ERP 318: How To Co-Create Lasting Love After Previously Failed Relationships — An Interview With Natasha McCrea

By Posted in - Podcast May 3rd, 2022 0 Comments

Most of us hope to find that one true love that would stand the test of time but that is not the case for everyone. Some people jump from one relationship to the next without fully understanding why the previous ones failed in the first place.

If the majority of the people you’ve dated turned out to be cheaters or abusers, you may be wondering what is wrong with you? Most importantly, how do you break free from these negative relational patterns?

In this episode, we’ll dive into understanding why you keep attracting the same type of people in your life and how you can use your past experiences as teachable moments in finding the love that you truly deserve.

Natasha is the Founder of Love CEO Institute, a personal development company for women. As a recovered love addict, Natasha has seen and experienced self-doubting, negative mindset, and an imbalance in work and life that keeps women from reaching their greatest potential. Through the development of her one-woman show, “Evolution of a Love Addict,” several years of counseling, and serial entrepreneurship, Natasha turned her life around and elevated herself from love addict to Love CEO.

In this Episode

7:10 How she became the person she wished she had 15 years ago.

14:55 A painful moment in her life that turned her into a love addict.

19:55 A new perspective on love and dating.

30:35 What exactly is love addiction, and how do you show yourself love?

36:09 What she discovered in her research that she is now applying to her new relationship.

45:42 Key pieces of advice for women who are going through the same difficulties.

Your Check List of Actions to Take

  • Learn more about yourself.
  • Think about what you really want.
  • Keep in mind that you deserve to love.
  • Be kind to yourself.
  • Be open to the good in life, the good in people, and the fact that you are worthy of love.
  • Remember that the mistakes you made were lessons that you can use to create the life you truly desire.
  • Always put yourself in a position of growth through therapy and other means.

Mentioned

Evolution of a Love Addict: A Love Affair Between the Pages (book)

Free 5-Day Self-Care Workshop

Evolution of a Love Addict

Connect with Natasha McCrea

Websites: natashaMcCrea.comloveceocommunity.mn.co

Facebook: facebook.com/TheRealNatashaMcCrea

Twitter: twitter.com/natashamccrea

Instagram: instagram.com/natashamccrea/?hl=en

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship 

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins 

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation 

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins 

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins 

Website: drjessicahiggins.com  

Email: [email protected]

About Today’s Show

Natasha, thank you for joining us today.

Yes, I’m so excited to be here.

I am too! I can already just tell in are chatting just before our recording here just how much passion and zest you have in really supporting people in possibly staying hopeful and optimistic when they’ve experienced difficulty, even breakup and perhaps even divorce or failed relationships. I know we’re going to pivot towards that conversation here today. But before we go into that, I’m curious, just for people who may not know you, are you open to sharing how you started to turn towards supporting others along these lines?

Oh, my goodness. So, I’ve turned into the person that I wish I had 15 – 20 years ago. I’m an actress. I had a one-woman show. And at the end of the one-woman show, we’d go through a Q&A. I thought the Q&A was going to turn into how did I come up with the show? How long did it take me to produce it? Who was my director? But that was not the case. 

What happened is, I began to get questions about how do you forgive? How do you date after divorce? How do you start loving yourself? It turned into group therapy. I would get emails after the show. I would come home after the show, it would be late at night, and I would be responding to emails based on all of the tools that I used to lean into my healing. I would answer these emails. 

At the same time, I was introduced to the online world of coaching, community, healing, and the people who ushered you into designing the life that you want. I decided to start a business. And so, that’s where I started Love CEO Institute. 

My helping people came out of my one-woman show, which is Evolution of a Love Addict: The Sneak Peek into The Mind of a Serial Dating Divorcee. That was me. I did not have all the answers. I was seeking love in all the wrong places. I knew that if I was able to get out of the perpetual rat race and cycle of choosing the wrong person, I could help others do the same thing. That’s how Love CEO Institute came about. It was being able to just think about someone else who was on that track where I was. 

I had since removed myself from that or had grown in a way, and I was like, “You know what, I want to tell everybody about how you can heal and love yourself, and then you’ll track the person you want.” So, that’s how that happened.

What a beautiful journey to really be in the transparency of like I’m a work in progress and, on a side note, ascribe that everyone is to some degree and just to be so willing to let that be visible. And then, through your journey really coming into this place of having insight and having gone through the fire, that transformation, and being able to offer guidance and having people really just be so attracted to what you had to share and really seeking your guidance and then through just your answering that call really have developed, it sounds like, the Love CEO Institute, is that right?

Oh, that’s definitely the case. I had to be in a place of transparency so that I wasn’t going to have anything holding me back. My show showed up after my second divorce. I’m now married for the third time and happily married. But you know, the show happened after the second divorce. I had to just own that. 

That shame that’s associated with that, I was like, “You know what, I’m just going to put it all out there on blast.” And then, I was like, “I’m putting my own self on blast.” So then I didn’t have to deal with that, and I could deal with what was in front of me, the healing the connection to individuals, the changing the trajectory of my life, instead of leaning into the shame and dealing with that.

And so often, I’ll just say, with shame, it can feel so private or that we are just negotiating that internally. I think that what you’re describing, so many people probably resonated with. It’s interesting with the topic of an intimate relationship. It’s amazing how we all are experiencing some version of that different probably places in the journey, if you will, or seasons. 

And at the same time, I don’t know. I mean, we talk about it. And there’s just some description of it in media, and I do honestly, on a personal note, feel like there are certain things that are described in media, but it’s not necessarily the full picture. Most likely, we glamorize that romantic phase and those initial bonding, the first year or two, and we have sometimes distorted ideas around what long-term intimacy looks like. 

And then, what I guess I’m trying to get at is that what you are willing to show it’s so representative of a collective. I do feel like when we heal ourselves. We also symbolize healing in many and all. I just think there’s some correlation there that it just sounds like you were able to be an example in some way.

Oh, most definitely. The point that you’re making about how we learn about relationships, I would call it “false sense of love,” and that addiction that was really prevalent in my world. And so, I knew that I had to really get to the bottom of what that was so that I could lean into love from more of an authentic place and more of a collective place. 

Because we are all connected, you and I have never met, but we are connected. If we can lean into that and understand that I can even connect to the power that you have and the power of where you have gotten into your relationships, I feel like I could be that for someone else. That was something that also encouraged me to continue to seek out my healing. 

I’m continually seeking out my healing. I had a therapy session this morning. But we are all connected, and other people can learn from the bumps and bruises that we have. They don’t have to go through all the same bumps and bruises. So, by telling my story, they can learn from mine.

Free Cheerful multiracial female friends resting on sofa and floor while watching funny video on smartphone Stock Photo

“We are all connected, and other people can learn from the bumps and bruises that we have. They don’t have to go through all the same bumps and bruises. So, by telling my story, they can learn from mine.”

Exactly. And I don’t want to geek out too much on psychology. I want to really pivot towards you and what you have to share. I just want to say I’m resonating with what you’re describing and how we’re all connected. I know there are really leaders in that transformational personal growth field. Even Tony Robbins is quoted around like you are a byproduct of your five closest people, the exposure that you have to others. 

And then, I’ll just even reference the integral theory that was really promoted and developed by Ken Wilber. It’s super intellectual. But really looking at the developmental stages of not only an individual but also culturally and that we do vibe off of one another. We are learning from one another, and we are exposed to one another, and just your manifestation or your expression of who you are and your strength and your vibrancy, I feel like I’m impacted by that and can feel either inspired by that or influenced by that. 

Even when we look at the polyvagal theory and brain science, how we’re responding the neuroception, we’re always responding to the closest people around us. And so, there’s so much that I think it’s difficult to put language on around this collective, but I just so appreciate you responding to that. Okay. So, are you open to sharing when you look at the Evolution of a Love Addict, is that show still in process, or did you bring that to a close?

The last time I did the show was about a year and four months ago. So, I’m open to touring. It was 2012 when I toured the show nationally, so I went to a few of the metropolitan areas to do the show. It was just beautiful. So yes, people can still have access to that show on my website. It was very therapeutic. I mean, it was definitely drama therapy for myself.

No kidding. Are you open to sharing some of the learnings from that show and what you gleaned in the process?

Oh, my goodness. Yeah! The show is very different from a lot of shows I’ve seen. In the writing of that show, I went into my thought processes during dating experiences, so I covered a lot of my dating experiences in that. I played several different men that I had gone on dates with. 

In doing that, I was also able to expose what I was thinking during those processes. It wasn’t just the experience that was what was my thought process during that. But in choosing the type of person that I decided to date and understanding that I had to go back and ask why I was choosing that type of person. 

And so, on the journey in the show, you see me go back to what caused me to choose this type of person. It took me as far back as age 15 when my mom was telling me that my dad had twins that were younger than me, and my parents were still married. I’ll never forget that moment which shifted the type of person that I had in my life as a partner. 

So, I was dating this most amazing young man. How amazing could you be at 15, right? A young man at that time. He was great and very trustworthy and compassionate and amazing. And then I found out about my dad having twins, and I just totally shut him out. I shut him out. And then every guy that I dated after that was a womanizer. Every man I dated after that had multiple women that they were pleasing. That became a pattern in my life. 

And so, the show went through. When did I start making different types of choices? And it took us back to that moment when I found out about the twins. And then it took me to the moment when I was checking my ex’s emails and listening to their voicemail and therapy of why I am choosing this type of person. Because we can look at the people in our lives and say, “Oh, my goodness, they’re a horrible womanizing dog.” But I had to look in the mirror and say, “Well, why am I allowing that horrible womanizing dog into my life?

Why am I participating in that? 

Yes! Why do they have access? They should not have access to me. But why do they have access? The show took the audience through that process, but I was able to show the audience also what my thought processes were during that time, which I know a lot of times we aren’t sharing?

It’s priceless. I’m so grateful you’re speaking to this. This was such a focus of the show in that when we’re in relationships, so often, the interactions and all the emotions, thoughts, and beliefs are happening at such a fast pace that we’re not always even conscious of why we’re attracted, why we’re engaging the way that what we are, how we’re perceiving the other. And there’s all this inner world that is not visible, and it sounds like you really made that conscious, you made that visible, and you really were able to look at it so that you could consciously choose rather than being on habitual protective patterns or repeat. Is that right?

Yeah. Yeah, that’s very factual. It’s like it wasn’t out of just habit or muscle memory that my body was like, “Oh, I’m used to this type of person.” It really gave me an opportunity to be aware of those choices that I was making so that I could make different, healthier choices that served me and the life that I wanted.

I love that we are talking to you, as we’re kind of looking back and reflecting on this journey. I know as we’re talking, and again, I raised my hand with you, and it sounds like you also subscribe that we’re as you share it. I’m still working. I’m still in the process. 

Oh yeah. 

And I am, too, right. That we can reflect on transformation and that that’s still an ever-evolving process. 

Most definitely. 

Are you open to sharing a pivotal moment where you got? It sounds like being able to recognize at the age of 15 and this news being disclosed to you how that perhaps shook a foundation or some beliefs in you? How were you able to work with that that really allowed you to approach this love and dating differently and how you hold yourself in all of it?

Yeah. So, after my second divorce, I got a phone call from a friend. We were just talking, and she was telling me she was going through a divorce, but she had found a therapist who had group sessions who had really helped her. She was up late one night and heard her on the radio. And so, she ended up going to her sessions that the lady would have every Monday. 

And she said you’re welcome to come with me. I was all for it. I was like, “Yeah, let me go because I cannot pick the same guy just in a different body again.” I went with her. It was an hour drive from my home in the middle of Los Angeles traffic, which is horrendous. Anybody who’s from LA, shout out to the 405, the 110, and the 101. 

Not a small feat. 

No, not at all. I ended up going to the sessions. And the sessions really dove deep into what got you to this point, what made you make the choices that you made. And not to discount your experiences or what you’ve experienced in the relationships and losing yourself because that’s usually a lot of what happens when you’re in a toxic relationship. But it really sent you into a place of asking the questions asking the hard questions, journaling. 

That’s what took me back to the situation with my parents. And so, it was after my second divorce when I realized all of the choices that I’m making are based on that young girl, that little girl, that hurt young girl. I just knew that that was the time. I think at the time, I was 31. So now I’m 49, almost at 39. I’m like, “I’m 39?” Wait a minute, no, I’m 49. But at the time, I was 31. I was going through my second divorce at the age of 30, which was absolutely horrendous in my eyes. That allowed me to just be in full acceptance, not judging the process, just accepting that. 

This is why I made certain choices. And if I understood why I made certain choices, then I was like, “Well, I don’t really need to make that choice again.” Because I’m not going to marry guys who are like my dad, I’m not going to allow people in my life who do not make me a priority. I’m not going to allow people in my life who aren’t trustworthy. But it all came from going to the therapy session living in Newport Beach. I was able to learn more about myself and why I made choices and my relationship with men in my life, and my relationship with my father.

I just want to acknowledge your courage and your bravery. I can just feel inside myself for myself this has been painful and terrifying sometimes to look at. And at the same time, the way I’m hearing you speak to it is like this acceptance and almost even surrender that this second divorce was really illuminating. And yes, it was devastating and all of its loss and grief, and also the opening and almost the wakeup call for you to kind of lookout okay, how am I participating in this? And so, the bravery to turn towards that, the courage to turn towards that. And then the openness to explore, and the insights and the healing because as you talk about that moment, that very emotional, pivotal moment in your family and learning of this news, it sounds like it was really shattering on a lot of levels and also perhaps didn’t have the emotional attunement to support you in the repair of that at the time.

It did not. My mom was like, “Keep this secret.” Now, I say this in my one-woman show. So, it’s not bashing at all. They’ve seen it. My parents were an audience. People came and thanked them after. But yeah, it really, I did not have the support. It was, “Here’s a secret. Don’t tell anyone.”

And likely, I mean, look, I want to honor all parents that we are doing the best that we can and that there’s no ill intent. 

Always!

And when we can look at as children, you know, sometimes just the capacity of what we needed and maybe what wasn’t available at the time and just all the challenges at play. So, were you able to go back in the therapeutic process and perhaps look at what she needed and really support her or some of that repair work?

Definitely, it was really important to be able to understand that people do the best they can with the tools they have. I mean, we know we’ve heard that, but it’s very true. And to honor that young woman who found this information out, like to honor her and what her feelings were, to honor even the relation with my dad. Me and my dad have a great relationship. We talk very candidly. I was the one who ushered the family into the truth and explosion. I mean, exposure, so we’re not living in a shame. 

It’s definitely something that I think is our responsibility to ourselves. The young girl in you really relies on you to usher her into adulthood. We all have that moment where we have to say, “I see you, and I’m going to bring you along and love you and honor you and bring you up to speed.” Because I can no longer be this way. If I’m going to continue to be that 15-year-old girl, I’m going to continue to make the wrong decisions. I don’t usually use right and wrong in context, but no, it’s the wrong decision because it’s not for you.

Well, look, I mean, the psychology in one way of also framing this would be that was an adaptive strategy at the time. But now that you’re of different age and your environment is different, it’s no longer necessary to run that pattern. And so, as you can go back and really help her get the support she didn’t get and really look at how to support her to bring her up to speed, then that opens up a whole new world. 

“Honor yourself because you are taking care of yourself. When you know better, you definitely do better.”

It really does. And I’m glad you said that because it is all self-care. I mean, at the end of the day, I made a choice to do what I did for self-care. To take care of myself. I mean, whether it was something, we want to judge it and say whether you know you should live in that space for 30-40 years. But at the end of the day, honor yourself because you are taking care of yourself. But when you know better, you definitely do better.

Well, said. And just to make this really specific, are you open to sharing what were some of the support or what were some of the things that you needed to bring up to speed in that care, like healing from that moment in childhood?

Knowing that I deserved love was a big one. I think something broke. I’m going to say broke. I’m going to say that, and I mean it. Something broke when I found that out. I internalized it as a kid. I internalized it as, “Oh, it’s something wrong with me.” And so then, I walked around life feeling like there was a level of un-deservingness or people really were lying to me, even if someone was really interested or said these amazing things to me. I just knew they were lying. And then, that’s who I began to attract. 

Knowing that I deserve love and knowing that I deserve to give myself a chance on what I want out of life was huge. And then, just knowing that therapy is truly your friend. Therapy is your friend, honey. There’s no other way to say it. It’s helpful. It walks you through things that are happening in your life. It gives you a different perspective. It gives you power. It empowers you. We can’t ignore it. We can’t deny it. I feel like at 15, even at that age, therapy would have definitely been beneficial. Understanding love, understanding self-love, understanding my deserve factor and also leaning into continually being in a position of growth. I just do that through therapy and other outlets.

Free Crop psychologist supporting patient during counseling indoors Stock Photo

“Therapy is your friend. There’s no other way to say it. It’s helpful. It walks you through things that are happening in your life. It gives you a different perspective. It gives you power. It empowers you. We can’t ignore it. We can’t deny it.”

I can just echo. I really want to broaden even the word of therapy, and that anything that we’re doing that is self-reflective, contemplative, and healing can be really therapeutic. You’ve spoken about journaling and group processes and the ways in which we inquire about this inner world. Our world is so fast, and we can be distracted and so engaged in all these externals, and if we’re not looking at the internal, we can just be again in this habitual loop. 

And so, it sounds like you really were willing to do that inner work and that inner dive. Coming back to this specificity, I mean, even as you talk and I imagine a 15-year-old, and she’s going on in her life, and it’s just this news, right, it feels like it shatters or what I thought was stable is no longer stable or wasn’t real. And just, again, maybe not having the support to really process that or even the secret around it. 

And that, of course, again, you did the best you could to navigate that. And then, as you come into self-love, are you open to sharing what helped to really get that ground and really work with that, so you’re able to metabolize it in that inner kind of visceral like it is a part of you and integrate it?

Well, coming from being a love addict, like when I went to therapy, that was my first understanding of love addiction. Whenever people say love addiction, you automatically think of sex addiction, but it was a little different than that. It was literally a love addiction. 

And oftentimes, we think we learn about love through the media. That was the context that I was seeing love through. That was the lens. It was like you were dating, breaking up, mad at each other, getting married, and having a baby in an hour and a half. 

Yeah, so that was the context in which I had started living my life. And so, what I did is I said the path of least resistance for me was love. If I’m having this love addiction, let me truly get addicted to love and understand what love is truly? How can I put a left-brain analysis on love because it’s usually this thing that’s in the ether? We’re not really putting our hand on it, but it’s just something we should know about, but no one really teaches you about it. 

And so, I dove as deep as I could, reading white papers and research and books, you name it. I began to analyze what is love truly, or what is that definition? How can I put a face on it? How can I gauge whether someone really loves myself? And then that drew me back into, how do you love yourself? Because we are all love in my research and study and experience and lumps on my head and bumps and bruises, I had to learn that I truly am loved, and I generate love. 

When I figured that out, that brought me back to myself. And then everything changed after that. And so, for me, I know self-love, self-care is kind of thrown around. But I developed the love intelligence method, which is similar to the emotional intelligence method, but it’s understanding because we’re all born with love intelligence. It’s just society that really pulls us away from that and our life experiences. 

And so, I began to dive into that and said, “How can I love from this perspective?” Where’s a heightened sense of self-awareness and compassion and self-compassion and empathy so that I can then be able to express it. How do you express love by truly expressing it and then being open to receiving it? Because if you haven’t even grasped the concept of self-love, if someone truly comes around, that’s giving you love, you may not even recognize it. And diving into what love really was what helped me through that process. So I went the path of least resistance, really?

Well, it sounds like an incredible study, and then to be able to synthesize and also I imagine you put it into practice and applied your learnings and you developed the love intelligence system, and you’re giving us some of those key points. Is that right? Those are some of the components that you just listed—awareness and empathy.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. 

Now, I don’t know if this is possible, but I feel like you might be able to do this and speak to this that as you were delving into this exploration and learning and growth and self-love, did you develop the love intelligence system before you met your now husband?

Yes. Yes. It’s so interesting because the one-woman show was definitely the last step into a new chapter. I won’t say it’s the last step ever because you’re always growing and learning. I know I am always growing and learning. But it was that last step into a new chapter. That new chapter was me doing things differently. The type of people that I was introduced to, the type of people that I talked to, me going to therapy and figuring out, well, what love is and putting the definitions to it. 

That was something that I had begun. And then, I met my husband as I was finishing my one-woman show, and at the same time, I was birthing Love CEO Institute. And so, during the first few years of Love CEO Institute, I began to say there is really a methodology here that will serve us all. It’s not just about love and relationships. It’s really about how we are expressing love from a global perspective, starting with your own backyard.

And would you be willing if you’re able to share an example where you were practicing these love intelligence components or the aspects of it in your developing relationship with your now-husband? Are you open to sharing how you were able to apply those principles, like what it looked like?

Yeah. I mean, it is this important to have a heightened sense of self-awareness because if you don’t have that when you get into a relationship, even the best of us, honey, we turn into this person and we kind of lose a little bit of ourselves when we are connecting with other people. It’s taking up a lot of our time in life. We’re spending a lot of time with someone else. We’ve become a unit. And we have to understand who we are. 

So, number one, the self-awareness aspect of love intelligence is huge. But with that self-awareness aspect, you have to be able to ask the question. You have to be able to lean into who you really are. You have to understand what the heck do I want, even in a marriage. What do I want? Even for singles. What do I want? That’s one of the hardest questions for people to answer. 

So, with tapping into what you want, what makes you tick, what are some of your shortcomings that you would like to improve upon, understanding that. So, that’s something that I had to do even in the dating process. Like before I started dating Mr. McCrea, that’s what he’s affectionately known as online on my social media. Everybody is like, “How’s Mr. McCrea?” I had to ask myself the questions of, you know, who am I? What do I want? And it’s fluid. So, it’s always asking the question because just because I answered who I am today doesn’t mean that’s who I’m going to be next year. 

And so, I took it upon myself to always be connected to myself, always having those moments of reflection, making sure I have a therapist doing the things that really turned me on because sometimes, if you’re someone like me, and a lot of things excite you, you might have a tendency to kind of lean towards what other people want. And that’s okay because it’s satisfying you, right? But then there are some areas that that other person might not want. The best example I could give is sushi. I eat everything. I love all food. But I’m always kind of leaning towards, “Oh, yeah. What do you want? Oh, you want that? That’s great.” So I go with what my husband wants a lot because I really like a lot of these things. But then one day, I looked up, and I was like, “Girl, you haven’t had sushi in like, six months to a year.” And that’s something you really love. So, in dating Mr. McCrea, and even now, I’m constantly having that relationship with myself. I spend time with myself. I have to ask myself those questions. And then once I find out what it is I want, that leads us to self-compassion, because sometimes you might want something or sometimes you might be going through something, but we have a tendency to kind of judge ourselves. And if we’re not showing kindness to ourselves or giving ourselves comfort, we can miss it all. And we expect other people to do it. 

“Sometimes you might want something, or sometimes you might be going through something, but we have a tendency to kind of judge ourselves. If we’re not showing kindness to ourselves or giving ourselves comfort, we can miss it all. And we expect other people to do it.”

Exactly. 

But when you show yourself self-compassion, that takes me into self-care, which is huge. And I mean authentic self-care. I’m not just meaning the social media, you know, throw it around kind self-care. I mean, really authentic self-care, like creating what your blueprint is. What’s your self-care blueprint? Because you are showing yourself love. You’re expressing that through that self-compassion. 

And when you do that, that is when you can begin to have empathy for yourself. Because if you are not creating space for that self-compassion, if you’re not creating space for silence, or self-care, very rarely will you have an understanding of what your true feelings really are. So having that empathy, which is our third level of love intelligence, self-awareness, and self-compassion, is going to lead you to have that empathy. 

And then finally, once you have that empathy, then you can truly express it. You can express all the things that you need. You can express authentic love for yourself. You are doing that in this process. And then you can get into the place of receiving. Because I truly believe that love is not only for you to give, but it is for you to receive. You have to be open to the good in life, open to the good in people, and open to the fact that you do deserve love.

“I truly believe that love is not only for you to give, but it is for you to receive. You have to be open to the good in life, open to the good in people, open to the fact that you do deserve love.”

Yes. And I just want to say, as I’m listening to you, I am so touched that you are in the media world. And that you are shining the light on these principles and offering the example of this. I just resonate so strongly with what you’re describing in the love intelligent blueprint. 

My own experience mimics a lot of what you’ve really articulated here, and I can recognize how compelling it is. I mean, look, a lot of the stories and movies and narratives are about finding the one. There’s so much emphasis on finding the one. Or not even the one but like a partner, a good fit, that that is so compelling. I don’t want to take anything away from the journey of that. I’ll just speak for myself. If I’m so wrapped up in that, that perhaps it’s distracting me from this deeper work. 

I mean, it was through a breakup that I went into my deeper dive around some of what I needed to look at it as it relates to relationships. And once I started to get a hold on some of those aspects and principles, and when I started to put them into practice, I was dating my now-husband, and I was really clear on the self-awareness around I wanted someone I could grow with that high value of growth. And that was something that really anchored me into this is the type of partnership that I’m looking for. 

And then also just that self-awareness, self-compassion. I knew that from a very early age, I had experienced some abandonment losses. And what I wasn’t conscious of prior was that feeling of fear of abandonment, and really recognizing that showing up in the dating and really like, is he into me as much as I’m into him, or is this going to continue, I really am into him, but I don’t know what’s happening, and just how to show up for myself and what all of that was getting brought up and just the empathy and how to have my own back and stand on my own two feet and be in that place of like, this is real. I’m not proud of it. I don’t love it, but this is part of my experience. 

And then to be able to share that and reveal that with such transparency. And that is where I found the real beauty of relationships. It wasn’t about putting my best foot forward. It was about genuinely showing these inside parts that I don’t think are pretty and having him step to me, having him respond to me.

Yes, Dr. Higgins.

And when we got to cultivate in that, that’s a relationship. That’s where we get to really feel the intimacy, and it’s not easy work.

No, it’s not. It isn’t. But it’s so rewarding. It’s so rewarding. It feels so good. And it translates into other areas of our lives. It’s so beautiful. I love hearing that. You broke that down. Let’s just say we got to stop and pause for a moment. Dr. Higgins just broke it down.

Well, I’m feeling you, and I’m responding. I’m just feeling the resonance and transformation, really like this is where it’s at. I do my best, like yes, fast forward. That was in 2006. And here we are in 2022, and there are still echoes of having to do this work or feeling, but I believe in the process. I’m so motivated because what I got to feel is not only increasing the likelihood that we’re going to connect on an intimate, authentic genuine level, and also that I have my own back that I didn’t abandon myself how powerful that is, and all the gifts and how that like you’re saying, it translates to other aspects of my life that I am living in congruence and not living in unconscious protective strategies that continue to kind of give me something that is unfulfilling and problematic. 

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, well, I just want to endorse, and I just wanted to echo just what the principles I was resonating. So, I appreciate that.

Thank you so much.

Okay. Well, I know our time is limited. There’s so much you have to share. Thank you for giving us the love intelligence blueprint overview. And is there anything you want to speak to? You’ve mentioned shame and having had failed marriage and how to negotiate that? Is there anything you want to speak to today in our conversation that we haven’t touched on?

I’m being compelled to let any listener right now who is feeling like they have made all the wrong decisions up to this point to know that they were lessons that you can turn into the life that you truly want. It wasn’t in vain. You’re not damaged goods. You can have what you want out of life. I’m definitely a testament to that. But there’s somebody listening that I feel needs to hear that.

Free A Happy Couple Smiling at Each Other  Stock Photo

“If you feel like you have made all the wrong decisions up to this point, know that there are lessons that you can turn into the life that you truly want. It wasn’t in vain. You’re not damaged goods. You can have what you want out of life.”

Thank you for speaking to that. I had a psychologist on the show several weeks ago, and he was speaking to when people have had a failure, abandonment, or loss in a relationship and have experienced it multiple times, it gets to be this almost atrophy or demotivation and kind of complacency of like, it’s not going to happen. And so, they don’t pursue love for that reason. I really want to suggest there is hope. I really want to shine a light around there is a possibility here.

Yeah. Unlimited possibility.

Well, I know you have so much that you offer. What would you like to encourage, maybe someone who is filling in this space of feeling discouraged and lacking hope and really has experienced a lot of hardship in a relationship? What would you invite people to turn towards as a resource?

Well, I know that I have created a community for individuals who can get into a space of understanding that they’re not alone. They can find me through all social media as well as my website, which is NatashaMcCrea.com, because there are a lot of tools that I offer. 

That’s one of the things I loved about your website, Dr. Higgins, is the book resources on your website, just because that’s there are so many amazing resources that we can offer. It’s going to be different for everyone. But definitely don’t isolate yourself and come join our community.

What might they find on your website that you are offering? It sounds like you have a community in the way of social media and the dialogue that’s happening there. You have the show that you mentioned. Is there anything else that you want to speak to that people might be interested in looking out there?

Yeah. I have a FREE self-care workshop that I offer because it’s like that first pillar of love intelligence is diving into really loving on yourself. So, I have a FREE self-care workshop that I offer, as well as an app. We’re launching our app on May 1st so that people can lean into having affirmations and being sent reminders to just love on yourself daily. 

There are courses on there, and there’s private coaching. So, it really depends on where you are and what you need, but there are a lot of resources. I have a lot of free takeaways and freebies that you can get into. I have Dating After Divorce, a dating detox paper that you can download for FREE. So, I have a lot of goodies over there. 

It sounds like it. Well, I want to make sure that we have those links to that free workshop as well as the, did you call it an ebook or article?

Yeah. I call it a paper. It’s a paper. It’s very much a workbook. It’s very much a workbook. It’s kind of like a lesson that walks you through the process of more of a self-love perspective and detoxing after a breakup. So, I’ll make sure you have that.

Yes, I would like to have those really easily accessible for today’s show notes as well as just encouraging that there’s a plethora. It sounds like you do coaching, you offer courses, and you have this app that’s coming up. Is there anything you want to say about the app?

Oh, the app. I love the app because we’re really excited to just kind of step away a little bit from social media and be able to lean into the daily, weekly types of connections because I know that our lives, this is really a focus for individuals, ambitious women, that’s my market. It gives them an opportunity to lean into what can serve them and how they can build self-care blueprints and authentic self-care and self-love, as well as leaning into their own authentic goals. 

That’s what this app is about. It’s about building community. It’s about staying in touch with yourself. It’s about designing the life that you want, discovering maybe what that is, and your second chapter of life. Because a lot of the people that I’m talking to are in a new chapter. They’ve been doing something their entire life, and they’re like, I really don’t want to be doing this. So, we kind of explore that so that you can lean into how do I design the life that I truly want?

Well, it sounds like such a beautiful place to have such intentionality to be held by support. You know, earlier in our conversation, we were talking about the collective and how we are held and inspired and impacted by others with this, what growth we might be witnessing in others. 

And then also, just the neural network of being able to have affirmations to be able to have the support that really on a multidimensional level really helps them access what they’re wanting to become and really install into their life. 

So, thank you for sharing a little bit more about that. I’ll make sure to, again, just have this resource and links on today’s show notes. Well, Natasha, thank you again for sharing your valuable time with us here today. 

Thank you. That’s such a great time.

Signing Off

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Dr. Jessica Higgins ~ Relationship and Transformational Coaching