. I have two little kids under the age of four. I can go surfing every day. I can dance, I can do yoga, lead these retreats that allow me to do meaningful work in the world. To make money to buy organic food to feed my family. See how the braid works, you just follow it all the way down. 

So by the time you get to about item six or seven, you’re like, I have the most amazing life! Your reticular activating system is then set up for the day to look for more things in your life that are working, and then you’re carrying a vibrational frequency of abundance. 

“Gratitude is the foundational building block of creating more abundance; that is what draws it in. Because we do not attract abundance with a vibrational frequency of lack.”

Yes. As we’re talking about lovemaking and bringing this vibration into that sacred space, if you will, what we’re able to cultivate is that our sexual self is not this thing that we only access perhaps when we’re choosing to share it with our partner, or whenever we want to choose to access the sexuality. It sounds like, from our conversation and what we’re speaking to, that this is a vitality that we nurture. That it has many expressions, and that we get to choose to share it with our significant other in the sexual intimacy bond there, and that this is a vitality that we want to be nurturing in our life always.

Absolutely. I mean, when we think of sexuality, it is through these physical bodies that we have. But the sexual self is also the essential self, which is also the creative self. 

“It’s like, the more you get to know and have this really romantic love affair with yourself, the more you have your cup full to share that with your partner.

Well, Emily, it’s been a pleasure and an honor to speak with you today. You’ve shared a little bit about your retreats and what you’re offering there. How would you encourage people to get in touch with you?

Well, I have a beautiful free offering for your listeners, which is my Goddess Cleanse. So really, when it comes to calling in truly aligned love, three systems need to be attuned, i.e. the mind, the body, and the spirit. So by working with the moon cycles, this cleanse is going to soothe the nervous system, just like we talked about, it’s going to clear internal blocks, and it’s also going to elevate your vibrational frequency. It’s just one delicious elixir today. I am not into self-deprivation in any way. It’s super delicious, and it’s really going to heighten your intuition, your sensuality, your sense of play and passion. So if you want to call in love, or if you are already in a romantic relationship and you want to spice things up, this is definitely going to help do it. You can get that at the

Okay, I will make sure to have that link on today’s show notes. You also have your website, is that right? 

Yes, my website is You can learn more about my book, The Quest, there. It also just came out on Audiobook, which is so exciting, so that’s on Amazon. I can give you the link for the first three chapters, if you want to read those. The retreats and everything, you can find on my website. The Cleanse has its own website, it’s called

I’ll make sure to have the link to your website, as well as the Goddess Cleanse, and they can find information about your book as well as the retreats on your Emily, thank you so much for sharing your time with us here today.

Thank you so much, Jessica. It was such a pleasure.

Signing Off

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Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication

Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication.

Stop the criticism loop, learn new ways to communicate
and strengthen the connection with your partner.


Dr. Jessica Higgins ~ Relationship and Transformational Coaching