ERP 330: How Our Relationships Help Us Grow & Evolve — An Interview With Enrique Delgadillo

By Posted in - Podcast July 26th, 2022 0 Comments

A strong relationship requires human connection. Ironically, though, when you seek connection from a place of scarcity, the universe tends to take it away from you. Enrique Delgadillo asserts that the only way to get it is to first find the connection within yourself.

In this episode, Enrique discusses how our thoughts manifest in different areas of our lives. As the law of attraction suggests, where the focus goes, energy flows. We’ll take a deep dive into 5D consciousness and discuss how you can change your mindset and apply it to strengthen your relationships.

Enrique is a world-leading specialist in transcendental psychology and is the founder and CEO of Vive Incredible, with a mission to awaken mankind’s ability to live in complete abundance and wealth, beginning from our inner world of thoughts.

With over 100 million views on YouTube and 4 million followers across his social platforms, he aims to elevate the consciousness and wealth of individuals by understanding their unique frequency value, or “Secret Sauce,” that helps them play a bigger game in life and feel more fulfilled as they continue to evolve.

In this Episode

5:26 Enrique’s incredibly difficult journey of self-evolution.

12:47 Recognizing 5D consciousness or energy and how to use it to determine what you truly need from a romantic partner or relationship.

16:12 Shifting one’s perspective to 5D consciousness.

22:18 Distinctions between the need that comes from lack versus preferring those things as experience.

31:21 Various approaches to reaching your higher self.

38:06 Cultivating connection from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset.

42:41 Understanding the three levels of connection.

47:51 Words of wisdom.

Your Check List of Actions to Take

  • Take a moment to reflect and pay attention to your thoughts and how you perceive the world.
  • Focus on what the experience is teaching you rather than what you are not getting from your partner.
  • Develop an abundance mindset.
  • Be kind and loving to yourself in the same way that you would want your partner to treat you.
  • Practice mindfulness through meditation or simply paying attention to the current moment so we can think more clearly.
  • Make it a habit to connect with yourself and learn to be vulnerable.

Mentioned

Navegar En Tiempos de Tormentas (Spanish Edition) (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Relationship Map To Happy, Lasting Love

Connect with Enrique Delgadillo

Website: go.enriquedelgadillo.com/home

Facebook: facebook.com/viveincreibleintl

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UC-hjRfCoajsJvMKeSGVtDwA

Instagram: instagram.com/kikedelgadillo/?hl=en

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship 

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins 

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation 

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins 

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins 

Website: drjessicahiggins.com  

Email: [email protected]

About Today’s Show

Enrique, thank you for joining us today.

Oh, Jessica. It’s an honor. Thank you for inviting me.

Yes. I know that you focus on supporting people in transforming many dimensions in their life. I know we’re going to be talking more specifically today about intimate relationships and how the principles that you teach apply to a romantic relationship. Before we turn towards that, what would you like to share with us today for us to get to know you a little bit better? What got you into doing this work in the world?

That’s a good question. Basically, just screwing up a lot. I had a lot of past relationships, yep. Just my own journey of self-evolution, screwing this thing up and then that thing up, and understanding how my own conflicts had to do with my own personal evolution journey. 

I was married. I am married today, but I was married a few years ago. I had a very painful divorce. It was just the relationship where when I met this girl, we, just like, instantly fell in love. We had a great amazing love going on for a couple of years. And, you know, the honeymoon phase comes to its end, and then the real wounded inner child comes to the surface. Sometimes we just don’t know how to deal with the insecurities and the needs that hadn’t been satisfied and that hadn’t been solved. 

It was through a very painful journey of emotional lack, maybe scarcity, trying to get the other person to fill my voids, and that never works out. So, it was my past failures in relationships. There came the point where after that divorce, where I said, “You know, I think this relationship stuff isn’t for me.” I don’t think I’m made for this. I don’t think I’m meant to have a nice, loving relationship. 

And so, I really wanted to figure out why. I didn’t do it because I wanted to, or I was planning on just creating a new relationship. I didn’t even want that at that time. I said, “What’s wrong with me?” What went wrong with my expectations? I used to believe in the happily ever after and, you know, getting married and having 2 or 3 kids and just like that play out, and it didn’t go that way. So, I needed to figure out why. 

Was it my expectation? Is there something wrong with me? Am I just not meant for this? That just took me on this amazing journey through inner soul searching, through just a lot of psychology, learning a lot about psychology, learning a lot about relationships, and learning a lot about a lot of different stuff. And through the years, it had just become a passion of mine. 

I started posting stuff online on relationships, confidence, on personal evolution. More than four million followers later in programs and mentorships and all this stuff, this is what I do today. It has brought me to do this, to what I do today.

It sounds like, if I’m hearing you correctly, that relationship was the pain point that brought you to the transformational work. And then, I’m also hearing you that the transformational work and the practices and principles that you teach apply to any aspect of life.

Absolutely, I believe so. For me, relationships acted like a mirror that showed me all the voids that I felt, all of the places of scarcity and lack from which I was trying to create these relationships. I believe that’s one of the fundamental things that we do in this life. We go through processes in relationships and our professional lives in business and family and friendships, and then we go through conflict. 

Each conflict, when we learn what the message was for us, we start kind of uncovering the light that’s always within us, right? We start learning more about who we’re not than who we are. So, when we finally figure out what we’re not, we can be more of ourselves. And that usually leads to better relationships, more prosperity financially, etc.

Free Boy and Girl Sitting on Bench Toy Stock Photo

“When we learn what the message was for us with each conflict, we start uncovering the light that’s always within us. We start learning more about who we’re not than who we are. So, when we finally figure out what we’re not, we can be more of ourselves. That usually leads to better relationships, more prosperity, financially, etc.”

I love that description around the light. There was this analogy I remember in a very early podcast that I did, and I likened the emotional, personal work, and even relational work to hygiene, that, of course, we could do on a more frequent basis that keeps us in that shining and having the visibility and whatever credit we might pick up along the way, being able to clear that, but sometimes when we’ve been unconscious to it or perhaps just to have been doing what was familiar or what we learned in our environment, that that sometimes takes a deeper extraction or deeper excavating to even just look at and acknowledge. 

I think I came across somebody that referenced the analogy of like a windshield, that we wouldn’t drive around with bugs and mud and dirt and dust all on our windshield, right. We wouldn’t be able to see very clearly. And so, it’s almost as if you’re talking about this light that we all have, in essence, in our individual expression. And that, as we start to become more aware, we can look at the ways in which we confine that, restrict it, or manipulate it. And then, if we can do that developmental work, then we can be more fully expressed. Is that right?

I love how you put that. That was amazing because, as I mentioned, today, I’m married to an amazing woman. We have a beautiful relationship. We’ve been together for a few years now. It comes to a point where you understand that it’s not about the happily ever after. It’s about the constant work that you do on yourself and that every single important person that will show up in your life represents some lessons that you have to learn. 

Free Person Holding Guitar While Looking at a Person Stock Photo

“It comes to a point where you understand that it’s not about the happily ever after. It’s about the constant work that you do on yourself and that every single important person that will show up in your life represents some lessons that you have to learn.”

It doesn’t matter how much you believe that you’re conscious and you’ve worked on yourself or whatever you will have in your relationships, people that push your buttons. That’s when we have to do the inner work and look inside. Like, okay, why am I feeling this? That just keeps going on and on.

Absolutely. Enrique, I will say my journey is very similar in the way that I came to really being able to study and do a deeper dive with the relationship principles. And then, even fast forward, I’ve been with my husband for 16 plus years, and I am still seeing and deepening my understanding of what gets activated in me on a deeper level. 

I’m such a proponent of doing one’s work and walking the talk. It’s just continual unpacking and ways that provide great benefits, right? I wouldn’t ever not do it knowing what I know and where I’m at now versus where I was before. It is a process. I just echo that.

Yeah. And you talk about; you’re walking the talk. The funny thing is that you know, what I talked about today might not be what I will talk about a year from now because we’re in constant evolution. That’s the important thing of just getting perspective. There’s no absolute truth. Just getting perspectives from you or from whoever and just, you know, whatever resonates, we apply that to whatever we’re going through. Each of us is a work in progress. Right? 

Well said. Agreed. Agreed, agreed. Well, I know you talk about 3D Consciousness. Is that a good place to start? How does that fit with what we’re describing here around evolution and development?

Yeah. Well, people know me as a 5D Coach. What we do is I help people access their 5D consciousness or 5D Energy, which, you know, this whole 3D/5D thing, it’s only a way to understand the way that our consciousness evolves. So, 5D would be when we can see and recognize ourselves in the other. 

So, when my ego makes me believe that I am Enrique, and that’s me and that everything else is not Enrique. It’s just everything else. Right? So, I am the main character in the story. Everything that happens is personal. It happens for me. 

That’s what we call 3D Consciousness, which is where the way that I relate to my environment is, well, is that going to eat me? Or am I going to eat that? Or can I love that, or will that love me? So, it’s a very separate perception. 

5D Consciousness is when we can finally understand that we’re just like a wave in the ocean. And other people, or the other, the one that we perceive as the other, is just another wave. As these waves interact, we might perceive it as two different waves talking to each other, when in reality, it’s just the ocean talking to itself. 

And so, when I can finally see that and when I interact with the other, I am actually interacting with a version of myself. I can see myself in the other because we are all. We are all part of the same quantum field expressed in different fractals of consciousness, bodies, or whatever you want to call it—these things that we are. We can finally understand how the other person what their purpose in my life is, what my purpose in their life is, and what our mission is together. What am I here to teach you about yourself, and what are you here to teach me about me? 

So, in the end, we can be more loving. We can love more unconditionally. We can have more prosperous relationships. We can even have more prosperous separations. We can have more prosperous, more loving connections just by understanding that you have a purpose in my life. And you are me, actually.

Exactly. I’m wondering if you would be able to give an example. I mean, you’re giving some short examples around the mindset and the paradigm of seeing the other. This happens in intimate relationships, regardless if it’s dating or marriage, or whatever the agreements are and however long we’ve even known them, that there’s this sense of, again, what they’re going to do for us, or how they’re serving us, or do they care about us, love us. It’s so referenced from the self like you’re mentioning. 

When we can enter into this other way of viewing and mindset of this, we relational and even beyond, right? It’s not even just the couple and the shared connection and what we’re cultivating together in that shared space. It’s this bigger, like, all connected. Can you walk us through, if you’re open to it, what it looks like and an example of where someone might shift from one perspective to the 5D?

Yeah, absolutely. For example, when I perceive that I’m not receiving enough attention from my significant other, this has happened a lot, right? So, when my ego and my 3D energy, the perception is that I’m not receiving what I need because I’m the main character. And so, this main character has to receive what it needs from its environment. 

When we’re talking about 3D consciousness and 5D consciousness, a lot of people asks, “What’s 4D?” So, the fourth dimension of consciousness in the school of philosophy that I’ve learned and we teach comes or happens when the being realizes that, okay, it’s not just me asking if I can love that or will that love me, but I also realized that that person is their own protagonist. They’re their own main character in their own story. 

So, I can take a step back, and my consciousness can finally ask, “Okay. So, who is this that is perceiving himself or herself as the main character when there are so many other main characters?” And that’s when we understand, oh, this is not personal. 

So, when somebody is not giving me the attention, well, it’s not that they’re not giving me the attention, it’s just that they’re giving something else the attention because that’s what they believe is better for them. It is not personal. And when I can love unconditionally and accept unconditionally, if I really love that person, I will validate. Whatever it is that your attention is focused on, it is valid.

I might not like it.

I might not like it, but it is very valid because it’s you, because you are your own main character. I am the extra in your movie. So, that’s 4D. And then, 5D is when we can finally understand that, “Oh, this that I’m perceiving, this thing that I’m perceiving you’re not giving me is the message that the universe is giving me so that I may give it to myself.” 

So, when you’re not giving me enough attention, I have to ask myself, “What is this mirror teaching me?” And typically, when you believe that people are not paying enough attention to you, you have to ask yourself, how much attention am I paying to myself? Am I seeing myself? Do I recognize myself? Am I celebrating myself? Because the moment you start to do that, all of a sudden, the world shifts, and then people start paying more attention to you, and they start celebrating you more, but it all starts from within. Right?

Yeah. So, tapping into the trigger, if you will, that then can be the teacher, that we can then start to cultivate and access that doesn’t necessarily require another, being hinged on the other being the source of that thing. And then, we can connect with the vibration or the energy of receiving or being attended to, and there are multiple ways to serve that need. 

And then, if I’m hearing you correctly, you’re saying, then it starts to attract, or we get to feel it in multitudes because we’re trapped in, or we’re paying attention, and we’re cultivating that abundance of attention versus the scarcity and focusing on all the places that we’re not getting attention.

Exactly. Absolutely. There’s a universal law that is the law of correspondence which means that whatever is inside is what you will receive on the outside and manifested in your physical world. So, if there is a lack of self-love, you will perceive a lack of love from others towards you; if there’s a lack of self-recognition, anything. 

Free Two Man With Umbrella Sitting on Bench Stock Photo

“Whatever is inside is what you will receive on the outside and manifested in your physical world. If there is a lack of self-love, you will perceive a lack of love from others towards you.”

Everyone can recognize it in their own lives. Anytime that you believe that the source of your joy, the source of your happiness, love, safety, anytime that you believe that the source of those things is outside of yourself, anytime that my safety is the money in the bank, anytime that my sense of love and worth is my significant other, anytime that you believe that the source of those things is outside, the universe will tend to take those things away. 

That’s what happens when we start needing. When I act needy, what’s happening is I’m acting from a place of lack. So, when there’s a lack inside, there will be a lack outside. People will run from you when you are needy, right. But when I give myself all the things that I believe that I need to be happy, all of a sudden, I become a magnet. Right?

Now, help us because as you’re talking in the word need, right, so many people have ideas about a need. There’s neediness. The way that I’m hearing you describe this neediness is almost that this is, again, my only avenue to receive or to access this thing that I need. And the need perhaps inherently isn’t bad. Right? But that perhaps that we can have other sources and we can have some stability in ourselves and that we get to cultivate that. 

Perhaps my question is, how does this look in a relationship? Because I imagine I’ll just speak for myself with my husband. I do want to feel his engagement. I do want to feel his responsiveness. I do feel on a human level that if he’s available, I know he’s not always available, but when he is available like I do feel like there is a need to feel his engagement that feels very different than my life depends on him. Right? 

I even want to be subtle around this because I think from an attachment perspective, we do humans need one another. We’re wired up for social bonding and connection. At the same time, when we talk about 5D, there’s a resource and access in a universal consciousness that you’re referring to that we all are one. So, help us with this neediness versus need and relationship. Do you get what I’m asking? I’m not being very clear about it, but do you hear where I’m going? 

Absolutely.

Okay. 

Yeah, I get where you’re going. I get asked this a lot. I like to explain it this way. There’s a big difference between the need that comes from lack, which is I don’t have, so this void must be filled with another. That feels very different than what we prefer. So yes, we all like to be loved, we all like the physical touch, and we’d like to be hugged, but there’s a big difference between believing that we need those things to be complete or preferring those things as an experience. 

When we believe that we are incomplete without those things, that is when the “neediness” shows up. That is what propels. When we believe that we are, we have indeed inside of us what we need to feel safe, to be at peace, to be happy, yeah, we want some experiences, we want to be hugged, we want to connect, we want to have intimacy. But I know that I can be happy without it. I just prefer it. And when we prefer it, what happens is we can create relationships from abundance and relationships from abundance, come from a place of I am complete, and I want to provide this for you in exchange for what you can provide for me. Not that I need it because I can be happy without it. I just prefer it. 

It’s a funny thing because it’s the same thing with money. It’s the same thing with money. When we act from lack, “I am incomplete without it. And so, I chase, and I chased, and I chase.” The money will run and run and run from me. But when I believe that I am already abundant with the air in my lungs, I already believe I am abundant with the roof over my head. 

I can prefer things. Yeah, I can prefer the Ferrari. I can prefer the yacht. I can prefer it, but I don’t need it. I am still complete even if it’s not there. And from that energy, we want to experience things. We manifest them more easily because it comes from a place of attraction. Those things start chasing you because of the person you become. You don’t have to chase anything.

Okay. I do believe in what you’re saying energetically and spiritually. I also know that there’s such a field of attachment research that talks about the human need for connection. It is a need. It’s not a preference that we actually need to have bondedness. We don’t thrive in isolation, right? We put somebody in isolation or solitary confinement or these type of things. 

Maybe the way that I’m seeing this connect is that if we’re focused on a specific person or specific thing that gives us that, then we get into that scarcity versus, like you’re saying, transparently. I have had a failed relationship. We weren’t married. But that was the failed relationship that then got me into really doing a deeper dive in myself that then got me in the practice of these more conscious relationship principles. 

I can stand for the need but the actual source of it. There might be an abundance in the source. I don’t mean that a person is disposable, but I’m just trying to get the sense of how these can both be true.

No, absolutely. I get where you’re coming from. And yeah, I absolutely believe that there are these inherent needs that we as human beings need to thrive. I guess it’s just the mindset around it. We have the mindset of abundance. As in, “Yeah. Yeah. I want to connect. Yeah, I want to be a part of something. Yes.” But there is an abundance of people who I can do that with, right. But as you say, when it becomes no, that person has to be the source of the happiness, that person has to be the provider of the validation, the provider of the love, the provider of the things.

And it needs to look in a certain way.

Yep, exactly. That’s when we walk around with this fairy tale with this hole cut out and see who fits in it. That’s why we get so disappointed because we want people to fill our expectations, and relationships never work from expectations, right.

The thing that I also appreciate is you being willing to kind of hold space for this, and let me ask because I genuinely want to hear from you. And there’s part of me that’s definitely interested in how these fit because I think this is in the field of psychology, a definite conflict, where there’s a school of people that are like, “You got to love yourself before someone else can love you.” And then there are other people that are very much like this is a human need for bonding, for safety, for connection. It’s like water. It is that essential. 

Part of the attachment work and principles is when we can stand on our own two feet and recognize those needs, and we can be in vulnerability to that. It’s not that dissimilar from what you were just saying a moment ago. It’s not projected onto someone else when we can acknowledge and own and be in connection with it, and then work with it that perhaps, then there’s so much more opportunity for how that can be fulfilled.

Yeah, this is actually a great conversation. I’m loving this because it’s very real. So, how do we reconcile these things that might seem opposite? Do you know what comes to mind? What happens if you ask a, I don’t know, Tibetan monk who creates isolation on purpose to detach from whatever his needs are in the world if they are happy or if they can thrive. I believe that’s an interesting conversation. I think that’s something that we could look into because I do believe that as human beings, like, you know, we need water. It’s not like I can just be you love myself, and I can’t.

But there are some Yogi, that is. I don’t know what the name is, but they just basically survive on air, right? Like it is.

Maybe we are not as evolved. Maybe we may not have that higher perspective. But definitely, we are still a 3D species. I mean, we still believe or perceive or need some outside things to be able to thrive. I don’t think it’s a matter of, you know, in this human experience, it’s just come into this light and be 5D beings. All of a sudden, they don’t need anything. I believe it is actually recognizing the things that we need and learning how to provide them for ourselves, including the love of other people. 

When I believe that I can’t get the love of other people, that is a lack of belief in myself. When I believe that I am loved, when I believe I can be loved by other people, I can manifest those things. They tend to happen. Right? So, I think it’s a little bit of both worlds.

Yeah. One of the things I’m thinking that I don’t know if you’ve ever looked at like Ken Wilber or some of the consciousness development. I’ve understood that even all the lower levels of consciousness are all still present as one evolves, right. It’s not like we go away with the other. So, I wonder if the 3D is a part of the 5D and if it’s just how we move through these experiences. We have access to more consciousness and more choice and more ways of being and choosing differently.

I believe that. I believe that all dimensions of consciousness are ever-present. Actually, when we say 3D/4D/2D, it’s the way we say, like, I don’t know, 32 degrees Fahrenheit or 34 degrees, it was made up by someone. It’s just an ever-infinite gradient, right? There is no real division. It’s just the way we come to understand it. But every vibration, every dimension of consciousness is available to us. They become unraveling. They become clearer as we evolve, but they’re always there. They’re always present. Anyone can always have a 3D experience if they wish.

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“I believe that all dimensions of consciousness are ever-present. Every vibration, every dimension of consciousness is available to us. They become unraveling. They become clearer as we evolve, but they’re always there. They’re always present. Anyone can always have a 3D experience if they wish.”

And that it perhaps is there and then how we deal with it is part of the choice, right? And part of the consciousness that we bring.

Part of that free will, exactly. Part of that. So, this happened. Okay, how do you want to deal with it? Do you want to have this 3D perspective? It was personal. Something’s happening to me. Or will you have this 5D perspective as small things are not happening to me; they’re just happening. I will decide how I want to deal with this.

It still can pursue the desire for attention. I might just do it very differently than I would have done from that place of like, I need them, and they’re my only source. 

Yeah, exactly. 

Okay. Thank you for going down that rabbit hole with me.

I love it. I love it. Thank you. 

Yes. Okay. So, what do you see? Because one of the other things that I was thinking as you were describing this is really profound, and that impulses can be so quick, right? That they can emerge so quickly? How do you invite people to practice this? What are some of maybe the skills or the shifts that you invite people to put into, like the implementation of it?

I think that one of the most powerful tools that we have is to learn to be with ourselves learn to be silent with ourselves. There are different ways of accessing our higher selves. Some might choose meditation, other people might choose yoga, but it really is just a self-observation, just learning to be with myself in the present, with no judgment, right? With no judgment, with no expectation, with no “I should be there, but I shouldn’t be doing this” or “this should be happening” or “I’m not good at this” or “I’m failing at this.” 

Just look at your present as a result. And as a manifestation of whatever. We don’t need to judge the cause. Just look at the effect. Look at what’s going on. Be with myself and learn to be happy here and now, where I am. It doesn’t matter if there’s someone present, if there’s not anybody else present, if I’m in a relationship with money, if I have money, if I don’t have money. It’s just, “Can I learn? Can I feel abundant here and now?” I feel fulfilled and abundant here and now with the air in my lungs and just kind of observe the thoughts that come with that. 

When we talk about attachment, a question that I always like to ask my clients and my students is when we’re talking about it, so this person will not give me their attention, or this person will not call back, or this person will not give me their love. Or, I’m not in a relationship, and I’m afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. So, I’ll ask him something like, so if you know, whatever you believe, whether that’s God or the universe or whatever, just have the clouds open up, and a ray of light comes down, and there’s a loud booming voice that says, “You will not have a relationship ever in your life.” Can you be happy? Can you be happy despite that? 

That’s when you’re going to hear a lot of the limiting beliefs. “Well, I don’t know. I don’t know if I can be happy.” So, you’ll ask why. And then, when we dig deeper, we find that there’s a lot of programming around that. There’s a lot of programming that says, “Your life is incomplete without a significant other.” If you have a relationship, it has to be until death do you part or whatever you call it. 

All these beliefs have us attaching ourselves to people and situations. And so, the way we solve those things is just sitting with ourselves. Sitting with ourselves and just asking, “Why am I feeling this? Why? If I have everything I need here and now to be at peace, why am I letting something external take away that piece?” And then we find a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff that we can work on.

It sounds like in this very contemplative stillness and being quiet with the self, it allows for that meta-thinking, the meta observing, and that presencing of our experience that gives us more visibility to perhaps what kind of programming and conditioning and really get curious around it.

I love what you just said, “the presencing of our experience,” because I think something magical happens when we can consciously take a step back, like a simulated step back, from our consciousness and ask ourselves, who is this that is thinking these things? Who is this that is feeling these things? And so, an analogy that I like is like a play. Right? 

So, we’re watching this play unfold. We believe that we’re the central character, and you were inside his or her head. What happens if you can just take a step back and watch the play as if you were the audience? And you can say, “Look at that plot twist. What just happened with that character or with this character.” 

And then, just step back and look at yourself as the experience that you’re having. Not as the person that you are but as the, like you said, the experience that you are having, and that it is just one of many experiences that are being had. They’re not good. They’re not bad. They’re just an experience that’s being had. When we can look at our lives through that lens, just so many things change.

It sounds like patterns, tendencies, and limitations become that much more visible. Would you agree?

Absolutely. It’s funny how even we, who we dedicate our work and our lives to this profession, to this work that we do, sometimes it’s fairly easy to look at that person as like a puzzle and kind of see the pieces that are missing. But when you’re the puzzle, you can’t see that. So, that’s why we need mirrors. That’s why we need people to show up in our lives and kind of act as these mirrors to show us so we can start seeing, “Oh, I see. There’s this lack. There’s this separation. There’s this anxiety.” “Oh, okay. Yeah. Now, I know what I need to work on.” Right? So yeah, totally. 

Free Photograph of Men Reading a Book Together Stock Photo

“Sometimes, it’s fairly easy to look at a person as a puzzle and see the pieces that are missing. But when you’re the puzzle, you can’t see that. That’s why we need people to show up in our lives and act as mirrors.”

And when we don’t pause, right, if we’re in the fast-paced nature of life and we’re not pausing to look at these interactions or conflicts, there’s so much material and even curriculum to work with that we might be missing when we don’t slow down.

Yeah. I like to tell people, “There’s so much more to you. There’s so much more to you than this reality that you’re experiencing. There are so many levels, so many dimensions to you that if you just stop, and observe, and listen, you’re going to find so much joy and so much power and so much power to create, you know, if you just stop and listen to yourself, listen to your thoughts. Look at how you perceive the world.”

Yes, and I know this feels like I’m going backward. I’m really not intending to, but as you talk about this recognition and this observation that even if there is a desire or a need to feel the connection, and let’s say my husband is not available, or my partner’s not available, that perhaps I have other really good friends that I can really support that need. 

There might be other ways of getting that need met, and I’m being in service of and connected to that desire, that need, but not from this scarcity place, from this abundant place and being able to be having my own back and being proactive if you will. Well, and I’m wondering in what you provide in your teachings, is there anything that you want to speak to as far as a skill set?

I’m very grateful that you actually hadn’t backtracked a little bit to that place because there’s so much more we can talk about that, but I really want to say this. So, it’s counterintuitive what happens with this law of correspondence. We know that we need a connection to thrive, right? The funny thing is that when we look for it from a place of lack, it will not show up. When we look for it from a place of abundance, it will show up. 

I think that as we do need this connection, the only way that we’re going to get it is to find a connection within ourselves. When somebody else is not present for me, sometimes we might think, “Well, who else is going to be present for me?” I may look for my friends to be present for me, but it’s still searching for a place of lack, a place of “I am still incomplete.” 

The funny thing that happens is that when we can look at that situation as, “Okay, I’m not receiving the attention that my husband, my wife, they’re not available for me. Am I available for me? Can I feel at peace and happy and abundant in the present moment? Can I focus on maybe my stuff, my goals, my things?” And when you do that, people tend to pay attention to you. 

The attention starts to come in, but it’s really counterintuitive, but whatever lives inside is what will manifest outside. If you want more attention, you got to pay more attention to yourself. Yeah, I agree. We need the connection. So, to get the connection, we must look for it from abundance, from “I’m already connected.” “I am already abundant.” “I am already happy.” “I’m already at peace.” From that place, you could become so attractive to your significant other, to your friends, or in business or whatever.

And the way that I’m hearing this too and resonating is when I am connected to myself and have my own back, I’m not abandoning myself. What I bring to the relationship is so much more vulnerable and real in the sense of the authenticity that the inside parts, that the relating is so much more intimate because I’m in my own skin, I’m on my own two feet, and I have my own back. 

And yes, there is something really profound about liking my own company and enjoying my own activities. And there can be a time and a place where I really want to share in relating, and it can still be from that place of abundance. And if I’m in a place of connectedness, that’s real relationship versus perhaps what you’re describing is if I’m going in this seeking, but I’m abandoning myself, or I’m not connected to myself, or I’m not available to myself, what I’m creating, I would argue, not the genuine relationship that we typically feel so fulfilled by in this deep knowing and presencing of one another. What do you think?

Yeah, exactly. What we create from that place is what we would call toxic relations. I wouldn’t like to call it toxic relationships, but that is what a lot of people would call a toxic relationship. It’s a relationship that comes from need. It’s this relationship that comes from, “Okay. So, yeah. I want to share with you, but because I need you to validate me.” 

I’m trying to impress you.

Exactly. I’m trying to impress you. I need you to validate me. I need you to hug me. I need you to love me. And so, from that, that usually comes these toxic cycles. As you say, when we feel at peace in our own skin, where we are and what we bring to a relationship is, “Okay. I’m not here with my glass half full wanting you to fill it. My glass is overflowing. I just want somebody to share it with.” That’s just such a different place. 

It’s not, “Look. I need water to complete my glass, to fill it up.” It’s, “My glass is overflowing, so who else can I share this with?” Magic happens when two-fold glasses that are overflowing come and share. That’s the relationship from abundance. What can I do for you? Right? So, I know what you do for me. I also know what I do for me. So, how can we create something beautiful together? Not how are we going to fill each other. Right?

Yeah. I know our time is limited with you. I’m wondering. Do you have any practices or skills that you like to encourage couples to be in practice? We talked about the individual practice of slowing down and contemplation and reflection. Is there anything that you encourage, as far as couplehood or relationships? 

Yeah. You actually mentioned it, but I’d like to take it a little bit deeper. It’s the vulnerability part. I believe that there are three levels of connection and when we reach the third one is when the magic happens. There is a first connection, which is very hormonal, it’s very primal, and it’s very sexual. When the attraction or the connection only stays at that level, it doesn’t last a long time. 

The next level is the emotional connection, which is when we give meaning to what that other person, you know how that person fits into my ideal, fits into my fairy tale. And that’s where, you know, romance comes from, and you know, we want to create this fairy tale together. 

And then, there is this third connection, which is what I teach in my course and my practice. This third connection comes when you can understand what will keep you excited and passionate in a relationship for long. This third connection comes from understanding what is it that this person is showing me about how I need to evolve and grow, how I am teaching them also, and how we are doing this, right? And we’re growing together. A part of that is actually being vulnerable. 

We always talk about communication and how communication is so important, but not all communication is equal, right? So, when we communicate from a place of not, “Why didn’t you do this for me? or “Why did you do that?” rather, from a place of, look, I found that I am wounded. This is how I feel. This is my story. This is what it looks like from inside me. How can we solve this together? 

Free A Couple's Sweet Moments Together in the Kitchen Stock Photo

“We always talk about communication and how communication is so important, but not all communication is equal. Prepare to be vulnerable. That is what really connects you to a person.”

And actually, be vulnerable to say, “Yeah, I am insecure. I’m very insecure around this. It’s not you. It’s not that you’re doing something wrong. It’s that I am very insecure. It’s that I am feeling this. It’s that I feel incomplete when you do that. It’s that when you don’t hug me, I feel, whatever.” When we can do that, the ego doesn’t like that because the ego perceives that as like dangerous. 

“Who am I kidding? This person has power over me.” What really happens is exactly what happens when we watch a movie. We watch this character go through trials and tribulations, and you feel more connected to this character at the end because this character, you saw him or her being vulnerable, and you saw their story, and you saw their battles, and you saw them win at the end. 

That is what really connects you to a person. When you can be that for each other, like, look at my movie, it’s not your movie, this is my movie, how it’s playing out, and how I’m winning my own battles. Oh, that just creates such an awesome connection. We’re doing this together, right? You’re living your movie. I’m living my movie. 

I always say that in a relationship, there’s not one relationship. There are always two relationships—the relationship that you have with that person and the relationship that that person has with you. They’re always the same. So, when we can kind of play out, these are our own personal movies together and kind of show the other person what my movie looks like. The other person will be your biggest cheerleader. So, that’s amazing.

Thank you, Enrique, for really distinguishing and really unpacking that because I have found and agree that there’s so much power when we can really be in the ownership. Here’s what my tenderness looks like. Here’s what my challenge looks like. Here’s what I know and what’s been familiar to me. And here’s what I’m growing into. And here’s how I got that activated, or I felt triggered around it or whatever it is. And here’s what’s up for me, right? 

There’s such a willingness, and it can be incredibly terrifying to show those things right when they don’t seem lovable, or sexy, or any, you know, whatever we might think it should be. It’s counterintuitive. It’s where our person leans in more often than not, or most of the time, right? Because they’re feeling you, they’re seeing you and responding. And that depth of visibility creates a lot of intimacy. So, thank you for sharing that. It’s really beautiful. I think it’s beautiful. 

Oh, thank you. And yeah, that’s where our power lies. That’s where our power lies. When you’re learning leadership, for example, you’re taught, “Learn to be vulnerable.” You’re just this asshole who wants to get from point A to point B? Right? Be vulnerable. Let people see what you’re about. Let them know that you have your own battles. And you have your own goals. You get sad too. And yeah, the more you show that, the more power that you have to create it to lead.

Right. And shows a willingness to do the work and trust the process. The growth that comes from that is profound. Enrique, is there anything else that you want to say in what we’ve talked about here today that you want to mention before we start pivoting to how people can get connected to you and what you’re offering?

Yeah, just make a real habit of going inside. Anytime I feel anything, just try to ask about these emotions that we get sometimes, these conflicts that we feel. “Okay, so what are you going to teach me?” Just make a habit of going inside, going within. Going within and just connecting with yourself and asking, “Okay, so how can I give myself more of this that I believe I’m lacking?” And that will just make such a huge difference in your life in so many aspects.

A quick follow-up. Do you tend to recommend, or do you have a personal preference? Is it in meditation? Is it with a journal? Is it just through contemplation? Is there a way that you like for that slowing down and really being still?

Actually, no preference because I do different things. I like meditation sometimes. I like contemplation sometimes. Sometimes I’ll just try to meditate with my eyes open when I’m doing whatever it is that I’m doing. Just try to be super present, super feeling the moment, and feel how to like; I imagine wind or water just taking away whatever’s not needed for me to be here and now. If that’s yoga for you, that’s awesome. If that’s meditation, if that’s contemplation, journaling, whatever gets you really present with yourself is awesome. 

Beautiful. Well, what would you like to invite or encourage people to connect with that you’re offering?

Okay, so most of everything I do is in Spanish. That’s important. But you can find me online on my social media as Enrique Delgadillo. Or if you go on Instagram, I am @KikeDelgadillo because that’s what we call in Spanish Enrique. That’s where you can connect with me. That’s where you can find me. And if you like Spanish stuff, well, that’s where you can find all my work.

I actually have a few Spanish native speaking clients. I know there are several listeners that are Spanish speaking, and I know they also speak English. Hence, being able to consume the English-speaking versions. So, I love that you’re teaching this work. And so, what might people find on your website or what you’re offering via social media?

You can find a lot of content. We upload a lot of content. We post a lot of stuff. Most of it is on how to create a better relationship with ourselves and with our environment through 5D energy. Not just in a relationship but with money also, how to create more intimacy and more connection with our significant other through this 5D Consciousness. So, that kind of stuff. 

Okay, great. So, you have a lot of content, a YouTube channel, and all your social media. It sounds like there are tons to engage with there.

Yeah, a lot of it. I mean, every day, we’re posting stuff. I’ve been posting stuff for the past ten years. So, if you dig deep, you can find a lot of stuff there.

Wow. And are you writing books? Are you teaching workshops? Are you working with clients?

Yeah. Actually, I’ve been doing a lot of workshops lately. I’m doing a lot of online masterclasses and a lot of courses. I recently published a book. I had my book published in January. It’s called Navegar en tiempos de tormentas. I’m hoping to get it translated into English sometime. But yeah, that’s what we’re up to now.

Oh, I love it. I love it. I love it. Well, I’ll make sure to have these links on today’s show notes. Enrique Delgadillo, thank you so much for being with us here today.

Oh, Jessica. Thank you for having me on. It’s been a pleasure. It’s been a great conversation. So, thank you.

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Dr. Jessica Higgins ~ Relationship and Transformational Coaching