Topic: How to deal with a highly sensitive partner

ERP 134: Sensitivity And Intimacy, With Candy Crawford

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Welcome to The Empowered Relationship Podcast, helping you turn relationship challenges into opportunities and setting you up for relationship success. Your host, Dr. Jessica Higgins, is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach who shares valuable tips, tools and resources for you to dramatically improve your relationship.

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Hi, thank you for joining today’s podcast episode. Today’s episode is 134 – Sensitivity And Intimacy, With Candy Crawford. Before we get started, I would like for you to join me, if you will, in centering into the intention of the Empowered Relationship Podcast conversation. That is that we are intending to be more mindful, more skillful and more aware in relationship, and that we’re looking at the full spectrum of the relationship experience. That one end we might be challenged and might be facing fear, insecurity, upset, and on the other end of the spectrum we will be feeling more joy, more happiness, more love and connection than possibly we’ve ever felt before, and that that awakens us.

At the other end of the spectrum, the challenge will also shine the light on areas that invite us to grow and improve us and develop us, and then everything in between that helps us develop the stability, the consistency and the security of lasting love.

Recently I was meeting with a client and she was nudging me, she’s like “Hey, I’m waiting for your recent podcast episode!”, and I asked her a few more questions and I realized that my podcast feed has not been loading… So I sent out an e-mail to my e-mail list letting them know I have been publishing episodes, even if you haven’t been getting them on your podcast player. So for the last week plus, I have been working with tech support people, people that are specialized in this and trying to get this issue resolved. I’m hoping in the next few days that will be all really resolved. I appreciate your patience and thank you for staying with me.

As we turn to the topic of sensitivity, I wanna share that sensitivity is a trait that I believe is so important for the human experience, whether or not you identify as being highly sensitive or that you are just even contemplating the role of sensitivity. And I personally, and professionally believe that sensitivity plays an important, critical role in humanity, as Candy Crawford is gonna share with us a little bit more about the experience of a highly sensitive person.

Let’s get started with today’s interview.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Candy Crawford, MSW, LCSW, is a therapist, educator, and advocate for the highly sensitive people. She maintains a private practice in the Chicago area, where she specializes in working with the highly sensitive and facilitates workshops and retreats in collaboration with Elaine Aron, research psychologist and pioneer in the study of this trait.

Candy, thank you for joining us!

Candy Crawford: Thank you, Jessica.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: I’m so pleased that you said yes to doing this interview. I feel so strongly that highly sensitive trait is so important for people to be aware of, and I’m so grateful for you to be able to share more about that, as well as how it relates to relationship.

Can you, just for everybody that might not be familiar with a highly sensitive person and what those traits look like, would you be able to talk about that?

Candy Crawford: You bet. First off, when we say “highly sensitive”, Jessica, that’s the layman’s description. The scientific name is sensory processing sensitivity. As you said, it’s a trait, it’s found in 20% of the population, so that’s one in five people, which is a lot. It’s not a disorder, it’s not something you develop; you are born with it.

A couple other facts – it’s equal among men and women. 70% of us are introverts, 30% are extroverts – that typically surprises people – and it’s actually a tendency found in the immune system, as well as the central nervous system. Dr. Aron likes to say also research shows it’s found not only in humans, but in over 100 animal species. I could say a little bit more… Do you want me to explain the four pillars of it?

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Sure, sure.

Candy Crawford: Okay. We like to use the acronym DOES, just so people can remember… These are the four indicators of the trait:

D stands for Depth of processing. These folks have a tendency to process life. We reflect more… When you hear, “Oh, I’m a deep thinker” – that will come out. This depth shows up in the intensity of feeling and in the level of empathy.

The O stands for Overarousal or Overwhelmed. It’s a natural result of the deep processing. One’s cognitive capacity has limits, as we know, meaning what can be held in one’s working memory. So when this decreases due to one’s feeling overwhelmed, that sympathetic nervous system gets activated, and the highly sensitive person – boy, do they feel it. This can often present as anxiety; it’s very distressing.

The E stands for Emotional intensity. Strong, emotional responses. Highly sensitive people have more emotional reactivity to life events than most people. We are touched by many things in life. We’re prone to strong, positive, as well as negative effects, and in situations where anyone would share their feelings, but perhaps less strongly.

And the last piece is Sensory sensitivity. This is the one that really is difficult to do life with the trait. This shows up in the processing of stimuli. It’s not in the sense organs themselves, but in how it gets processed. I like to see it that my brain is processing information in a more concentrated form, and sometimes this gets manifested as a low threshold sometimes, as the ability to distinguish the subtleties, like seeing everything, hearing everything, and sometimes as low tolerance of high levels of sensory input. Often, all three of these are going on at the same time.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: I know that on Dr. Aron’s website she’s got a self test, right? If people are wondering, or if they’ve had people maybe even unfortunately criticized for being sensitive, or they’ve had some question around “How come I can’t handle what everybody else seems to handle?” How could somebody recognize themself in everyday kind of examples?

Candy Crawford: True… This is what’s awesome – I tell people “You can go and know within three minutes if you have this trait.” If you go to hsperson.com, which is Dr. Elaine Aron’s website – or it’s on my website – there’s a self-test you take, and seriously, you’ll know in three minutes if you have the trait. If it’s helpful to you, I can read a couple — I have one in front of me; I could just read a few of the indicators.

The first one is “I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input. I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment. I have a rich, complex inner life.” Let’s see, what’s another one…? “I notice and enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds and works of art.”

And there’s another self-test on there… If a listener is a parent and they’re saying, “Hm, I wonder if this sounds like my kid…”, there’s a self-test that the parent can take to find out if the kid has the trait.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: This is so important, because like you said, it’s actually pretty prevalent. The other thing that I wonder, too – is there like a spectrum here? Because I know my husband for sure is a highly sensitive person. I feel like I’m sensitive, but I don’t know that I quite would be categorized as a highly sensitive person.

Candy Crawford: Well, here’s what I’ve learned – it is not a spectrum, it’s not a disorder… Again, it’s a trait. But if you take this test… You know, they have scores on there, but we’ve been taught and seen that folks who take it – if you resonate strongly with even a few of those, chances are you do have the trait.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Okay, gotcha. Because everybody has some level of sensitivity, but when we’re talking about this specific person, that it’s pretty strong and most people would resonate and they would likely know looking at some of these items.

Candy Crawford: Yes, and I think the key indicator – at least what I’ve observed –  is do they get overwhelmed? Do they find themselves needing to get out of that loud table environment where everybody’s talking and go into the kitchen? Do they need to schedule less, or go into a bedroom and just have quiet time? That is kind of a giveaway that they have that trait.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Okay. Candy, I love that you keep reiterating, this is not a disorder; you’re really helping people understand there’s nothing wrong when this is in fact somebody’s experience. Can you talk about perhaps maybe some of the challenges and some of the benefits of this experience of being a highly sensitive person?

Candy Crawford: No, absolutely, and true, I can’t tell you how many people come in feeling like — they feel so misunderstood and so odd. And people with the trait really do get misunderstood and misdiagnosed. We’re a minority; 80% of the population doesn’t understand what it’s like to function like this, but I will — when I teach, Jessica, I do refer to this trait as a gift. I really believe that, since in its pure form, when the person is not overwhelmed, they offer incredible gifts not only to themselves, but to those around them. These folks bring unusual depth, complexity, tenderness, conscientiousness… Quite honestly, they can be the best listeners, leaders and loyal companions.

The creativity and compassion I have witnessed in these individuals is astounding. The list is endless – and I mean that – of seeing it and being in it and saying, “This is a gift”, and that’s one of the things we do at our workshops. It’s so moving. I will say “Okay, for the next 20 minutes I want you just to think and say out loud when those moments when you feel ‘This is a gift’ what’s going on inside of you, or in the context of relationship, when you really believe; it feels like you have this beautiful gift in you.” People just begin to share things, and it really is beautiful, and there’s quite a long list.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: I can feel my heart, I’m kind of welling up too as you’re talking, the love that I hear in what you’re describing and how incredibly validating and affirming, because right – 80% of the people can’t necessarily relate, and maybe aren’t used to getting this type of affirmation and how important it is to be seen and celebrate, and that it can be magnified to really look at those experiences and really have the genuine appreciation for what the experience is and the beauty and the gift of it.

Candy Crawford: Yes, and I’m often probably one of the first ones to say “This is so hard to have this!”, and yet, if you said “Candy, would you share your top ten experiences of your life in the last year?”, I can bet all ten would have something to do with my trait. So I think that speaks volumes again, but I’m very honest to say it’s very — it’s quite the challenge to be in this loud, overwhelming world of noise and busyness, and have these… Again, just these different pieces to your existence.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yeah, and the consideration of what is gonna be most supportive for your system.

Candy Crawford: Correct.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Can you talk about some of those challenges? Because I’m sure that that’s also what people would have a better understanding around what that can look like, whether or not it’s in themselves, or their loved one, or child, like you mentioned…

Candy Crawford: Well, again, I think primarily the first thing is that people with this trait, we get overwhelmed very easily, and again, it requires a certain level of courage and a sense of self to live in alignment with your trait. What you really need to do – otherwise you get sick, and just awful things happen, because your body is front and center, as I’ve mentioned before; it’s in the immune system, and central nervous system, so it’s really important… But people who come in, many say “You know, I’m wired this way, and I just feel (again, like I mentioned before, Jessica) no one gets me, no one understands me”, and Dr. Aron does this question at every workshop, and she’ll say “Okay, raise your hand if you in your childhood remember being called ‘too much’ or ‘too intense” and I swear every time 100% of the hands go up in the air… So many come to therapy feeling like they, again, they just are broken. They really need to know that there’s nothing wrong with them. They need validation, they need to be educated in their trait and to do the work of reading the research and really meeting other highly sensitive people… But they often bring issues in about intimacy.

I remember sitting right near where you are, in Santa Barbara. Dr. Aron was teaching, and I remember the day, she was saying “Yes, and highly sensitive people often get very  bored in their relationships”, and I wanted to scream “Yes! I’m not an oddball!” These folks often — again, their brains are complex, we are not simple people; we want meaning, we want hearty talks and discussions. We are existential, we love to talk about deep things, and again… Feeling overwhelmed is probably the main one, and at work — a lot of work settings are open office, or they’re loud… These folks really crave meaning in their profession, so they’re in jobs where it’s not really meeting their needs, and they’re wanting more meaning. That’s another issue for us.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yes… It sounds as though too what you’re describing is that if people can gain more awareness so that they can kind of identify and just own — like, “I have this trait, and this is part of my experience. I can’t fight it, I can’t try to be something I’m not or make it go away.” It’s more about how to navigate it, and being more skillful, and that that really allows for more balance, and maybe even for the gifts to be more supported and then the challenges to be more minimized, because if you’re taking really good care of yourself, perhaps you don’t run up — I mean yes, it’s not to say you’re never gonna get overwhelmed, right? But that you can know how to be a little more skillful in taking care of yourself.

Candy Crawford: No, very true, and again, we feel so much pressure to be like the other — I mean, I feel incredible pressure living in the suburbs to be running around, doing all the things that the suburban moms are doing, and you know what? I can’t live that way or I’ll get sick. My body communicates when I don’t take care of myself. We talk often about self-care at our workshops, and it has to be daily, and it really has to be a lifestyle. It can’t be an occasional “Sure, I’m gonna take a nap.” It needs to be daily downtime, daily working with your body, getting in nature, getting in quiet, really watching what you’re eating…

People learn — I learned the hard way. When I think I can live like everybody else, I end up — again, that’s all you need to do, is not honor your trait, and then you get into trouble.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Right, I can see that. Okay, so can we shift the conversation, now that we’ve kind of gotten a little bit — I know it’s just scratching the surface… But just some lay of the land with the HSP trait. So when it comes to relationship — because I’m listening to you describe just, you know, how easy it is to compare yourself or feel the social pressure, and I’m even just thinking about my husband… Sometimes we visit family on the East Coast, and they have lots of friends, and it’s loud, and we’re all at the table, and it’s just multi-layered conversations happening across this huge table, and it’s a lot going on from brunch, all the way till dinner or after dinner, so periodically my husband will go upstairs and kind of be watching football… I sometimes will look around and be like “Where is Reid?” If I wasn’t aware that he needed that, I could easily get on his case that like “We’re not here for very many days… How come you’re not participating?” and I could just see how that tension would really be complicated.

Candy Crawford: Oh, absolutely, and again, we bring such gifts to the bond, but whoever — whether it’s having a highly sensitive child, or having a partner, or a friend… I mean, I had somebody say “You know, that’s probably the stuff that drives you crazy.” You know, for me, the trait, sometimes it can feel that way, but that’s also what people love about you. As I said, we bring these incredible gifts; we have the ability a lot of people don’t. We can be quiet, we have strong levels of empathy… You know, as I’ve mentioned before, we can listen well, we love to have great discussions, but we bring a lot of intensity and deep feelings. And as you said, whoever has the trait, they really do need to get along, and it’s not a reflection of the bond, it’s because this person needs to get restored.

A lot of us who have the trait, we really love the process about the relationship. That’s another piece. I’ve worked with kids and worked with adults, and they find that they frustrate those who they are connected to, because they wanna process, again, about the bond – “How are you feeling?” They’re just bringing so much, so they end up overwhelming sometimes their partners and their buddies.

In conflict, we get pretty overwhelmed quick, so there’s some unique coping mechanisms we need to use in dealing with conflict. I don’t know if that answers your question…

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yeah, absolutely. I’m almost imagining that it can be incredibly helpful if a spouse is aware of this trait and the considerations, because if they’re not, I imagine there can be a lot of conflict or judgment even around like “How come you’re taking a nap and I’m hustling to clean the house?” or “How come you’re leaving me to host and keep the conversation going and you’re leaving to go for a short walk?”, or something…

Candy Crawford: That’s very true. Within my own marriage, I feel often like “Okay, let’s see… Every weekend I have to have a night of downtime.” And if you’re married to an extrovert, that’s a stretch. They really need to adapt. But again, if that person is — the friends, the partners, or the kids, everybody is happier or more content if they’re really… I was gonna bring up this optimal level of arousal. This was a gamechanger for me, Jessica. A few years ago — I’m always researching this trait, because there’s such complexity to it. It’s truly fascinating. But I learned that – and even animals have this – from the get-go, infants, every single one of us have a unique level of what we call an optimal level of arousal. This is whether you have the trait or not, but it’s when the nervous system is moderately alert and aroused. So too much (being overwhelmed) or too little stimulation causes trouble. Again, this is for anybody.

This is one of the most solid findings in psychology, and in my experience, one of the least known. So those of us  who have this… It was a gamechanger for me to realize within my marriage, within my friendships, that my level of being stimulated, learning and all that – it’s not up to other people; it’s not up to my kids, it’s not up to my husband or my friends to challenge me and get me in this medium zone of arousal. That is something I need to take responsibility for. So if I need to go read more books or join a class… Again, if I feel overwhelmed, I need to remove myself from that social setting and take care of me. The season that I learned that and started to really own that, and not put that on the people around me – that was a true gamechanger for me. I felt empowered.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yeah, because it feels as though you’re trying to live up to someone else’s standard, but always feeling depleted and running ragged. That leads to resentment and it’s just not good. But if people really understood — and that’s why I think you’re talking about if the partner who is not HSP, and I’m sure there’s partners where there’s two people that are highly sensitive, but I’m talking about the one where one is an HSP and the other is not… That if there’s an open dialogue and they understand that this helps you feel resources and at your optimal, and that you can actually engage in a more sustained way, then I’m gonna want that for you; I wanna help you feel good, I wanna help you feel resourced. Do you feel like those need to be open conversations, or…?

Candy Crawford: I do. I think it depends on the closeness of the bond. Again, I remember Dr. Aron saying “You know, it’s not like people are gonna be excited when you tell them that you have this trait.” You’re not always gonna get the most positive response, but again, I feel like anybody who does life with you, who journeys with you, who engages with you, they’re gonna see that in you. It’s really a gift and it’s a good thing.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yeah, and it might actually answer some questions, I’m imagining. Because like you’re saying, if they’re relating to you, they’re probably aware on some level, they just don’t have the understanding to explain it or know why… So it can actually probably be illuminating that like “Oh, right, this makes sense. Maybe I had questioned that maybe you didn’t like me as much, or that you were sick of me or that I was annoying, or didn’t wanna try as hard, or X, Y and Z…”

Candy Crawford: Very true, and you can imagine then for kids too, little kids who get overwhelmed… They’re crying, or in classrooms, or all of that – once that parent can figure out and get the knowledge that there’s nothing wrong with that kid, that they’re just responding to their environment, that can just really be an important knowledge that can affect the whole family.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Oh, those little ones… I can only imagine that’s a whole thing in itself.

Candy Crawford: Oh, and you know it too, just being in suburbia, there’s such a thrust of being involved, being active, going out, doing this… And a person with this trait – I mean, that’s just not gonna work well.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yeah, and do you feel — I have wondered that our Western culture here in the United States, if we really value that reflective time… That’s not as usually sexy; you don’t go bragging that like — you know, some people brag about being volunteering here, or “I just ran this half-marathon”, or it’s all this active stuff… But you don’t always hear people saying “Oh my gosh, I took three hours and I snuggled, and I really had the phone on airplane mode”, talking about the restorative time… Maybe with dear friends we would, but not necessarily in a public setting.

Candy Crawford: Very true, but I’ll tell you – again, the artists… A person with this trait can basically do any profession. The artists, the people in the helping professions, the contemplatives as you were saying, teachers, therapists, body workers… The people who are taking time to reflect and turning within – they are the ones, again, that are bringing so much more to our world, whether it’s in a book, or through art, through even how they decorate their home… The creativity is astounding.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yeah, it’s almost like — I know we wanna bring this back to relationship, but almost as we’re talking, it’s a plug, if you will, to maybe not judge so quickly. If any portion of the 80% is listening to this show, perhaps having a mind’s eye around some of this for the 20%, that if there can be a support for the self-care, the reflection time and for people that are more highly sensitive and are HSP, that there’s a win/win in that.

Candy Crawford: Yes, absolutely. Again, when I teach… Teaching these folks to self-care — I mean, everybody not only benefits, but they experience the negativity… If as a  mom I’m stressed out and overwhelmed, you can bet my tone, my ability to listen well (fill in the blank) is gonna be so low if I don’t take care of myself. So again, it can affect the entire family dynamics… Or your colleagues – if you’re overwhelmed, or your clients… It really does come back to self-care.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Nice. One of the questions I was gonna ask you, but I wanna just check in with you – do you feel like we’ve already covered it, or if you have anything else to say… And the question is “What does a mate or a friend need to know about this?”

Candy Crawford: Sure. I think what they need to know, again, is that there’s nothing wrong this person, that they have some unique needs, that they have some incredible gifts, and again, just as you said, taking an interest and asking them how they experience life, and find out what are some of the things that you’ve thought about? I’m in a little family, and I could talk for three hours about my day. There’s so much that I see and think about and feel and wonder about, and that would be a great gift you could give to somebody who has the trait – ask them what moves them.

These people are very moved by life, by social injustices, by what they see in nature, sunsets and sunrises, and watching people be kind to each other. There’s gold in them in what they’re processing and taking in, so if they could be asked, “Hey, what was something you wondered about today?” We do that with kids, with artwork, and they’re loaded with — they have so much to say, so many perspectives to share, so many questions. That’s one of the indicators on the “Is your kid highly sensitive?”, do they ask a lot of questions? Again, these are just really great minds, beautiful minds.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Nice, and it sounds like slowing down and really attending to this inner world…

Candy Crawford: Yes, and I feel that’s what brings richness to bonds. When people do turn inward and pay attention to what’s going on inside of them, it can really — again, I like to say, we exhibit such a full range of humanity… That’s why I love learning and reading about — and the musicians I’ve met, they exhibit the most beautiful sides of humanity, whether it’s pain, or joy, or grief… It’s being displayed in all its raw, beautiful form.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yeah, and one of the questions here that I was thinking of asking you is what would be a step for somebody who is highly sensitive in growing in regards to experiencing more intimacy? I feel like we’re kind of on that — you were talking a little bit about just owning that you need certain things, and if there’s a respect and regard for this inner rich world, perhaps the vulnerability to even share that… You were talking about sharing it with people that you love, and I’m curious, is there more you would say to that, about growing more intimacy?

Candy Crawford: Well, I feel like I get to go deep because I’m a therapist, so you’ll understand this… What I’ve noticed more, Jessica, is the clients come in and it seems like many are preoccupied with “the other” person in the bond. You may say, “Oh, Candy, that’s codependency.” I like to see it as that many of these folks don’t have a cohesive sense of self, and I think the root of that — here’s the scenario, and this is just my take on this… The root of that is in early childhood, and this is why I’m telling you this would be a really good next step for those who are resonating with this trait to really take some time to think about this. What I’ve seen is in early childhood I think that parents unconsciously – so they’re not aware – pick up on this extraordinary tender attentiveness or attunement of that sensitive kid, and here’s where it goes sour…

The parent unfortunately uses that kid – again, all unconscious, nothing intentional – to meet the unmet needs of that parent, which in the end produces an adult who is walking around groomed to look and notice the needs of others. But as we know, that lands us in some very dissatisfying relationships, levels of intimacy, and very dysfunctional. So I would encourage the listener to really take some time to think back, “What happened in my childhood? What role did I have? How was my trait?”, kind of look through a new lens, like “Oh, and now that I know that I have this trait, with curiosity and incredible compassion, what happened to me when I was a kid? What did I conclude from my upbringing?” And that’s again where the client or the person (they don’t have to be in therapy), they can do some incredible work on themselves being in a diad, in relationship to another person. Does that make sense?

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yes, yes. So if they did in fact feel that “I can recognize how my highly sensitive trait unconsciously was used in this way, and I’ve developed this coping strategy or this way of relating to people, that I’m overly aware of other people’s needs”, and so when you’re talking about the work in their own self and then in intimacy – can you talk a little bit more about that?

Candy Crawford: Yes, so again, the work is having – and I bet you’ve talked about this tons on your show… Really needing a separate self, really needing boundaries, really being able to say “That’s your stuff, and this is mine.” Having a separate self, because a healthy relationship really needs two fully functioning, independent selves, both showing up. A lot of these folks will say “I’m the best! Everybody comes to me, Candy, with their dreams and their problems… It’s like I’m their therapist and I’m their friend.” So again, the work has to be what’s happening inside you, it’s the development of your inner life, and seeing that you don’t need to rescue people, nor should you be. You don’t need to be preoccupied with what’s going on in the people around you.

We are wired in a way that we’re like sponges. Some will say, “It’s like I don’t have skin!” So boundary work – again, setting good boundaries; there’s all different ways to learn boundaries, but it seems essential to really know “What’s my stuff? What am I responsible for, and the rest is that person’s”, and to have a healthy bond.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: It seems so healing, and just incredibly critical for real intimacy, as you’re describing. This feels like a natural segue, because you were saying that there’s a lot of ways to do this… Can you talk about perhaps some of the resources that people might benefit from?

Candy Crawford: Sure. The great news is that the word is getting out; there’s a ton of research, and if people ever wanna feel normal, wanna feel validated for their trait, I would go to hsperson.com, and there’s a tab on there that says “Research.” There’s research that’s very user-friendly, and there’s research for those of us who really wanna dig into it. That will allow that person to see, “Alright, I’m very normal. I feel validated.”

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we have — in your amazing state, it’s about an hour North of San Francisco, there’s an HSP and Horse Workshop. They’re offered all year in this gorgeous location, Woodacre, California. And you don’t even ever get on the horse, but what they do is the sensitive people go and learn so much about their trait; it’s really rich, because Elaine is there, and one of my colleagues runs this. “Why horses?”, you may be thinking… Horses are brilliant, and they’re excellent lie detectors. And because they’re prey animals, they aren’t comfortable with people who are presenting an outside face, they’re pretending.

These people who attend these workshops, they work with the horses in this gorgeous setting, and learn about their sensitivity because these horses are all highly sensitive. It’s a small group setting, and it’s really relaxing, and you learn so much about your trait, and you get to be with these beautiful, spiritual animals, these horses.

Other resources – there’s these gatherings in the United States and in other countries about three times a year, that a gal named Jacquelyn Strickland leads. I encourage everybody some time in their life to go to an HSP gathering. This is all on Dr. Aron’s website. That’s another small group setting where you go to a beautiful area – that’s a common theme – and you can meet with 20 other people and you learn a lot and you have downtime; you meet other HSP’s, and again, I feel everybody who’s resonating with this should put that on their bucket list.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: It sounds phenomenal. And Candy, I know you teach and do workshops and retreats – can you share a little bit about how people can connect with your work?

Candy Crawford: Yes, my website is CandyCrawfordLCSW.com. My colleague, Elaine [unintelligible 00:45:02.28] and Elaine Aron, we did two HSP workshops. It’s this beautiful new facility in Santa Cruz, 1440 Multiversity.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: I actually have seen the website for that, I haven’t been there.

Candy Crawford: Even the website is luscious. We did a workshop there, and then we did one at [unintelligible 00:45:26.19] which is on the East Coast, and now we’re in the planning stages of having it next — well, it’s really this summer, in July, and it’s gonna be called “Understanding the highly sensitive child and teen.” So it will be obviously for parents, but also for therapists, for teachers, and basically anyone who is interested in learning more about the highly sensitive kid and teen. We’re gonna be doing that back in Santa Cruz and then on the East Coast in September.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Lovely. And those links – are they on your website?

Candy Crawford: You know what, they’re on Dr. Aron’s, but in January, those upcoming workshops will be on there, too.

Dr. Jessica Higgins: Okay, I’ll find those for those of you listening, and I’ll put them on the show notes for easy access. Is there anything else that you wanna share with us, Candy?

Candy Crawford: I would just say, again — I think I’ve oversaid it, but maybe it’s not possible to overstate it… That we really need to take care of ourselves. Those of you who have this really need to put self-care… You have a brilliant, beautiful trait that our world needs, and you’re in incredible company, one in five people. I just hope you really take care of yourself and reach out and come to one of these workshops.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Knowing how to deal with a highly sensitive partner and their needs is helpful in working together as a couple.

I hope you have enjoyed today’s episode. If you’re interested in accessing some of the resources mentioned, as well as additional resources, documentaries on sensitivity, and sensitivity and in love, books and resources, as well as the show notes for today’s podcast episode, they can be found on my website, DrJessicaHiggins.com. Click on Podcast, and you can find all the episodes there. Again, today’s episode is 134 – Sensitivity And Intimacy, With Candy Crawford.

Thank you again for listening. I appreciate you, and I appreciate all your investment and effort into doing relationship well. Until next time, I hope you take great care.

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