ERP 370: Steps To Reduce Stagnation In Relationship — An Interview With Abi Singh

By Posted in - Podcast May 2nd, 2023 2 Comments

Are you feeling like your relationship has hit a plateau? Perhaps you and your partner have been together for a while and things just don’t seem to be moving forward. Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

Maintaining a healthy and happy relationship can be a challenging task, even for the most committed couples. Over time, relationships can hit a stagnant point where both partners feel disconnected, bored, or unfulfilled. Fortunately, there are steps that can be taken to avoid that.

In this episode, Abi Singh and Dr. Jessica Higgins shares valuable insights and tips on how to reignite the spark in a relationship and prevent it from fading away. From effective communication to prioritizing self-care, these tips can help bring your relationship back to life.

So if you’re ready to take action and bring some excitement back into your love life, listen to the full episode.

Abi Singh is a life coach and relationship expert. Abi helps couples find balance and prioritize intimacy so that they can effectively make key decisions that will positively impact their relationships. Abi and her husband live on the beautiful island of Grenada and run their restaurant business, which they co-founded in 2017.

In this Episode

6:52 Abby’s personal experience in an intercultural marriage.

8:58 How to overcome stagnation in relationships after the honeymoon phase.

12:12 The importance of communication and intentionality in relationships: Avoiding the faux pas of relationship.

16:23 Overcoming misunderstandings and building a stronger connection.

21:53 The importance of communication and comprehension in relationships.

25:21 Creating happy habits to strengthen relationships.

30:13 Strategies for having difficult conversations in relationships.

36:34 Nurturing lasting love: Building strong relationships through relational skills and practices.

41:29 Upcoming workshop for couples to rebuild their connection.

Your Check List of Actions to Take

  • Communicate openly and honestly: Create a safe space to share your thoughts, feelings, and desires with each other, without fear of judgment or rejection.
  • Prioritize self-care and personal growth.
  • Create new experiences together such as traveling, trying new hobbies, or even just exploring new restaurants or neighborhoods.
  • Practice gratitude: Expressing gratitude for each other and the relationship can help couples feel more connected and appreciative of each other.
  • Address any unresolved issues or conflicts.
  • Work on setting and achieving shared goals. This can be anything from personal goals to relationship goals, such as planning a future together or working towards a common interest or passion.

Mentioned

Relationship Map To Happy, Lasting Love

Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication

Connect with Abi Singh

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/abi-singh-73572a41

Instagram: instagram.com/coachabisingh

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship 

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins 

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation 

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins 

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins 

Website: drjessicahiggins.com  

Email: [email protected]

About Today’s Show

Abi, thank you for joining us here today.

Thank you for having me. It’s a pleasure!

Yeah, I’ve been enjoying meeting you and just talking a little bit. I appreciate your heart, and your smile, and your passion for helping people and navigating relationship. One of the things that we’re going to be talking about today is stagnation, and how that sometimes perhaps when we’re not expecting it, or just the gravitational pull, maybe taking people for granted. I’m curious what you would say about what leads to that in relationship. But before we turn towards that topic, what would you like people to know about you or where you’re coming from?

Well, thank you again. I think that’s a wonderful topic, the stagnation in relationships. I think it’s a huge topic. But I would definitely want people to know that I am a wife. My husband is from India. I’m from Grenada. So I am part of intercultural relationship, which has had its ups and downs, and it has taught me so many things about being in a relationship, which I use my experience and my education to help couples, just like me, navigate the trials, the tribulations, the ups, the downs, the lefts, the rights, about relationship. I currently live on the island of Grenada, and we run a small restaurant here in Grenada as well. So we are both co-founders, entrepreneurs, and husband and wife.

That’s a lot to negotiate.

Yeah. So I am really proud of the work that we’ve done together. So I am in the business of helping couples. That’s my passion, that’s what I love.

I just want to reflect that you’re really sharing personally, that you’ve had a huge commitment in your own life and your own marriage to practice these principles, and just straddling two cultures, and what that takes to be really aware and conscious of in cultivating intimacy when we have different perspectives. That’s not always an easy thing. 

Yeah, let’s turn towards the topic of stagnation. Tell me a little bit more about where you’re coming from with that topic.

When I say stagnation, for me, in relationships, and I see this very often. Dr. Jessica, I see a lot of people, after some time, obviously when the honeymoon is over, and we look at each other as man, and I’m just saying that of any couple, you find that there’s a point in a relationship when it’s reality. It’s you going to work every day, you having to make sacrifices, you having to spend time. You might be indifferent; you might have a lot of different activities that you are part of. Or you might just be somebody who is very laid back, while your partner is something else, maybe more outgoing. 

“You find that after some time, once the honeymoon stage is over, we get to a stage where we’re moving steady. But maybe there’s no excitement.”

So we start to feel like, okay, what’s happening here? We start to question ourselves. We start looking at our past, like, “Oh, I was so outgoing, I used to do so many different things. Or I did marry this person, and I thought that spark and that extroverted personality is what I wanted. But at the end of the day, I’m a homebody, I just want to stay on the couch or watch TV.” 

So I would say, those little scenarios, they speak to us in our heads. If we don’t talk about it, we are just going to be going with emotion, and after a while, the relationship feels like it’s a chore. It feels like, “Do I have to be doing this? Do I have to speak? Do I have to communicate? Can I just do my own thing?” It really puts a pressure, and it makes the relationship just feel like a drag. I find that with couples, when this happens, the first thing we want to do is run towards the exit door. We find that it’s the easier way, the safest way. Because we don’t want to do the work to get our relationship back to that connection, back to that stage when it was fire, and it was hot, and it was exciting. So the stagnation, for me, I feel is that phase after the honeymoon, after you meet, you greet, you learn about the person, and then there’s nothing. So I speak to that when I talk about stagnation.

Thank you for spelling that out. I think we can all relate in the development of just natural stages in relationship. It almost sounds to me as though this is really helping people confront maybe expectations, that are finding this person that we feel so well-suited with or matched with, that it just then sustains itself. You’re saying actually, this requires a little bit more intentionality, that we don’t just rely on it and lean on it as if it’s self-sustaining. Is that right?

Oh my gosh, you have nailed it! That is exactly right. How we perceive, and in our minds, whatever expectations we had in the beginning, if that is not put to the table, Dr. Jessica, your partner is not going to know what you’re thinking, they don’t know how you’re feeling. They can only find out if you speak it, if you express it. I mean, I don’t know about you and your marriage, but these are things you talk about when you meet somebody. “Hey, what is your future plan? What do you hope to get out of this relationship?” I mean, you may not say it like that, but you talk about it as friends. Oh my God, this just brings me back to that feeling of being in friendship with. That’s that early stage I was talking about, when you are friends with your partner. You can tell them anything, you can talk about anything, and it feels right, it feels normal. But when the expectation is something and you’re mute about it, then how do you expect them to know? Then it becomes a whole thing, and it’s a fight for whatever it was that we were expecting and we didn’t get it, and then we become resentful to our partners. Absolutely. That’s what I call the faux pas of relationship, the relationship killer.

Yes. I’m hearing you, and it sounds like there’s a couple of things involved in what you’re describing. One of which is, in the beginning stages, this person is new, and we’re open, and it’s uncharted territory, we’re excited; we want to learn, and we’re interested and curious. Once we get into the routines, and like you said, when the romance stage settles, all the neurochemicals settle, then we sometimes can assume; we stop asking the questions, we stop being as interested and curious, and we think we know. That can be a huge block to continuing to cultivate this juicy spark and interest. 

So I’ll give you an example to touch on what you just said. So one of the couples that I’ve coached in the past, that same thing came up, in the sense that the female, she was an entrepreneur, she had her own business, and her partner was working corporate. She thought, “Okay, I’m going to beef up my business, I’m going to make sure I put in the work and I make an effort. Because I’m thinking, more money coming into our lives is going to be helpful for us financially, future wise.” But her partner saw it as “I don’t get to spend time with my wife, she’s always busy. I come home, and she’s working. I leave, she’s working.” You see the expectation that is different there. She’s expecting him to understand that this is going to be beneficial for us financially. But she’s not understanding that yes, you want a future, but say, “Hey, honey, I think this year, let’s work on building a financial future for ourselves. Here’s what I’m thinking that we could do, and you let me know what you think.” You know what I mean, so everybody’s on board. But that didn’t happen. They’re all thinking in their head, different things, and not sharing it, not communicating it. It just led to one day, they’re having to speak to somebody about it.

It’s almost this interpretation of one another, that we’re maybe perceiving it’s landing in a way that might be very different than the person’s intention. This brings me to the second thing I’m hearing you say is, perhaps we’re having these questions or these doubts or feeling hurt, and we’re not talking about it. It’s hard to broach these or bring these topics up, and when we don’t talk about it, this is where they accumulate and build and become bigger issues.

Oh yes, that is correct. That is absolutely correct. I think when you find that you can’t talk to your partner, that is when you need to realize that, “No, something is definitely wrong, that we can’t have a conversation about it.”

We can take issue with each other’s behavior. Like, criticizing, “Oh, you’re working so much, where are you?” This and that. Then she might be thinking, “Why are you getting on my case? Look at all these things that I’m doing, I don’t feel your appreciation for our vision or the goal that I’m really trying to work towards.” So that can get into that negative cycle where people are criticizing.

Exactly, criticizing the decisions that they’re making internally. 

“That comes back to our expectations of our partners; we expect that they should understand. But we forget that they’re also human, and they’re part of this.”

This is a team. This is a union. It’s not me versus you. Or I do my thing, you do your thing, and then we just meet in the middle. No, it’s so much more than that. Like in my relationship, I can give you an example, I think, based on the attachment styles, I have a fearful-avoidant style. There was a point in our lives when we were fighting all the time. I was fighting because I wanted him to get where I was coming from, and he wasn’t seeing it that way. Part of the fight was me fighting for the relationship. But I just didn’t know I was fighting the wrong battle. I was like, “I don’t want to lose this guy. But at the same time, why is he not getting me?” I mean, culture had a lot to do with it, background had a lot to do with it; how we work, our scheduling and everything, how we worked had a lot to do with it. But I was fearful that I was going to lose him, and still, I was fighting.

He probably didn’t see that your fight was really about wanting connection and really wanting to maintain the bond.

Right. He thought that, I don’t want to say it, but that I was being just stubborn, and I just wanted to fight. You don’t want to, especially when you have that person who you really care for. You don’t want to. But I probably didn’t know how to communicate it well. I think that’s what it was.

I think this is largely what we all encounter that’s hugely surprising, that when we really start getting attached and love someone, it becomes that much more threatening, so much more is at stake. So we might be feeling and doing things that surprise us, because we feel that threat or we feel afraid, of losing them, or feeling rejected, not being good enough, these type of things. So it’s really common that we don’t send a clear cue. Like, “I’m afraid to lose you, or I don’t know how to be in this unknown place with you,” whatever it might be. That’s a hard thing to send over.

Oh my, I appreciate that you said that! Because I think that looking back at it now, that was probably what was happening. I was fearful because I am in a different stage now that we’ve done something to, like, build a business. So love now has really taken a different level of connection. Here is this beautiful thing that we’re creating, but yet still, there’s turbulences; we are fighting against what we were building.

Yes, I can relate to that myself. I raise my hand with you, that when things get more, like I invest more, or I feel more is at stake, I feel more vulnerable, and it’s easier to feel more threatened or feel the risk of it, and it’s easy to want to protect. So the thing I’m hearing you speak to is, how do we really come to the table and have conversations? Because even with the couple’s example that you mentioned, if people are in pursuit of different values, it can be total miscommunication, be taken as an insult or an injury, when really, people just don’t understand what the goals are for each. They could just be entirely different goals.

Absolutely. I think in all relationships, and I coach my clients as well, to expect that there will be turbulences. But it’s what we do in the situation, and how we find breakthroughs in the situation, that is going to propel us into an even deeper connection with our partners. 

“Because we all say one of the ways that you can improve your relationship is to communicate. But I also think that, and I will add to that is, comprehension is also the missing piece of it. It’s something that we don’t say much of.”

Because you can communicate something, but is that person really comprehending what you’re saying, or comprehending what it is that you truly mean? Because I tell them all the time, I say, it has to be a two-way understanding. It has to be two ways. Sometimes I do this really cute exercise. Sometimes I say, close your eyes, and talk about how you feel. Don’t look at the person. Don’t get distracted with what they’re wearing, if they’re smiling, they’re not smiling. Just close your eyes and say how you feel, and let that person hear you. Because they have nothing to distract them. All they will take in is what you are saying. I mean, it does get a little bit deep when we do this exercise. But I love it because it’s something that in the moment, you can only feel it in the moment.

Yes, it’s a great invitation. I really love that you’re speaking to this. Because so often things are happening so, so fast, and when we’re observing our partner, their nonverbals, the interaction, it’s highly triggering sometimes. So when we can just tune in to our inner world, we have a little bit more access, like you said, to not be distracted. But also, a little bit more connection, and then we can hopefully reveal a little bit more. That’s likely going to help the understanding and the communication, to your point.

Definitely, I’m happy you get it. Because I feel like it’s so important, and it helps in terms of couples who are at the point where, as I said, the honeymoon phase has ended, and you’re stagnant, and you are kind of in the rocky stage. You want to understand, like, what happened, why did we get to this point, how can we fix it? As you said, without the triggers, without being distracted by what’s happening around you, you are then able to listen and comprehend what the person is saying. To the point where you get it and you’re like, “Oh, this is what you were saying all the time, I never got that. I was not able to understand you. I thought this was what you meant, or I thought this was what you were feeling.” Dr. Jessica, I don’t know if you get this all the time, but I feel like we get misunderstood so many times, even the verbal language that we use.

I know. One of the things I’m thinking, Abi, as you’re talking, is that there’s so much happening in an interaction. So the importance of perhaps slowing down and really asking these questions. Because when there are differences or there are conflicts, or people perceive things based on cultural differences, or even just backgrounds, there’s so much that people could be in very different places, or just have a totally different meaning about it. So to slow down and really unpack it. It’s not always easy or convenient, or even really that practical, if we’re running a business, and we’re serving, or whatever we’re doing that is helping deliver the restaurant in the way that you want to. It’s not always viable to have that conversation. But to create space for it, and to slow down and pick that thread back up. It’s not easy to do.

Yeah. I feel like you have to be strong mentally, and you have to want it. 

“You have to desire a relationship that is built on a friendship, that is built on shared values and expectation. The moment you start to drift, and you start to allow outside factors and other people, or maybe social media, to influence you, is when you lose focus and lose sight of your relationship altogether.”

I know during the pandemic, we were all stuck at home, when we were forced to share spaces together when we were not used to, that would have either helped it, or it would have really destroyed it. I think that if you are strong in your relationship with you, this is what you want, this is what you desire, this person makes you happy. This person may not be perfect, but they have something that is tying the knot or keeping the relationship glued, then this is worth it. Go for it, fight for it! Because to be in a world without somebody that you care for could be very lonely.

Totally. How do you help people stay connected to this? Because I do think it can be easy to focus on the things that are challenging or difficult, and maybe omit or take for granted the things that are real strengths? How do you encourage people to stay connected to that?

One of the things that I do in my business is, I help customers create habits. I always tell them, “Don’t write a list of 10 things. Don’t write a list of a whole page. Just start with one thing.” I call it the one happy habit. It’s easy because it’s just one thing, and it’s a quick win. So for example, if you are a stay-at-home mom, or you are the one that works and your other partner stays at home, one of the things that I say is, for example, I’ll ask them, what is something that you really like doing or your partner really likes doing? They always go back to their love language. Sometimes their love language is touch, they like to be touched, or they like talking. So I said, if your love language is communication and talking, what’s a habit you can do? Some of them have some cute habits. They want to spend just two minutes, just having a little conversation about how you’re feeling in the morning. I said, let’s try this for one day. Let’s try this tomorrow. They’ll try it, they’ll love it. I said, how are you feeling after that? They said, I love it. I said, let’s try it for another day. This time, let’s try it for two days. These are the little breakthroughs that we start seeing. You do it for a week, and it becomes a habit. This is what you do now, like we’re doing this. I love that they’ve taught me how to include your love language into habits, I didn’t even think about that. But I was like, this is fantastic, we can just do it by what our partner appreciates and loves. It’s vice versa, it doesn’t have to be just one-way. It’s vice versa. So, quick wins.

No kidding! That can be such a resilient thing to incorporate. If we can access this love, this filling the cup, so to speak, or having love in the bank, then it can be motivating to want to protect the bond, or turn towards our partner, or take emotional risk and tell them some of the things that are difficult, and hopefully, get to a better resolution.

I love that. 

“I think when you tell people to do so many different things at once, it can be a little bit overwhelming. So you’ve got to break it down to, sometimes, just a one-minute task, or one thing that you can do to just switch it up and make it exciting, or do something special that they don’t expect.”

I love that. The little breakthroughs, they’re coming, and as you said, they’re filling my cup.

Yes, right. It’s definitely got a positive cycle. It’s synergistic. It builds. It’s motivating and inspiring. Well, are we getting at what feels important as it relates to stagnation? You’re speaking about how to stay awake, not just get into the routine, and be willing to turn towards one’s partner to have difficult conversations, to have that courage, and seek to have more understanding. Not to assume your partner operates the same way that you do, or that it means the same thing. I’m reflecting this back, and I realize I haven’t asked you. Is there anything that you support people to have those difficult conversations?

You mean something they can practice? 

Yeah. In relationship, like if they notice they’re questioning, or bothered, or feeling like they’re having a hard time, like in your example, the wife that was working and the husband that wanted more time together, how do you support? Or what do you encourage people to do to have those difficult conversations?

Oh, yeah. Well, let’s get back to that couple. So we had a conversation, we talked about it. One of the ways that we’ve done work with them is that we have encouraged them to leave sticky notes. Leave a note. This was our beta that we did with this couple. This was beta, but it worked in the sense that you probably don’t want to say it, but you can write it down, and you can leave it there. It’s almost as if you’re doing it, but you’re not doing it in the way that it’s daunting. So you leave a note, “Hey, can we talk today, seven o’clock? Or hey, I’d really love for us to get together, go for dinner.” Whatever the note is. Because sometimes we don’t want to say it, but we can write it down and leave it. 

It’s more doable. 

Yeah. Because then you can just leave it when they’re not watching, and you can go out the door, and you know that they’ve seen it, and everybody knows that seven o’clock, we’re going to have a conversation. So these are the little steps that we worked with this couple in encouraging them to have that conversation. I’ve tried it. I’ve done it myself, and I’ve done it in text as well. This is something that I feel is working, it has worked. We’ve tried to incorporate it when it does get difficult to open up. You don’t want a situation, Dr. Jessica, where you’re washing dishes, and all of a sudden, you want to go into a full-blown conversation about something that’s bothering you. Another thing that I encourage them to do is, if you’re angry about something and your head is hot, as I say, I don’t encourage them to talk about it right away. Because your emotions, whatever is happening and going on with you, it may come out, not the way that you want it to, and you might get the opposite reaction from your partner.

Exactly. Like you mentioned, your own experience of feeling like maybe your husband might have seen it as stubborn. But really, in the inside, you were wanting connection, but it looked like maybe you were fighting. But really, the goal was to really be for the relationship. I love the Post-it note, and this is why I love it is because it doesn’t offer a lot of room for this whole story. It’s short, and in some ways, it asks people to get really clear, like, what is the thing that I’m really wanting them to hear? If I’m hearing you correctly, Abi, it sounds like it’s not so scary that we can be maybe a little more vulnerable, because it’s not so direct and scary. Like, we can put it on a note and know that they’ll see it. Is that right?

And you feel good. Because you feel like okay, I’ve made the first step, or I’ve done something to bring us further along. Yes, you can feel anxious, because you know, “Okay, time is coming, we need to talk.” But at the same time, this is what you wanted.

It sounds like, too, if we can catch some of these things before they accumulate, it can be so much easier to have connection and understanding. When it gets layered and layered, then it gets so much more complicated, and maybe a lot more resentment. It’s gotten so much further down the road, that it can feel a lot more difficult to resolve.

Absolutely, you’re so right. You don’t want to get to that phase.

No, and it’s easy. You talked earlier about when we don’t open up to our partner, and we withhold, it can sometimes create this wedge, and then it’s easier and easier to not turn towards them. So it’s almost like that gap and that wedge gets bigger and bigger, and then that disconnect gets bigger and bigger.

The disconnect gets bigger. Just to add to that, also, the opportunity comes up where when we go back to expectation, we start viewing, and the negative thoughts come in and feed us. Like, we can’t see them as they were before. Because we’re now consumed by these negative thoughts and these negative self-beliefs are so far from the truth.

No kidding! It’s dangerous.

Tell me about it.

Don’t we know! Well, I’m curious. I wish we had more time. I know we had some internet challenges in the start. So as we’re looking at stagnation, we’ve talked a lot. But the two big nuggets I’m getting from you are really to turn towards these moments that feel conflictual, maybe like we’re on different pages, and really address that in any doable way, whether or not it’s a Post-it note, or scheduling through a text, or some way to engage to have more understanding. You’re also talking about the second part is, being in service of the love, continuing to nurture that, whether or not it’s one positive habit of cultivating connection. Am I hearing you?

Oh my God, you have it spot on! 

“I think this is the recipe for a relationship that has a lot of potential, is that you’re going to be tested, but will be able to ride over these challenges and make it through forever.”

Because the love is there, and the foundation is there, and the willingness to take it to strong undefeated love is there. You’ve got to be able to say to yourself that my relationship is worth it. 

These are practices. It’s like, we don’t ever stop doing a healthy practice, whether or not it’s getting a certain amount of sleep at night, or moving our body. These are things that in order to be in health, we continue to practice, and we get stronger when we do them. So when we build these relational skills, it does take some intention and energy. But it is really worth it, like you’re saying, we all long for this connection. But you qualified this type of lasting love that is unbreakable almost.

I mean, I can’t remember what I said. But it’s almost as if it’s something that is undefeated.

Yes, we’re so much stronger when we really practice these skills. Rather than not testing them and hoping that we don’t encounter one of those bumps, but that’s likely not going to happen.

Yeah. I’m thinking about another couple that I worked with, who really looked at the exercises that we did, and they were surprised. One of the comments that the male partner said to me was that he said, “I came in here thinking, they’re going to tell us what we’re supposed to do, and we go home, we do it.” He said, but I didn’t expect that I had to share my feelings. His partner shared her feelings, and he was taken aback. You would think that these are the conversations that they’re having every day, but it wasn’t. He was surprised. He was like, “Wow, I didn’t know that. I didn’t know that’s how you were feeling, or that’s how you wanted to be felt. You want me to be there more. You want me to make you feel like you’re the woman for me, the only woman for me.” We all want to feel that. We all want to feel like we’re the only one for them. Sometimes, that want is never communicated. Because we probably say, “Oh, I don’t want to be too pushy or too upfront, and they might take it the wrong way.” So we hold back, not knowing that all it takes is for the person to know about it.

It’s creating a space that feels safe to engage, to really go deeper and share these things. So I love what you’re doing. How do people get in touch with you? It sounds like you have a LinkedIn.

I definitely would say LinkedIn, my full name Abi Singh on LinkedIn. Look for me there. I post three times a week, I share advices, I share examples. I have a workshop that I’m working on right now. It’s going to be amazing. It’s going to be for couples who are in committed relationships, who are thinking about marriage, who have been together for a long time and really just want to re-build that connection, or find out what it is that they need to get it to a different phase. I don’t know, maybe I can share it with your audience when it’s out.

Yes. Please send us the link, and I’ll be happy to post it on the show notes for that to be easily accessible. So LinkedIn is the best way to find you, to learn about what you’re sharing, what the latest and greatest that you’re doing. Well, is there anything else that you want to say before we sign off here?

I just want to say thank you for having me. It’s been a pleasure. I think that we all have talents and skills that we need to share to the world. I think what we are doing, myself and you, in the relationship base, is so important and so needed. So thank you so much for having this platform for me to share, and for us to be connected. Because even in a podcast, we build relationships.

Yes, we do. We totally do. I equally feel similar, that everyone has a different voice and a different way to help people, and just to be in guidance of this practice and in service of these connections, and cultivating long-lasting loving relationships. Thank you for being here and sharing your wisdom with us.

My pleasure!

Signing Off

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(2) awesome folk have had something to say...

  • tdchinges - Reply

    May 4, 2023 at 1:27 am

    I think it will be easier for two people with similar personalities to get along. There is no need to deliberately consider the feelings of the other party to change your behavior.

    • Dr. Jessica Higgins - Reply

      July 7, 2023 at 2:19 pm

      Hi Tdchinges,

      Thank you for taking the time to comment. I hear you. In general, when people have similar perspectives, values, outlooks and goals, there will less to unpack, flush out and negotiate. At the same time, each individual is unique and any couple will have differences that require attention and intention to work through together. Research out of the Gottman Institute states that every couple has at least 7 major differences (i.e. the extrovert/introvert, spender/saver, spontaneous/planner, expressive/contained, on time/late, etc). In my opinion, the path of intimacy requires partners to work together to co-create relationship and work together to generate win-win solutions that serve them both. What do you think?

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