ERP 326: What Is Sexual Enlightenment & How It Can Support Your Love & Relationship — An Interview With Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver

By Posted in - Podcast June 28th, 2022 0 Comments

Frequencies such as WiFi and radio are all around us. Although our brains are not equipped to see or hear these, we know that they exist. In the same way, frequency, also known as lifeforce energy, runs through our bodies at all times.

In this episode, Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver discuss how to work consciously with the lifeforce of sexual energy as a transformational vehicle to make deeper and more meaningful connections not only in romantic relationships but also in other aspects of life.

Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver have assisted thousands of couples and singles create lasting intimacy and fulfillment in their life and relationships. They are featured on Showtime’s documentary series Sexual Healing and the Emmy Award-winning NBC show Starting Over, best-selling authors of Sexual Enlightenment endorsed by world-renowned Spiritual Pioneer Dr. Michael Beckwith and the co-founders of TantraNova Institute in Chicago.

Elsbeth and Freddy Zental are beloveds, husband & wife as well as business partners residing in Chicago.

In this Episode

7:18 How Elsbeth and Freddy came to share their intimacy and love message.

12:38 Elsbeth’s quest for fulfillment led her to the Tantric intimacy journey.

20:39 How sexual enlightenment benefit individuals and couples, and how it manifests in various areas of one’s life.

25:21 Understanding how energy flows in our bodies.

50:08 Workshops and products to assist individuals and couples on their journey.

51:31 Final words of wisdom.

Your Check List of Actions to Take

  • Identify and let go of the things and beliefs that keep you from exploring the possibilities.
  • Cultivate your sexual energy through education and practice.
  • Don’t hold yourself back. Keep enjoying life and keep moving towards what you desire the most.
  • Keep harnessing your sexual energy.

Mentioned

Sexual Enlightenment: How to Create Lasting Fulfillment in Life, Love, and Intimacy (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Sustaining Masculine Pleasure

Awaken to Your Feminine Essence

Secrets to Lasting Intimacy

Relationship Map To Happy, Lasting Love

Connect with Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver

Websites: tantranova.com

Facebook: facebook.com/TantraNova

Twitter: twitter.com/TantraNova

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCKincrF-VHfsabcIvsbQEhQ

Instagram: instagram.com/tantranova_institute

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/elsbethmeuth

Pinterest: pinterest.com/elsbethfreddy/tantranova

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship 

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins 

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation 

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins 

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins 

Website: drjessicahiggins.com  

Email: [email protected]

About Today’s Show

Elsbeth and Freddy, I am so delighted to have you both on the show here today.

Thank you, Dr. Higgins.

Great to be here. Thank you for having us.

Yes, and this is such an important topic when we look at sexual enlightenment. I would love to hear from you both how you’re framing that term. And also, you both have such a really important place of reference around where you come from in your life, and what got you into this work, and even your partnership. 

I’m sure we could spend the entire show just focusing on your story. I know that we want to give some clarity to the work that you’re doing with TantraNova. So, let’s just orient a little bit. Please feel free to start with either one of whether or not it’s sexual enlightenment and how you’re viewing that. And also, your story around what got you interested in supporting people in this work and where you’re coming from?

Great. Okay, well, I’ll start, I’m getting the nod. Freddy Zental here. I was first introduced to the practices that we teach when I was 13 years old. I was living in Hawaii, going through my puberty, spending a lot of time in the shower. My father was a practicing psychiatrist and really enrolled in his own transformational work. 

Anyway, he gave me a book to read on integrating sex and meditation practices. At the time, I was wanting to go on to college on athletic scholarship. And so, I had some ambivalence about it. Like, did I have the skills? Did I have the confidence? 

The meditation practices really allowed me to get past a lot of that story making that I was doing to get back to the energetic aspect of what I wanted to create in this world in this life. So, I went on to college and athletic scholarship. After college, I kept doing these practices and applying them in my personal relationships and doing workshops. 

I was in the software business for a long time in San Francisco. Initially, that work was really exciting. After about 10-12 years, it was just a job. So, there was an opportunity in Chicago, so I thought that would reinvigorate, re-enliven my inspiration in life so I took it. They moved me here. That was 21 years ago. I was single, online, looking for Shakti, a female Tantra partner, and Elsbeth showed up. 

And really, I came here to meet Elsbeth because six months to the day we met we pooled our resources and created this work, which is teaching people how to work consciously with their lifeforce of sexual energy as a transformational vehicle to get more deeply connected to what they really want to create, to really drop into the quantum of what’s possible. We’ll get into that.

Yeah. And Freddy, before we turn to Elsbeth, I just want to kind of check in with you around what you just spoke about and see if I’m hearing you correctly. It almost sounds as if you were in the personal practice of these principles and meditations and inner workings. And the way you were interacting with the world wasn’t necessarily leading with the Tantra. You weren’t teaching but you were living your life from that place and that energy. Did I hear that right?

Exactly. That was my go-to practice to shift out of what I thought was possible.

Gotcha. It helped you transfer. Yes. 

Yeah, to put together what I was dreaming to create, and then in the physicality of creating it, yes. 

Wow. So, it allowed you to open and expand beyond what maybe limiting beliefs you had and helped you broaden the terrain and give space for your vision and what you wanted to create.

Yeah. We’ll get into that but I want Elsbeth to get into what she got. Let’s keep unpacking this because this is the core of what we want to share with you and your audience.

Yes. And why I wanted to just reflect that back because so often, the way that we connect with principles and practices, sometimes it’s compartmentalized. Sometimes it’s really on the out, like externally. I don’t know if I’m articulating this well, but it sounds like it came from the inside. And then, you made it more public and you stepped in the integration of your professional and your personal. It doesn’t sound like you had a lot of shame and like a lot of hang-ups around the sexual piece to really overcome and battle.

No. Actually, I was raised by my father in this tantric practice since I was a kid. Nudity around the house was pretty normal. Sexuality was always talked about. I mean, I guess you read our book and you heard a little bit about my life. So, this was really the authentic expression of who I am in creating this work. And when I was in corporate America, I always felt a little bit like a fraud because it felt like we were just being mean to each other in corporate meetings. It was just like, wow. I know humanity can show a better side than this.

I think why I’m kind of touching in on this is (A) I think it’s really unique to have an upbringing that is so supportive of sexuality, and that lifeforce energy and also that it doesn’t need to look overtly sexual on the outside, right? Or that it needs to be like, you know, I think people have certain images and associations and judgments about what it means to be practicing Tantra. Like, “Oh, I’m going to be walking around in some type of garb or like necklaces. It doesn’t need to look like that. So, as what I love to kind of bring you in the fold here around kind of where you’re coming from in your journey and what you’d like to say.

Absolutely. 

Yes, thank you so much for harkening back to Freddy’s stories. What you just brought further to the foreground, which I would call coming into coherence, the inner and the outer expression. Sometimes that takes a few decades to get clear, to get tuned with oneself. 

In a very similar way, as for Freddy, like finding himself in our work was always there but it was not coherent with the work he used to do. And then also, there is no wasted time. Everything we did before TantraNova, actually, we stand on those shoulders so we were ready to create TantraNova. 

I didn’t have a dad when I was a teenager who gave me a book on sex consciousness. I don’t know about you, but that was not common practice in our household. As you can probably tell from my accent, I grew up in Germany. And then I came in my late 20s to do postgraduate work in music to the United States. A few years later, got my doctorate in education, and then I moved into management consultancy. 

That is what I really became good at. That was in the 90s. I travelled the world and was exciting but there was something missing for me. I couldn’t pinpoint it but there was something. And I was miserable in relationship. I had this pattern of attracting unavailable men. While it was exciting, most of the time I was alone. 

I remember that time very vividly when I became quite despaired because I could see the trajectory that if I was not going to change the pattern, I would end up without lasting intimacy and love in my life before I was going to leave this planet. I just was not willing to do that. I said, “Okay, Elsbeth, you need to do something.” Whatever it will take to uncover what I was not able to see that brought me this unavailability.

I delve deeply into meditation, and then into the practice of Tantra. I had known about tantra, but I never dedicated myself to take it on as a discipline, as a study to go deep. And so, when doing that, what I discovered in the tantric healing was that I had held distrust towards men. 

Now, that was not obvious. Dr. Jessica, I was very inviting. I was charming. I reel the guys in. You wouldn’t have called me a distrusting bitch. No, not at all. Not at all. But underneath, where it was not visible to me was some story, some experience, some feeling that I couldn’t trust. And that actually was running the show, not my conscious mind. 

Then in the healing, where we go deep into the physical, intimate sexual body into the love and emotional body, and into the mental and spiritual body. So really, in that trinity of sex, love, and spirit, there, it was where I discovered like the 18-year-old, you know, that was deeply in love with her first boyfriend. And then, he asked me to have intercourse. 

I said yes, although I was not ready. It was freakingly painful. I had to go to the gynecologist. The bill went to my house. My dad opened it. All hell broke loose. He called me a whore. My boyfriend left a few weeks after. So, there I was totally alone, no soul to turn to. That was the moment when I made the decision that men are not there for me when I really need them. That was also the time when I started closing off. 

Again, all of that is not conscious. In my mind, I became promiscuous. And then it was like, finding love through sex, which was easy. I mean, the sex was easy to get but I was in the illusion that that was like, oh, you know, the wonderful thing. So, anyway, what I discovered in all of that was that I had not been available. I was vibrating on availability, of course, then attracting unavailability. 

Why I’m sharing all of this has to do with that the tantric healing in my life had such a tremendous impact that I decided to leave management consulting, and then really opened myself to finding the beloved. I am sure I would not have recognized Freddy when I met him if I had not shifted that pattern of unavailability. 

Because I mean, I would have seen him in his body but he was available. It would not have fit with that previous pattern. So, I’m very happy that I did all this clearing work. I want to encourage men and women, if you are solo, Tantra is for you as much as the tantric practice is for couples to deepen their relationship. 

Absolutely.

There’s so much here that I want to just touch on. I appreciate that you’re both a living example of how this work has transformed and your paths are different in the sense that you were already, Freddy, practicing these principles, meditation, and practices. 

It sounds like your journey, Elsbeth, was very much recognizing the blocks you were bumping up against, and really the awareness and the introspection and the work that you were willing to confront that allowed you to access those deeper layers that perhaps you weren’t fully conscious of, and really be able to do some healing and shifting that made you more available to have that fully authentic and coherent and congruent beloved relationship. 

I can just raise my hand here too and say, from a different angle, I had a similar experience with my now husband when I was entering. Or even just meeting him, I had to do some deep unconscious uncovering around fear of abandonment. I’m similar. I had no issue with attracting or partnering but it was on this deeper love of cultivating a lasting intimacy that I was, in some ways protecting myself by choosing men that were unavailable. Like, they couldn’t go there so I didn’t have to ever confront my fear. 

There was a lot of waking up around that in my earlier years. The other thing I just want to say, you know, love just that you’re both such living examples of how this has been for you both personally, what it’s been for you together as a couple, and then how you’ve been in the world. It was just before we turn to that, because I would love to talk about the sexual enlightenment. 

Also, you mentioned the word coherence. It was interesting, Freddy, when you were talking. I was feeling that it was very coherent, that you were in alignment, and that perhaps someone could be an attorney, or could be an executive and be fully coherent practicing these principles and just may be operating from a different framework and different paradigm. And also, somebody could be practicing the tantric practices and principles, but also maybe not fully integrated on the inside, right. So, it’s not fully. I think there’s many ways to look at congruence.

Infinitesimal. Infinitesimal. Absolutely.

Yeah. Freddy, you were maybe going to say something. 

I wanted to get into the core of what it is that’s contributing to the consciousness of people creating what they want in their life because there’s a lot of ways to get to it. There’s talk therapy. There’s meditation retreats. There’s all kinds of things we can do but very few practices teach how to work with our sexual energy to be deeply connected, because that is a connection for all of us. That’s how we came into the world. 

Free Man and Woman Lying on Bed Stock Photo

“There’s an intelligence encapsulated within sexual energy and it creates life. It’s pleasurable when we’re in it. When we bring consciousness to that energy, creativity, and pleasure starts showing up in areas of life that seem completely unrelated to sex in the simple process of life.”

There’s an intelligence encapsulated within that energy and that it creates life. It’s pleasurable when we’re in it. And when we bring consciousness to that energy, creativity and pleasure starts showing up in areas of life that seem completely unrelated to sex in the simple process of life. Conversations seem more in depth. You’re more emotionally available to yourself. You’re more connected to what you would like to see and create and believe. Your conversations internally shift. 

All of that starts to change. That’s all due to, I’m sure, after 21 years of teaching this and 60 years of being in this practice or in the awareness of it. So, it’s an interesting time in history when science and spirituality are saying the same thing. 

The idea of quantum and the quantum idea of a proton that doesn’t appear until we see it as it relates to us. That’s our lineage, right? People listen to say, “Michael, oh, that’s kind of woo-woo.” What’s really woo-woo? Single celled amoebas, multi-celled organisms, and a universe that goes on for ad infinitum. That’s our lineage. 

So, we’re just uncovering a little bit of what we know that we don’t know that we know that’s there. This idea of creating something that I say I want to create my life. I can’t seem to get through that relationship. I can’t seem to get to that work or that place, or whatever it is. 

There’s nobody out there but us. So, uncovering what’s running in the background. How do we do that? You know, “Thank you Dr. ABC because I followed my wife and I followed my mom and blah, blah, blah, blah.” Okay, good, but energetically and neurosynaptic and in a very deep emotional level, how does that live for us? 

So, when we work constantly with sexual energy, in our three-day workshops, they’re very actionable insights that people get from the processes that we lead them through. One of the practices is a sexual meditation practice that they do either solo or with a partner. It works with sexual energy in a different way. Because typically, you’re either by yourself or you’re with a partner, and it’s giving and taking. In this, if you’re with yourself, it’s an awareness of your breath, energy and with intention. 

Same thing if you’re working with someone, though, there are roles assigned giver and receiver. That gives the receiver an opportunity to be in what happens in the intimate vulnerability and the changed awareness that that happens in the sexual energy. We’re more loving, open, vulnerable. Chemically we’re changed. More endorphins, serotonin, oxytocin, the feel-good hormones, right. So, we are in an altered state of consciousness. In that altered state, we can get more connected to what we don’t see that’s running in the background around what we want to create. That’s what I wanted to say. Thank you.

Yes, please. I mean, literally, just what you’re speaking to and the multi dimensions of the power of it. I mean, words don’t do it justice. I can really feel how powerful this is. If I’m hearing you correctly, this probably speaks to the sexual enlightenment, that if we are connected, and we are in the practice and we have access to this sexual energy, the creativity, the biology, the thinking, the feeling, the felt sense, the somatic, the relating, the energy that we’re able to maybe experience with others is profound shifts, and then that gives us access to this development and the excelling of transformation and enlightenment. Is that right?

Yes, we could teach these practices to nuns and priests if they were vowed to celibacy. It’s exactly what you said. It’s about being what this energy is in our life as a way of listening, being, and experiencing.

Yeah, let me say a little bit more about energy. 

Yes, please. 

Because we talked about so much of energy here. Energy is so elusive because we cannot see it, we cannot hear it. I mean, we can see it when it shows up at daylight, sunlight, or [dawn 25:37] but we cannot hear the sound of the sun frequency. We are just not equipped in our brain to hear it. Or we can hear the sound from my vocal cords hitting our eardrums, but we cannot see those frequencies. 

There are frequencies all around in the very space each of us is in right now. Wi-Fi frequencies, radio frequencies. We don’t question them. We know they are there. Otherwise, we couldn’t talk here on this show together. You are in a very different place geographically than we are, and the listeners as well. 

Frequency in the same way is running through us at all times. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be alive. This frequency is expressed in what we call lifeforce energy. Lifeforce energy emanates from the base of the spine, and then moves up in a serpentine way along the spine, like a DNA to the top of the head and back down again. It does this all on its own. 

Now, we as humans we can become aware of that flow of energy. Energy is expressed in humans on the physical level in sensations like I feel hot, I feel cold, I feel aroused. These are all sensations that come through heightened frequency. It shows up in emotions, love, hate, joy, anger. Pure frequency. We cannot touch an emotion. We cannot see an emotion. But my, we can feel it. 

And then the third way of energy showing up is in our thoughts. The narrative eye holds, the interpretations. Thought is pure frequency. Again, we cannot touch it, we cannot see it. So, how would it be to learn how to tune with these different frequencies, these different forms? Because if I don’t learn to become conscious and aware of my emotions, or my thoughts, or my sexual self, the sexual or the thought or the emotional has me.

Free Sensual couple hugging and kissing in stone fruit bath Stock Photo

“If I don’t learn to become conscious and aware of my emotions, thoughts, or sexual self, the sexual or the thought or the emotional has me.”

Yeah, so I was just about to say that. It runs us versus us being able to work with. Yes.

Exactly. And so, we may have more awareness as a society about that in the realm of, thoughts running us, and what about witnessing the thought. So, also, the meditation or yoga practice that has come from the east. So, over the last 30 years, we have opened up more to that possibility that we can be in the observer of both what we are thinking and then also of our emotions. So, therapy, which really has a great deal contributed to actually listening more to our emotions, you know, being open to expressing our emotions without being considered being crazy. So, a great deal has happened over the last 30 to 50 years in that higher realm of thought and mental self, that emotional hard self.

The clay. 

However, where have we learned to bring awareness and consciousness to our sexual self? It’s like a forgotten dimension. However, that is an incredibly powerful dimension. Just look at how it looks in the world with porn, with obsessions, with repressions. All of that. 

It has been running us. 

So, how would it be to learn to tap into this energy? 

Wow. 

And then learn to guide it through the breath because energy can only flow with the breath. If we don’t breathe, we die. It’s rather obvious, but we bring awareness to the breath that then affects the flow of energy. How would it be if I could breathe up my beautiful arousal from my sexual center that is called Yoni in the tantric tradition, which means my sacred space as a woman. Breathing it up from a sacred space into my heart, perhaps beyond into my third eye, and then circle it back down again so I’m in that flow of that wonderful life-giving energy. 

As you’re talking, it’s almost like what is more important, and yet what in our life is helping support this practice? And also, it seems as though you’re saying something very similar to what Freddy was saying in the quantum and being able to observe in that awareness that changes.

Yeah, that’s the key. I see it more and more. A couple of things. One, we are at a critical mass where we are absorbing porn and sexuality. Women are learning a lot because they’re seeing this is possible in sex. I don’t have to just lay down on my back. I could do all kinds of things. So, in that respect, it’s great. People are kind of gorging themselves. Not kind of but definitely, but it almost have to go through Sodom and Gomorrah to get to the spiritual. 

There was a guru I used to follow Osho Bhagwan. He would visit depths when they would come when he was in Puna. He would have them just have sex for like two weeks. And then after they all thought that, you know, one more orgasm, a different person blah-blah-blah. They were still looking. Then he would come and say, “Now we meditate.” Because they were past what they thought they wanted. Like the kid who wants one more sugar treat, and then he got a big stomach. And now he said, “Well, let’s try some vegetables and some protein here now.” 

And then, they’d be open to it. So, I think what’s happening is to make that spiritual quantum leap to seeing ourselves in each other, you know, we’re just a thought away from peace on Earth, right? It’s just believing it that we could actually begin to shift into taking care of the planet and each other, with all the technology that we have. Anyway, that’s the bigger picture of where we’re coming from about teaching these practices to people because the sexual energy is available. You don’t have to have a big hard Lingam or penis, or have all this youthful sex. You could be 90 years old and tap in.

And 24 years old. 

There are 22. Yeah.

There are young men coming, which is very exciting because they start early and become more aware and conscious because they as much as women long for deeper connection within and then with a partner. No matter if they date or if they have been in a long-term relationship. It is really that deeper connection. In the end, Dr. Jessica, it’s about bringing forth fulfilment. Fulfilment is very different from gratification or satisfaction. There’s nothing wrong with gratification and satisfaction, but they are temporary. How about living in a state of fulfilment?

It sounds as if you’re saying, if I might even be so bold, that it isn’t even necessarily. It can be sexual, but it doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual. The boldness is what I’m feeling is like, “Oh, this might be a taboo to say.” but this could even be taught from a very young age.

I mean, I guess, Freddy, you are a testament of that. It’s how to be connected to your lifeforce energy that gives you the creativity, that gives you that awareness, that allows you to be in connection to cultivate and be in relationship. And then at some point, when you do want to choose to be sexual at some point in your life, that there’s a lot of intention and awareness around what that means. 

And yes, it might be I do want to just be super erotic and be physical and like, have it just been sex. And that there could be an awareness around that. Am I hearing that right?

Absolutely. We’re not saying one’s better, one’s bad. We’re saying it’s all good. So forever, we’ve been procreating creating life with this energy. The last hundred or so years recreating with the development of contraceptives. And now what we’re wanting to introduce and share is how to co-create in addition to all the other. So, that’s the big piece.

Because it’s an energy that for our global society is laden with guilt, fear, embarrassment, shame, and these are all contracting emotions. They make us non-alive. These are collective emotions. They are not my individual emotions, and I’m experiencing them deeply personally and individually.

Okay. so, what that means, if I’m hearing you correctly, is even though I might not have had life experiences that had been shameful or super dogmatic, that the collective there’s so much pervasiveness around the shame and the hidden and the explosion and the power dynamics and that that actually is something one could feel very palpably and be living because it’s a part of who we are.

We’re all living in this world. We’re all living in this world. Exactly. I wanted to say what’s here for the man in terms of the tantric practices. We’re TantraNova Tantra new. So, we are bringing in a lot of the dogma that is associated often with Tantra or other spiritual or religious practices. 

We want to work with the yoga and we’ve been working with the yoga of the energetic yoga of Tantra. It’s one of the original yoga of the energetic yoga. So, not Hatha Yoga of the physical form. It’s all energy. Our thoughts, as I was mentioned earlier are energetic expressions. 

For the man, what’s there is really how to transcend what appears often to the woman as lust because for the man there are two emotions that are okay. That’s fucking or fighting, right? But the, you know, intimate stuff, the nurturing stuff, the showing your emotion stuff, the tenderness stuff is not okay for men generally in society.

Stereotypically, yes. 

It is expanding more and more. We’re seeing that with the LGBTQ stuff, gay stuff. Strong guys are now showing their availability emotionally. But what’s so for the man in the way it’s taught in the tantric practices of learning how to separate ejaculation from orgasm. 

A lot of guys come to our work and they heard of sting in an article 30 years ago, make love to my wife for eight hours. It’s not boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I mean, there’d be broken hips and people would be in crutches and shit. But no, it’s about easing in, slow love, breathing, touching, massage, eating and feeding each other to have fast love/slow love. And for men, not just lasting longer because a lot of guys will confuse this. 

Well, I’m not a quick ejaculator. I don’t have that problem. It’s about consciously circulating what we call this orgasmic nectar. And for men, that requires some consciousness. Not just, “I’m going to get in there, and I’m going to ram, and I’m going to you know.” That’s what a lot of guys learn. I mean, we’re kind of wired to do that to procreate. Yet we have this consciousness, this awareness, because our brains and who we are, we’re goddesses and gods in the universe. We need to tap into our power.

Yes. Is this related to, Elsbeth, what you were talking or you both were talking about right before we started recording? It’s a real shift from the hierarchical, the power over, the winning, the dominating. Because look, I can feel even in the last probably 10-15 years, speaking in binary, women have, I think, access some of that energy of like, I’m going to be the one in power, I’m going to be the one and there’s some sense of that, too, which, again, no good, bad, right, or wrong, but just the awareness of what you’re just both describing is not there’s one dominant. I know you talk about a giver and a receiver, if I’m hearing this correctly, but there’s a shared we-ness and relational space that’s being cultivated and nurtured. Am I hearing this right?

Yes. So, in relationship, and it doesn’t matter if they are heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, transgender relationships, any relationship of that kind, there needs to be polarity because if there’s no polarity, if there’s not a yin and a yang, there is no magnetism. 

Free Young pretty girlfriends hugging and laughing in light apartment Stock Photo

“In any relationship, there needs to be polarity because if there’s no polarity, if there’s not a yin and a yang, there is no magnetism.”

Will a heterosexual relationship with that sometimes shift where one person would be the giver and one person would be the receiver? Is that typical?

Yeah, let me go a little deep with you. 

Okay. Okay. Sure.

In my relationship with Freddy, I am the feminine and he is the masculine. However, it depends on the arena where we engage in. Like, run the business, I’m more in the masculine, and he’s more in the feminine, the following. We had to figure that out so that we wouldn’t fight over it. 

I realized I really liked riding my motorcycle, so I don’t mind her doing all of the business. It’s fine. She’s better at it than I am so it’s good.

And then in the bedroom or in the intimate connection, it is not that I’m always in the feminine role because I have both estrogen and testosterone in me just as he has. When we look at the [dow 39:14] symbol of Yin and Yang, you know.

Clarity. 

That is white and black. If there was no white, we wouldn’t see the black and vice versa. In all of us are the white and the black, the moon and the sun, the feminine and the masculine have this within us. And then, that plays out in relationship. So, this way, we can actually learn to relate from our feminine side or from our masculine side. 

So, for women over the last 50 years with all that shifting and women’s movement, most of us have moved more into our masculine. That’s great in terms of competing in the marketplace. Many of us have forgotten about the feminine because that is also the more tender place, the vulnerable place, the open place, the letting go place. “Oh my gosh, I cannot let go. I would lose myself.” No. Surrendering is not losing yourself. It is actually getting yourself. 

Free Man Kissing Another Man on the Forehead Stock Photo

“Without trust, I cannot surrender. Surrendering is not losing yourself. It is actually getting yourself.”

The surrendering can be with oneself and it can be with a beloved in what’s called for as trust. Without trusting, I cannot surrender. I want to be very clear. This is not giving myself up. This is actually coming more into my fullest. And to have a partner who holds space and who is present. 

I mean, what more of a superb experience, blissful experience, this could be. Trust is required. And just as I said in my story, what was missing for me was trusting men because there was some injury both very personal, personally experienced. I also think, collectively. 

That is moving out of that hierarchical that one is up and one is down. One always leads, the other one is following. We have been historically in for millennia, and usually the women were subordinated and the males were the dominant. But now what we are cultivating here, and actually the tantric practice for thousands of years really cultivated that. That’s one part which is really beautiful about that practice that we both want to be able to receive and both be able to give.

Often, people come to us and we do partner practices no matter if they come with a beloved or as a solo and work with a practice partner. Just even doing non-sexual practices that are designed to cultivate emotional intimacy. Receiving can be very frightening. 

And to learn to let go into this, and also tapping into what may be underneath that often comes out when we are in the actual experience of being helped by another. Is it safe? Is he there for me? And if there is not a somatic experience, like on the cellular level of that, I am not open to that so then we want to move through that. 

I was going to say a lot of couples we work with, Jessica, you know, they come to us. They’re in this peak of their sexual aliveness in their 30s, early 40s. And she’s like, “I don’t know if he loves me.” And he’s like, “Of course, I love you baby.” Pointing to his hard on erection. And she’s like, “Yeah, but can you kiss me with your heart?” 

That’s not something guys learn but when they learn to draw that energy up to their heart, the sexual energy to their heart with an erection and not just automatically go to, “I’ve got to get in there.” then when she can bring that to his heart, her heart opens and then she can trust. So, a lot of these practices really lead them right to that doorway.

Yes, that needs to be practiced for the men. It doesn’t come naturally. Through the practices, a man is being led when they realize themselves. So, he wants to learn to separate ejaculation from orgasm. They are not the same as we often think they are. Ejaculation is a reflex in the pelvic floor that goes off right before the ejaculation to support ejecting of the ejaculate. 

If a man wants to become more connected with himself so that he can become more available and present to this beloved, again, it doesn’t matter if this is heterosexual or same sex couples. He wants to learn to master that reflex, that muscle in the pelvic floor. 

Free A Romantic Couple Kissing Stock Photo

“If a man wants to become more connected with himself so that he can become more available and present to this beloved, he wants to learn to master ejaculation. Then, he can breathe out the orgasm. He can breathe up the sensation into his heart. That opens his heart and makes him available emotionally in his tender spots. When he opens his heart, I can feel it. Once my heart opens, my Yoni opens. My sacred place opens.

Then he can breathe out the orgasm, which is energy frequency or sensation. He can breathe up the sensation into his heart that opens his heart, and makes him available emotionally in his tender spots. When he opens his heart, I can feel it. Once my heart opens, my Yoni opens. My sacred place opens. 

Thank you for both speaking to the polarity and the exchange and the power of the engagement that allows for this opening in the relating. I’m feeling the word enlightenment as you were talking because, Freddy, when you were speaking, there was a part of me that I’m like, yes, yes, yes. And then there’s another part of me that’s like, I do feel like men stereotypically also access some of the tenderness and the vulnerability through lovemaking. 

Some people would even say there’s been a lot of gender abuse as far as what it means to be so called a man and the range of what’s acceptable. And so, I think there’s a lot of programming around what it means to perform or what it means to be. You talk about the messaging and the imagery around porn, and like, there’s all this narrow around what that masculine looks like. 

I so appreciate you both speaking to the polarity because I’ll just also say I can so resonate with accessing the feminine and the power of that and the surrender, and it is a practice of mine to just continue to trust the breath and the flow and like, oh, like, I can just feel how healing that is. I think women, stereotypically, like you spoke about in the last 50 years, like, that’s just such a thing that maybe we’ve disconnected from or been detached from. So, there’s such healing. 

The other thing I want to say, as far as enlightenment, I think you reference the yin and yang. The way that I’ve seen that visually is they’re side by side, and there’s no value placed on one being better than the other. It feels as though in this exchange and the practice of these opening, and the open heart and the openness and the exchange, and the trust and the surrender, and everything that’s getting cultivated, there’s a wider container of it’s all valued. It’s all like that relational space. The reverence for both roles or each role is so profound that I think from that hierarchical one down one up, like, it’s not both people are not safe, there’s one winner. Am I hearing this?

Really a winner. It may look like that at the outside, but that stern masculine that is not connecting also in men not connecting with their feminine or their Yin, they are actually not whole. The whole thing is coming to wholeness. The yin and yang symbol is the ultimate expression of wholeness within and in relationship. 

And so, then we can really, you know, shifting out of the hierarchical or patriarchal relational model, into what we call a partnership model, where we are equal yet different. And so, sometimes I can be more in my feminine, Freddy in his masculine and vice versa. It is like a dance like the infinity loop, where one leads at some moment, the other follows. And then the second one leads and the first one follows. This is like playing in an orchestra.

It’s so beautiful because it’s happening already. Why don’t we be conscious of it, right? You said less of like, it’s happening to me that’s driving me and we’re engaging in these patterns that are perhaps disconnecting and hurtful and harmful? Like, it’s going to happen anyway, why not be conscious about it?

It’s part of the process of continuing to exist. And if we don’t shift that male dominant aggression, we will destroy ourselves. How men can grow, and women can grow, and we all can grow in this testosterone overload, then that’s what’s going to happen because if we all kill ourselves now, the planet would be like, “God, I’m so glad they’re gone.” So, it matters to us as homo sapiens but it doesn’t to the universe. 

We are the ones who have to continue to expand, to exist. And like you said, it’s all shifting. It’s going androgenous. I teach a men’s workshop and Elsbeth teaches a woman’s workshop. And most of our workshops are co-Ed, but in the men’s workshop, they learn as a homework practice on their own this learning to separate ejaculation from orgasm. 

And again, the first day, there’s lots of actionable insights. But when I demonstrate this practice, and I demonstrate how to bring up the energy and how to squeeze the PC muscle and how to breathe and setting intentions and all that, I say, and for extra credit, you get to go into your own anus and go to your prostate. 

Now a lot of guys go, that’s homophobic or that’s dirty, or, you know, wow, that’s interesting. For a man, that’s as close as it feels like for a woman to be entered. So, you know, guys kind of go, I’m going to get in there, I’m going to fuck. I’m going to get in there. But once it goes into their own asshole, they are kind of like, “Well, maybe I’m just going to take my time to squeeze in there.” 

There is another way of tapping into this tragedy in terms of seeing ourselves in each other. It doesn’t take anything away from a man’s capacity to whatever, be a man, be tough, be you know, and all of that. It’s like it enhances all of that actually.

Yes. And the value for the feminine too, right? 

Absolutely. 

Yes. Okay. Well, I just know that I want to spend more time with you both so I’m just would love to also share as listeners with maybe like to learn more about what the two of you have to offer. What would you invite people to do?

Thank you for this invitation, Jessica. So, a good way to learn more about these practices and what may be available to you as a listener is to go to our website at TantraNova.com. Lots of free videos including our YouTube channel. You can all find it on the website. You can find the link on the homepage to our audiobook called Sexual Enlightenment: How to Create Lasting Fulfilment in Life, Love, and Intimacy. 

You can just click there on the link and it takes you right to Audible. And then if you want to know more, then just schedule a complimentary consultation with us and we can explore what may be up for you and how this tantric organ opening and healing may really play into your own life and most importantly, could contribute to you on your path into sexual enlightenment.

Thank you. And Freddy, do you want to add anything to what you both have to offer and what you want to encourage?

Yeah, just for all of us to keep enjoying our lives and owning our upsets, right? And keep developing our observer, our witness to our thoughts and conversations and keep moving towards what we most deeply desire and whatever we need to do to strip away the stuff that doesn’t service. Internal conversations or external reality, do it. It’s a short life. Enjoy.

It’s so true. And you both do workshops. Is that right?

Yes. Yes. As Freddy mentioned, he teaches a workshop for men only called Men, Sex, and Power. And really guys walk away from that with things they never heard about being able to do them. Both, you know, how can a man be worth his testosterone energy because no adolescent boy or young man gets trained in being with that energy, channeling this energy, using the energy for what they want to use it instead of being used by the energy. 

And then, I teach a women’s only workshop which is called Awaken to Your Feminine Essence, really dropping into that feminine dimension that we spoke about a little earlier so that we can return to a wholeness within ourselves that will then impact the way we show up in the world and most importantly, that we are becoming more able to bring into our life, what we most deeply desire. Be it a beloved, be it fulfilling intimate sexual connection, be it, you know, whatever it may be, or even my career. Mind shifted greatly out of everything into my sexual creative energy. And now I can use it as a fountain of youth about lightness instead of living in some guilt or distrust. 

And then we do of course, co-Ed workshops where couples and singles can join us. One is called Secrets to Lasting Intimacy where we teach how to cultivate emotional intimacy because without deeper emotional intimacy, I cannot experience sexual intimacy. I can have sex, but not sexual intimacy. That’s really the emotional and the physical dimensions. 

And then our advanced workshop is called Spark where we teach sexual healing rituals. There’s one dedicated to the women, where the partner is the giver and the space holder. It is not about him. He leaves all the agenda outside the room. He is truly there for her, and that is where for me, the opening arose where I tap into the 18-year-old just came back like that. 

And then we have a mastery program which is a three-months program for people who really want to go further and wider. And then also certification program. We also do work online so that people who may not be able to travel to Chicago have the same benefits. We have three-months program for the individual, online program for the couple, equally as powerful as coming here to Chicago. And then next February, we are taking a group of couples to Costa Rica for seven days, so if you want to join us with your beloved.

Yeah, Dr. Jessica. You and your beloved got to come to that. That’s going to be a seven-day immersion. We’ve contracted a beautiful property. It’s just the people in the workshop. It’s pretty exclusive group. So, it’s really going to be a great way to get a full taste of an experience of this in a beautiful setting. 

It sounds lovely. 

That is in the first part of February, so it’s a little out, but it’s time to plan.

Mark your calendars. 

Mark your calendars. 

Well, thank you both so much for what you’ve shared with us here today and what you’re doing. I will make sure to put all of these links on today’s show notes. It’s been such a gift and an honor. Thank you.

It’s been a joy talking with you, too. Thanks, Jessica.

Thank you, Jessica.

Thank you.

Signing Off

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here. 

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. 

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here

Thank you!  

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Please leave a Comment

Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication

Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication.

Stop the criticism loop, learn new ways to communicate
and strengthen the connection with your partner.

SEND ME THE FREE GUIDE

Dr. Jessica Higgins ~ Relationship and Transformational Coaching