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When was the last time you felt a sinking feeling just thinking about money? For many, money is far more than just numbers in a bank account—it's tangled up with our emotions, childhood experiences, and even our closest relationships. All too often, conversations around money get swept under the rug, leaving us to battle our financial stress and shame alone. But what if unraveling these hidden money wounds is the key to building stronger connections—with ourselves and with others?

In this episode, listeners are invited to reimagine their relationship with money and begin addressing the emotional baggage attached to it. Through relatable stories and practical examples, this conversation explores how early money memories shape our beliefs and behaviors, and impact how we communicate with partners, friends, and even our kids. You'll learn actionable steps to identify your own “money story,” bridge differences in financial perspectives, and move from feelings of shame or avoidance to a place of security and mutual understanding. If you’re ready to make money a tool for connection rather than conflict, this episode offers a roadmap for transforming anxiety into empowerment.

Shari Rash is a nationally recognized financial advisor, money mindset expert, and the host of Everyone's Talkin' Money—named a Top 4 money podcast by The New York Times, with over 24 million downloads.

Shari breaks down complex financial topics into real-life conversations that empower women to own their worth and build lasting wealth. She’s been named a 2024 Best Wealth Manager and Advisor Under 40 by InvestmentNews.

Episode Highlights

04:40 How sharing money struggles brings us closer.

07:59 Understanding money personalities in romantic relationships.

10:08 Unpacking money conflicts: Addressing deeper needs in couples.

13:58 Creating compromises and shared financial goals in partnership.

17:20 Exploring childhood money memories and their lasting impact.

22:36 Real couple example: Money stories shaping habits and choices.

24:51 Turning financial difficulties into relationship growth.

26:57 The healing power of monthly money conversations.

31:28 Moving from money shame to practical, empowered choices.

38:26 Making spending intentional and aligning with values.

41:47 Reflection questions to deepen your money relationships.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

• Reflect on your earliest money memory to uncover potential beliefs and wounds about finances.
• Initiate regular, open conversations about money with your partner or friends without sharing private details.
• Identify your and your partner’s “money personality” (saver, spender, hoarder, YOLO) to better understand differences in financial habits.
• Practice vulnerability by sharing concerns or challenges related to money to strengthen intimacy and support.
• Set a realistic number that feels comfortable for your checking account and use it as your “zero” baseline.
• Build an emergency fund by calculating three to six months of expenses and agreeing on the right amount for your household.
• Align spending habits with your core values and make intentional choices that reflect what matters most to you.
• Create structured, positive money check-ins with your partner, starting each meeting with wins or appreciations to foster connection.

Mentioned

12 Relationship Principles to Strengthen Your Love (free guide)

Connect with Shari Rash

Websites: everyonestalkinmoneypodcast.com | gwawealth.com

X: x.com/MoneyChicShari

YouTube: youtube.com/@EveryonesTalkinMoney

Instagram: instagram.com/everyonestalkinmoney

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/shari-rash

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If you have a topic you would like to be discussed, please contact us by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here. 

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Episode Transcript

Sheri, thank you for joining us. I'm excited about a conversation today. 

Thank you for having me. So am I. Yes. 

We are going to be collaborating, and I am grateful. Your previous host of the Everybody's Talking Money podcast was on the show not that long ago. I'll put the link in today's show notes. And we're going to be talking about wounds behind our wallets as far as it relates to money and relationships, and what we're experiencing. Where would you like to start? How do you support people, and what do you want people to know here? 

Yeah. I think the biggest thing is that everyone has junk when it comes to money. Everyone has a feeling around it. So you are not alone. But so often, because we're trained or taught that talking about money is taboo, we don't talk about it, and we just operate in a vacuum. And then our thoughts just get bigger and deeper, and our wounds get bigger, and it just becomes this whole thing. So you're not alone. Talking about money is so important. And I talk about money all day, every day. And I think that we think talking about money somehow means we're sharing our salary info. How much is in our bank accounts and our 401(k)’s? And that's not it at all. I have money conversations all day, every day, as I said, and that info is never released. So we can talk about money without giving personal details away. And I think that I sometimes miss a lot. 

And do you want to give a short example of how we can talk about money without disclosing very private financial information? 

Oh, my gosh. So, I mean, it's as simple as going out to dinner with your friends and going, Who else is so annoyed by how much groceries cost? I mean, this is crazy. You know, no one's going to go. I actually think they're very fairly priced, and I think it's fine. Everyone's going to commiserate there. Or, at the time we're recording this, it's back-to-school time. Like, spending $60, $70 for all of these school supplies that then get returned to you barely used, or do we have to buy the backpacks, the water bottles, the new lunchboxes every single year? Just all of that. So, just talking about all of that or finding someone else's perspective on it is a way to talk about money without even saying anything personal about yourself. 

And what do you think that does for communities, friendships, relationships? As we talk about intimate relationships here, how is that helpful? 

Oh, it's super helpful. It can only help you deepen a relationship, in my opinion, especially if you do become a little bit vulnerable. Like, I spent a lot of time on the show, talking about maybe ways to save money or ways to bring up money with friends without putting so much on the table, but just putting enough. Like, for example, 

And it's like, I don't really feel like spending $75 on brunch or, like, I don't really like this restaurant, but I want to be with my friends. Well, you're probably not alone. There's probably someone else in the friend group who is also going out that feels the same way. 

So just by saying, like, hey, guys, how about we do a potluck brunch? Like, everyone bring a French toast, casserole, and whatever over to my house, and let's just hang out here and, like, let's save a couple bucks. It's very rare. Would you go? No. I really wanted to go out to brunch, and this is what I, you know, everyone just wants to be together. And by saying, like, hey, I'm just trying to save a couple bucks right now. Can we do this here? Or here's an alternative. It still achieves what everyone wants, which is to be together and have fun together. And you don't have the $75 bill at the end. And you could probably even hang out longer and be more comfortable than a server trying to, you know, turn the tables over. 
So I think just by doing things like that or saying like “Man,  my daughter wants a new backpack for school, but I really don't feel like buying her a new backpack”. This one's perfectly fine. Or like, “it's kind of annoying how these kids just expect us to buy stuff all the time and say that kind of stuff to a friend”. You're not going to be alone. I guarantee it. You are not going to be alone. Then they're going to share something. And that relationship's only going to get deeper because now you're sharing things that you definitely don't share with other people, because

Absolutely. Thank you for giving some examples. And I particularly like the brunch example in that it's presenting another option. It's giving a solution that also supports the needs that everybody else has. Likely, if that's the purpose, it is for us to connect and get together, and also just give some time and space to express challenges. Right. There are ways in which we all feel challenged and especially in parenthood and back-to-school time, and the demands of that and just the transition. So to be able to make a bit more visible that not everything's just perfect and great. 

Right. 

That we can show, as you said, some more vulnerability here that allows for more support to be given. I believe that if everything's great, we're kind of putting up a little bit of a barrier that, like, I need nothing, everything's great, and I'm dialed in, which I appreciate people want to strive for. And also, you know, this is where I think Brenea Brown did such beautiful work around. Vulnerability is like, that's where we feel love. And connection isn't when it's all great and convenient and beautiful. It's when things are more challenging that we feel that responsiveness and more connection. 

It's like the equivalent, you know, the first time when you have a friend, and you're becoming close. And you go over their house for the first time when it's messy, or they come over your house for the first time when it's messy, and like, you're nervous, and it's like, oh, my gosh, my house is a mess, but I did not have time to clean it. What are they gonna think? And no one cares. You know, they just slide over the arts and crafts that are on the counter so they can put their drink down and like, who cares, right? No one cares. But then afterwards, you feel that much closer. Cause it's like, wow, they just saw the real me. They saw how I really live, and not me cleaning for five hours before I have a party or something like that. 

And that's what, you know, talking a little bit about money, that's what that is. That's showing “your messy house”. But again, you're not showing everything. You know, we're not saying, here's my bank account. Or it's just, hey, here's just a little insight into my life. And they're going to give a little insight into theirs, and you're going to be that much closer afterwards, right? 

And that's how we deepen intimacy, for sure. And, speaking of intimacy, any examples you have here around romantic, adult relationships, intimate relationships, around talking about money, and how that's helpful, probably could be the whole episode, right? 

That could be many episodes. What I will say is that everyone has a different money personality. And, put on some very basic ones, and you can Google it. I kind of have my own names for them. But Spender, Saver. No one says this anymore, but the YOLO, You Only Live Once, so it's like they justify, “you can't take it with you” kind of thing. A Money Hoarder. So someone who just keeps on collecting money, and they can't ever have enough of it. Spender, Saver. So someone who does both, they save and spend. And it's kind of erratic that way or unpredictable. And it's very rare that two Savers get married or are in a relationship together. It's usually the Spender and the Saver who are the ones in the relationship together. 

Or even worse, a Hoarder and a YOLO are partners. So when it comes to your relationship, you have to understand how your partner thinks about money. And often what they're saying isn't necessarily what they mean. Like, you spend so much money, it may just be, I'm insecure because I don't feel like we have enough saved. But they're saying, instead, you spend so much money, it's really getting too deep into what money was like when they grew up? Did they feel less than? Did they hear their parents argue about money? Were they told they can't afford things? Or conversely, was money never brought up, or did they never want for anything? They had everything given to them or handed to them? Whatever it is, you need to understand that, because that's what shapes your and your partner's relationship with money and your money personality. 

So by understanding that first and often, we never understand that. We only fight about money or get insulted and get upset because they're throwing accusations or whatever, or we never have enough with all of that. 

I agree that this turns the attention less to the complaint, but more to the underlying need. And that typically, if we aren't aware of the thing that we're needing or really feeling, maybe insecure around, then we can point to all the reasons and not really address the deeper need. And so if partners can start talking about those deeper needs, right. If you weren't spending all the money, what would that allow me to feel? I feel more secure, or I feel more at ease and relaxed, and that we have enough in our emergency savings fund or whatever the things are. And what does it mean to be like, if you're, you never spend any money, and like, what would it mean if you have your partner spend some money, what would that allow you to feel? Right. 

These usually, as you said, connect with deeper needs or deeper longings. And to start talking about that's a much more productive conversation because, as you said, we can get into this criticism defensiveness loop, which usually is off track, and we're not even talking about what matters anyway. 

Yeah, exactly. By understanding that, like, oh, you're not mad at me because I'm spending a lot of money, you feel insecure, which, we also kind of have to know our audience, but it's like, are you feeling insecure because you don't feel like we have enough saved? Is that the problem? So, how much do you feel like we need to have saved? But then it's also, we also have to look at what's realistic because there are what I call money hoarders, who can never have enough money saved. Once they say, Well, I need $10,000 in the savings account, and everything will be fine. And then you hit the 10,000, and it's like, well, no, really, I wanted 15,000. That'll make me feel a lot better. Then you get to the 15. So there is a risk of that, too. 

So you have to be aware that this is the extreme, the money hoarding. But you could also create a compromise of saving for a goal. Like, “Okay, you know, math is telling us, dear, that we have plenty of money in our emergency fund. You know, and we can Google this, like, emergency fund, three to six months of expenses. So it could be three months, four months, five months, six months. If you're talking to someone who's more conservative and likes to have more savings, then, okay, what's six months? Calculate that number. So six times your monthly expenses, that's your emergency fund. Well, math is telling us, like, we have enough for an emergency. Like, something really bad would have to happen. Like, both of us losing our jobs at the same time, to have to use this money. There are so many things. 

Because even if we have an emergency, it's not going to use up all of it, likely, right? So we have enough saved in our emergency fund. Do you feel better if, like, we're planning a trip in six months, shall we start a travel savings account? And we start saving for the travel? So then we're prepared, and we can have a whole lot more fun than the cash is there when we come home, versus scrambling to pay the credit card bill. Would that feel better?” And kind of creating strategies that way that appease both parties, because both parties need to end up happy at the end. They need to feel like they gave up something, but they also need to feel like they're happy at the end, and they got some of what they asked for. So, coming up with a plan together. 

Because when we don't talk about money, we just end up in a vacuum, and we're just in our own thoughts. And we think we're right because there's no one challenging us. There's no one bringing a different perspective. So we think we're right. So the one that wants to save, they think they're right because they're like, we need to save money. We need to do this, we need to do that. They spend so much money, all of this, but there's no one challenging it. So you just think you're right and right and right. And then conversely, with the spender, it's like, “Well, you know, we needed this, we needed that, we needed this”. And all they want to do is save money, and that's no fun, and life is for living and all of that stuff. 

I'm so for the win. And it's not, to your point, easy to arrive. Sometimes we'll have to have multiple conversations. I mean, there are legitimately some topics that it took my husband and me maybe a year plus to actually get to a place of real understanding in the service of both of our needs around a little bit bigger topics. So one of the things that you do a lot to help people around is hidden money wounds and how this affects our belief system, and how it shows up. And I imagine in couplehood that we may be confronted with our partner holding up a mirror or presenting something to us that maybe we haven't looked at. As you said, perhaps we don't even know our money story, or really have taken inventory and how we operate and why we operate. 

Do you want to talk a little bit about how these hidden wounds show up and how to identify them and start working with them? 

Yes. So the quickest way to identify your wounds, everyone has them, if you have them, what is your first money memory? What's the first thing you can think of when I ask that question? And it doesn't necessarily have to be the first one, but it's like whatever memory comes to mind first. And that is going to tell you a lot about your relationship with money. If it was, you know, “I just remember my parents arguing about money, or my mom putting things on layaway, and I remember having to go to the store to pay the layaway, and it was so embarrassing. Or being told we can't afford that”. If it's that'll indicate, like, where you stand with money and could likely come from a negative place. Or like, “rich people are bad”. 

And you really get to sit in that for a second and reflect on it, because that has been playing in your head your whole life. Every time you have, you're dealing with money, which we do every day, multiple times a day, likely every time you deal with money, that thought is kind of circulating in the back of your head, and it's creating your relationship with money. So if it's, “you know, I heard my parents arguing about money, then that is your wound”. 

So it's “okay, well, money is not a good thing in a relationship”. Or “I felt like we never had enough. I grew up never having enough, so that's my wound. So I'm never gonna have enough, or if I have enough, it's still not enough”. Money's not a healthy thing to talk about in a relationship because it only creates arguments. You have to look at the starting point, like, where did it all start? Then you really just have to sit in and think and go, okay, how is that affecting me now going forward? 

So it's identifying a memory that comes up quickly and seeing if that memory is showing up in the current day and how that perhaps informs beliefs consciously or unconsciously, but also behaviors. And so if we can look at it and recognize that it likely has an aspect that shapes our relationship wound, perhaps oftentimes some of our most pivotal moments have pain around them. And if we call a memory that is early and has charge to it to some extent, then likely this is something we've had an imprint around or have a wound around, and that it's showing up. 

Yes, exactly. 

When I think back to early memories around money, what stands out is a feeling of money. When I wanted something, I remember sensing stress from my mother, even when she perhaps didn't say anything outright. And I think I absorbed this feeling that talking about money is stressful, or this sense that something's not okay. And it sounds like you're describing how these early money memories help shape our dynamic around money, and particularly in relationships. How do you help partners, couples start uncovering these hidden money stories? 

So when I work with my clients as a financial advisor, I can identify their spending, their money personality pretty quickly through the conversations. And initially, it's like, why are you here? You know, you don't just wake up on a Tuesday and go, I need a financial advisor. Like, things have to happen over time. And then maybe you had “the straw that broke the camel's back” to then go, we need help, right? What we're doing isn't working. So some of the initial questions when I'm working with my clients are like, “What brought you here? What's going on?” And that's when they just tell everything. That's like, well, let me tell you. And that's where through who's dominating the conversation. How is the story going? What happened in the story to make them reach out? 

I can figure out pretty quickly where they stand with money. So I'm just working with a couple recently, and he's the Saver, she's the Spender. And you know, he's just getting frustrated that there are just no savings. And her whole thing is like, “I could die tomorrow”. And “life is for living and is also expensive. Kids are expensive. And I feel guilty. I feel guilty that everyone else is going on vacation and we're not. So I never want my kids to be home like on a spring break”. And it's like, okay, so did you not ever go on vacation? Like, was that not something you had growing up? And how did that make you feel? And not wanting to repeat that with her children. So just from that little bit right there, and then she's like, 

“He's still wearing stuff from high school, he still has clothes from high school. So he's not comfortable saving a dollar cause he didn't grow up with much”. 

So it's like, “yeah, my shirt is still good. Twenty years later, it still works. And I feel weird buying stuff for myself because there are so many other things that feel selfish, and my money could go elsewhere”. 

So it's just like in that short five-minute introduction conversation, I already got to learn a lot about them. So then it's like, okay, well, how can we create plans that appease both of you? So, you know, traveling and giving her kids experiences is a priority. Okay. And he's all for that, but he also likes saving. 

So it's like, okay, let's first work on getting your emergency fund to where it needs to be. Because that is a necessity. Right? We need to. Because if something bad were to happen, we can't have you take on debt. So that's first and foremost. So how do we address that? Who knows if the children would really give them a hard time for not going away on spring break? This may be her own self-imposed guilt and all of that junk, right? So it's like, 

“I don't even know if. You don't have to address it. As a family, we went on our first spring break as a family. I have four kids this year, and every other spring break, it's like we did staycations, we found things where we lived, we had fun, they played with their friends, they got to sleep in, and it was great”. 

So like, “Are you creating this whole thing yourself in your head? So, okay, even if you say we're not gonna go on a trip this year, let's think of like three fun things we can do for a day trip or whatever”. 

Why aren't we going? Why?

Well, you know, we just think it's important as a family that we save money. And it's just as important as a family that we have money for emergencies as it is that we go on spring break. Like, that's just as if not even more important. 

So you can have these conversations with your kids, and you do have to be careful with the things that you say to your kids. And I can talk about that in a few minutes. 

So right there it's like, 

“Okay, is your own junk getting in the way of creating these scenarios in your head, and then, in turn, is it impacting your money? 

So, okay, everyone's on board with that because that makes complete sense. Then the next step is, well, traveling is a priority for you. Let's create a travel fund. Once the emergency fund gets to a good spot, and we all can agree on a number, because there are all different numbers. It can be. We all agree on a number. 

The next thing is, let's create a travel fund. So then, when you do go on vacation, you're going to have an even better time because you know you have the cash to cover it when all the credit card bills come in from the vacation. So it's appeasing the Spender because she still wants to go on vacation, but it's also appeasing the Saver because now he knows there's cash and we're not going to go on the vacation till we have the money to cover it, or we're going to create a plan to have the money cover it. 

Thank you for saying this. And I would imagine and just from my perspective, around the couple dynamic, that being able to be supportive for both people's needs or being able to hold space to look at. Where is this coming from? Is this a wound? Is this a limiting belief? Or how do we support each other to get to these wins? That's where partners feel the trust, they feel the respect, they feel the alliance, and the intimacy of working together. I have a client who comes to mind, and they're going through a divorce. I haven't met with her, and it was largely by his report, her seemingly going rogue and not upholding their financial agreements, spending a lot, and him feeling the children, a kind of sabotage type of thing. 

And it was very difficult to feel together or to feel this respect and trust. So I think it can be quite challenging both financially, as you said. Maybe people who you see are coming in and they've reached a point of difficulty and are needing support, and also relationally, the wounds that can get created, the disconnection, or the ruptures that can happen. I feel like in life we will be presented with challenges, whether or not it's children or whatever the goals are that stretch us, that then we perhaps encounter new parts of ourselves, and that there's a great opportunity to work together. And I'm grateful that my husband and I have been having money meetings every month. And for me, it's been really healing to have these really positive, safe conversations around money. 

And I am very much in service of supporting the goals, and you know, what we've been working for. And we have the spreadsheet that shows us all our progress, which feels really good and feels really aligned, so that we can both feel the space to advocate for what we need. So I think relationally it can be a real opportunity for being closer. What do you see? 

I agree. And going back to your client and his soon-to-be ex-wife, you know, if you talk to her, she may feel like, well, he was restricting me. He was not understanding, maybe the needs of our household. So I'm buying things. You know, when Amazon boxes show up, a lot of times there's not fun stuff in there. There's laundry detergent, there's dish soap, there's toilet paper. But you only see the Amazon box, right? And if you don't say, “Hey, what's in that box? or “open it up yourself ”, you're in the vacuum of what's in there. “ What are they spending money on now? ” So she may have felt restricted, which could have triggered something from her childhood where she was told she couldn't afford things or they couldn't do things. You never know. 

So it's like she was spending, and this was not our agreement. And they're both not. And what I say to all my couples is, you're both not wrong. Like you're both right, but you need to understand that you both are right in different ways. And we need to find the happy medium between the two. So I think having that communication, like talking about, I have four children, and I bought all the back-to-school stuff, and I just put it in a room that doesn't get used too often, and I just had all the stuff in there. And it was bag after bag after bag of stuff in there. And my husband walked past it, walked past it for a couple of weeks because I was like, I'm being proactive. I'm getting this stuff early. 

I'm not waiting until the last minute. So he kept walking past it for a couple of weeks, and like I have two six-year-olds. So yes, there was Play-Doh and crayons in there, and it looked like fun stuff. And finally, he worked himself up into a tizzy because he's like, “What is all of this stuff?” And I'm like, “That's back-to-school stuff”. Like, he's like, “it looks like Christmas in there”. And I'm like, “That's back-to-school stuff, chill out”. Because we've never talked about it. I've always just done it. I've always just bought it, and you know, that was it. And then sent it to school with the kids. He's never really seen it before, and now that he's seen it and so then I screenshotted and texted him:

 “These are all the lists. This is what it looks like. It's not a couple of pencils and a couple of notebooks. This is what we have to buy. And right there it's like where if like the first day he saw it, like, what is that? It's the school supplies. Oh, okay.” 

Thank you. And it's been really helpful because one of the things that he learned that I needed was that it starts with an acknowledgement or appreciation or a win. Like there's some sandwiching of positive things which I really needed to get to my point, around having tension around money that doesn't necessarily need to be that we can be aligned, work towards mutual goals, and have positivity around it. So it's been such a game-changer to have the structure we both feel comfortable with, and that invites something that we're both needing. 

Yeah. Like, 

“Thank you for always having toilet paper. I never have to think about where my toilet paper is coming from. Thank you for always having it there ready for me to. You know, it's important because it is an Amazon box, but it has the Amazon box for the stuff the household is using, and I'm the one thinking about it. And you don't have to.” 

So, yeah, that's. I think it's so important. Yes. 

And what we can appreciate. And I totally get the thing around seeing the box and judgment that might come, and it's like. No, it's really. It's just, you know, something I would buy at the store. It just is. They don't have it. And we live in an area where it's difficult to get. But. Okay, so when you talk about shame, how do you help people negotiate confronting some of their own shame, and then also how this might look like in an intimate relationship? I know. I'm kind of diving in here a bit. 

Yeah. So again, where is the shame coming from? A lot of people have shame around money because they have it right now. They have a good job, they make good money, and they've accumulated and they've done well. And there's shame attached to that. Like, “I don't deserve this”, or “I become who I was taught are the bad guys”. 

And if it's a negative word, that tells us a lot about what we're carrying. 

So removing shame or just feeling bad about money is essential. Like, it has to happen. Because my goal is never to have people love money. I never want my clients to love money. I would love it if they love money, but that's never my goal. My goal is just like, let's just get neutral, because money is neutral. Money is just an object. We put our own emotions on it. We put our own stuff on it. So if I can at least understand where you're coming from, put plans in place that fit you. Like, let's work through some of this junk and get you to neutral territory. That's a win for me. Because now you're using money every single day. So if you have a negative feeling about something you use every day, it's terrible. 

So let's get rid of that, and let's just view money for what it is. It's a way to achieve things. It's a way to do things. That's how you put food on your table. You have to spend money this way. You do anything you have to spend money. So just looking at money as a neutral object, and it's a tool, and it is what it is. When you open up your checking account, and you see a number, it's not good or bad. You put your own feelings on it. That's not enough. Mathematically, we may be able to figure out, yeah, that isn't enough. And let's put a plan in place to increase it. But the number is the number, your situation and your feelings, and your beliefs are what attach the emotion to the numbers that you see. 

And that's what we need to remove because it is just math. And we can figure out math, or we can figure out how to increase the amount of money in your checking account by making slight changes. We can help with all of this. But what we really need to do is remove the junk. It's a lot more productive if we remove the junk from it first. 

No kidding. It sounds like deep work. And how do you help people start to look at where they're feeling bad or feeling shame, and to help process some of it so that it can be more neutralized? 

Yeah. So when I'm working with my clients, we're starting at the very basics, like, how do you feel when you open up your banking app? Or when was the last time you opened up your banking app? That's also a popular question. So, okay, let's do that. We're going to do that right now. If you haven't opened up your banking app in a while, let's open it up and let's look at it. So that one thing that we do and just doing that, it's like, okay, the roof didn't fall off. Like, lightning didn't crash. Like, it's okay. We got through that. Okay, well, that's gonna become a regular practice. Like, you need to look at this stuff. Cause the longer it goes without you looking at it, that's actually way worse for you. 

Which goes with the talking. Right. That we're in connection, so we're not avoiding hiding, head in the sand type of thing. Got it. 

When you open up your banking app, and you see your checking account, there's a number that feels good, and there's a number that doesn't feel good. I'll say, I know a million dollars feels good, but that's not realistic. What's a realistic number? That's when you open up your banking app, like, that feels good, you don't get that pit in your stomach, and everyone's answer is different, and there's no right or wrong answer. Some people say, 500 bucks. Like, I don't need a lot of money in my checking account. 500 bucks feels good because I know I'm getting paid. Again, like, that's good. Other people say, I want $10,000 in my checking account. There's no right or wrong answer. There are some numbers I like mathematically better than others, but I'm not. I don't get into that. I just want them to come up with a number. And you can usually very quickly, like, there is a number that feels better than another one. You know that generally. So we work from there. Okay, let's put a plan into place to make sure you always have that number in your checking account. That's your zero. So if someone says, “That's $1,000, I want to have $1,000”. Now $1,000 equals zero. So if you have $1, if you have $1,001, you're operating as if you have $1. And like, let's just start practicing that. So then, that now eliminates one big issue of no longer getting the pit in the stomach when you open up your app. Now we can open it up because we put in the plans in place to make sure I always have a thousand dollars in my checking account. 

So, like, that's level one unlocked. You know.

Now we can get through that and not contend as much with the bad feelings or the shame because you're getting yourself to this neutral place. 

Yeah, it's a neutral place based on emotions. Right? Cause it still feels good. But now we're neutral because we're good. Like, we're okay, good check done. I feel good. Let's move on. Like, we got that taken care of. And then, you know, we talk about emergency funds. And like I said earlier like, that's Personal Finance 101. You have to have an emergency fund. So I look at my clients' expenses, what they're spending, and we're not even talking about where their money is going right now. Like, I don't care about that. I'm just looking at how much they're spending. So money in and money out. And I look at their money out. And even if there's room for improvement, we're not even talking about that. So I say you spend X amount of dollars a month. Math. 

And if you were to Google, what is an emergency fund? That's where you're going to find three to six months. Right, three to six months. So what do people do? They think of three months, and they think of six months. But there are also four and five months in there, too, that you could do. And that number may be a lot, may sound a lot better. So, three months is this much. Four months is this much. Five months is this much. Six months, is that what number sounds good to you? And they pick. And then one may say, well, that six-month number sounded better. And the other partner may say, Well, I like the four months. Great, let's do five months. Done. 

And because everyone's satisfied, because they're kind of getting what they want. Right. And then we can move on, check the box. Done. We don't have to worry about that again. So then once we do that, it's like, okay, well, now let's look at money in and money out. Where's your money going? And does your money match your values? Do your expenses match your values? So what's most important to you? And you know the process is longer than this. I really like summarizing it. So what matters to you? And I know some of this already, but I want them to say it like, tell me your perfect day, your perfect week, whatever it is, and that'll tell me what they value. So if it's travel, they value travel, charity, spending time, you know, creating experiences with their kids, whatever it is. 

Well, your money is not telling me that. If I look at your money, it looks like you value Starbucks and Chick-fil-A, and you know, not knowing anything, that's where your money's going. That's what you're investing in. That's the value you're investing in. So then it's like, okay, well, where can we make some changes? And again, I'm not telling them, even still, I'm not telling them that they spend too much. I'm not telling them any. It's just. Does this line up? 

It's like the intentionality. It's sometimes I think convenience can, in the moment, be a short-term term easy pull. And also, if we really look at it with a lot of intentionality around, what are we investing in and our values that can make those decisions a little bit more aligned? Even if the convenient thing would have been to do whatever we would have done in the past, but would have chosen the longer-term investment in the value. Does that sound right? 

Yeah, because you then exactly, you have the intentionality behind spending your money versus then, like say the next day, the drive-through lanes, you know, calling your name. Yes. 

I don't have time for lunch. I need to do this quickly. 

Yeah, that's right. 

You made a decision. Yes. And that's okay. Cause you thought about it versus just zoop. I'm just zooping in, and I'll do it now. 

Disembodied out-of-body experience. 

Yeah. 

Well, what I love about this is that this is potentially connecting with your earlier point around feeling shame and feeling bad, that even if we're aware and we're like, okay, this is the choice that I can, I have to make and I can recognize I don't feel awesome about it, but perhaps in preparation to feel better, I can decide for whatever the value is, that is the investment that is going to contribute to me helping myself feel better. Right. Is that right? 

Yeah. I mean, now we're becoming strategic with our money. 

Yes, yes. 

We're having. We have a plan. We're thinking about it. Even if you end up doing the same things, well, then maybe your values aren't travel. Maybe it is convenient. 

Yes. Yes. 

Yeah, right. I mean, maybe if you are now thinking about everything, and we look month by month that there's not much difference. Maybe our values aren't exactly what you thought they were, and that's fine.

Totally. 

But now you're thinking about it. 

You're thinking about it, and you don't have to feel so bad about it. It's like, you know, all the demands, like this is what I need, or this feels like the best option. And this helps me do X, Y, and Z. And therefore, that's the investment, and it's looking honestly at it, and the disconnect starts to become more aligned, and there's a little bit more accountability and ownership in that. 

Exactly. Yes. 

Well, I could tell we could keep going. I know we're winding down our time. Is there anything you want to say that you haven't said before? We talk about how people can connect with you and what you're offering. No, 

I think just asking yourself again, what's your first money memory? And what do you think of when I say the word money? That's going to really point you in the direction of where you stand with money and what your relationship is. And then ask the same of your spouse or partner. 

Ask the same of your friends. We started off talking about friendships. Say this to your friends. You're going to learn a whole lot about them. Way more probably than like just, you know, talking about the day or the week that you had. You're going to learn so much about them, and you're really going to share. So it's only going to deepen your relationships just by asking these couple of questions. I love it. 

And I so appreciate Sheri today that you've been giving such practical examples, and also very strategic. Okay, check. Let's move on. Right. That there's a real attention to the deeper layers, and also that we can progressively support the progress, and how people can get in touch with you, and if they want to learn more about what you offer. 

Yep. So my financial advisory firm is called GWA Wealth. So you can go to my website, gwawealth.com, or come listen to the podcast Everyone's Talking Money. We put out three episodes a week, and there are a lot of conversations about this. So it's the emotional side of money, but then some practical tips that you can implement. So we have brought on experts every week to talk about all of this stuff. And it's just a great resource for if you're curious about money, you want to have a better relationship with it. Again, it's called Everyone's Talking Money. 

Excellent. I'll make sure to put the links in today's shownotes. Thank you so much for joining us and all that you've shared here today. 

Thank you. My pleasure.