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Today, I am giving more attention and support to a listener's question, who writes “How do you deal with a partner who stonewalls?”
In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:
- What stonewalling is and what it entails.
- Common dynamics and patterns that lead to one partner withdrawing or stonewalling.
- What is often underneath the stonewalling behavior and what it feels like on the receiving end.
- Research findings about the differences between men and women as it relates to stonewalling.
- Over time, the pain of stonewalling can be devastating to the emotional bond and relationship.
- Tips for how to get off the destructive track of the pursuer-withdrawer pattern, so that we can find our emotional balance and start a softer, more positive and constructive conversation with our partner.
Mentioned:
Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide
Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson
ERP 213: How Shame And Grandiosity Relate To Self-Esteem – An Interview With Terry Real (podcast)
Transcript:
ERP 217: How to Deal With Stonewalling in Relationship
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Website: drjessicahiggins.com
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If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.
Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.
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Thank you!
Thank you so very much for this thoughtful and incredibly helpful podcast. From listening to this (and many other of your episodes) I have gained so much more clarity around this issue. I went digging further and found the most wonderful clip from Dr Sue Johnson which helped even more…it’s concepts from Love Sense, which I know you reference often, but it really nailed (for me) the concept of the panic and abandonment I feel when my partner does this. There is a video at (counter) 43 on it which illustrates that such feelings are actually primal. Here is the link: https://youtu.be/Xa5J3Qiw69c While the stonewalling is still a massive issue in my world at the moment, which might (sadly) become our undoing, I so much appreciate the clarity you have provided around the issue.
Hi Alison, Thank you so much for commenting and your listenership. Yes, the Still Face Experiment is powerful. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0 and Dr. Sue Johnson does a wonderful job helping us understand the research and how attachment impacts our intimate relationship. I am so sorry to hear about what you are experiencing in your relationship. Please let me know if I can be of any support. Warmly, Jessica