Hi, thank you for joining today’s podcast episode. Today’s episode is 239, “How to break out of sexual routines and ignite more passion”, an interview with Sarah Rose.
Before we get started, I wanna take a moment and just center with you… If you will, just taking a deep breath in, and a deep breath out. And again, as I do this, I just wanna encourage you to drop into your place in this moment – what you’re feeling in your body, emotionally, perhaps the thoughts that you’re having, particularly as it relates to relationship, and just giving acknowledgment to that. Just touching in and giving some recognition.
And as you do this, I’m hoping that you’ll just have a better sense of where you are in this moment. Because wherever we are is what we’re working with, and part of the conversations that happen on this show are intended to support you in navigating the terrain of long-lasting intimacy. And we have to navigate from the position that we’re in. I’m giving you research, theory, experience to consider around the moves that you’re making, but only you can really discern what your best next move is. And part of that deciding or discerning what the next best move is is in relationship to where you are in this moment.
The intention for the Empowered Relationship podcast is to support you in being better equipped, more prepared in navigating long-lasting intimacy, with the goal in mind to have more fulfillment, more authenticity, more connection, safety, passion, and just that sense of love and bond… That as we grow, we grow our relationship. And sometimes we may be challenged, threatened, feel insecure, feel uncertain, and that that’s all in the interest of our growth, if we so choose to turn towards those nudges, turn towards that experience to learn.
If you would like access to today’s show notes, you can visit DrJessicaHiggins.com, click on Podcast, and there you can find all of the episodes. Again, today’s episode is 239, “How to break out of sexual routines and ignite more pleasure”, an interview with Sarah Rose.
On the website you’ll also find ways to engage in getting more support by the way of courses, curriculum for you to deepen in your practice, as well as how to engage in coaching. And again, you can find that all at DrJessicaHiggins.com
A note about today’s interview – we are talking about sex, and there is some explicit content in today’s interview, so I’m just wanting you to be mindful of that as we proceed.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Sarah Rose is the founder of the tantric sex coaching platform Tantric Activation. She developed her coaching techniques by studying tantra, mixing in evolutionary biology, and adapting the method for practical use in the modern world. Sarah was trained in the tantra method in India. She then earned her certification as a Sex, Love and Relationship Coach from the Tantra Institute of Integrated Sexuality.
Sarah, thank you for joining us today.
Sarah Rose: Thank for having me. I’m so excited to be here.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yeah, I am, too. This is such an important topic, and I feel like just the more support and the more voice we can have on these type of topics is so important. So I would love to just have you share a little bit about what got you into this field, and a little bit about your story.
Sarah Rose: Yeah, so for me it’s been a long journey. I actually started out in yoga. It started out as more like a physical yoga practice, and then developed more into the physical side of it, and I just really loved it. The self-awareness that I developed during that – it really helped a lot. And then from there, I actually found Kundalini yoga, which was very empowering for me. It just really helped with my self-love, and more self-awareness as well, but it also gave me a lot more strength. And I didn’t know at that time that Kundalini yoga is actually tantra. I don’t know the exact reason why, but my assumption would be that [unintelligible 00:05:56.00] who brought Kundalini yoga to the West used the word “yoga” rather than tantra, probably because it’s more of an accepted word. Tantra, because it is associated with our sexual energy, there can be a lot of negative stigma around that.
So I actually went to India and got certified in Kundalini yoga to be a teacher, and I went back a second time for additional certification. When I was there the second time was when I was introduced to who would become my tantric guru. That path is more of like really using your sexual energy – real pure, classical tantra.
So that really took me to another level as well, and opened my eyes to how powerful our sexuality is and how powerful our sexual energy is when we are using it in a conscious way, rather than being controlled by it. So I ended up going from that experience to doing another certification program where I became certified as a sex, love and relationship coach. I specialized in tantra, and I also specialized in men’s sexuality.
Today I still will do some private coaching with women, but really my focus is on working with men. I have such passion for working with men in this area, because it’s an area that is very sensitive; a lot of guys don’t really feel that comfortable in talking to a man about it, they prefer to talk with a woman… And for me it’s super-easy to talk about this stuff. It’s not weird, and I can just be real open and frank, and I think they just find they can open up, and I get them. [laughs] So I love what I do, I love it so much.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: I love that you’re really helping bridge a gap here… And I just wanna go back – when you were talking about pure, classic tantra, can you help distinguish what you mean there?
Sarah Rose: Yeah, so there’s classical tantra, and then there’s Western tantra, which is also called neo-tantra. Kundalini, that I was trained it – it is classical tantra, but it’s white tantra. So it’s tantric practices, but not necessarily using your sexual energy. So it’s done in a little bit different way than classical tantra is. So a lot of the practices are very similar, it’s just the energy that’s being used is different.
In classical tantra, it really is about igniting that root energy, the primal energy, combining that with sexual energy, and bringing all of that through the body, uniting all different aspects of it. Many times, in a very practical sense, many men feel like they have a disconnect between what their penis wants, what their heart wants, what their mind wants. So through some of these practices we can get more in alignment, get those three parts of us in alignment so that we’re not self-sabotaging, saying we want one thing and then do something else that counteracts that… Because that’s often what happens.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: And how would someone – perhaps a man who’s listening, or perhaps a significant other in a heterosexual relationship with a man – recognize, what are the indicators that there’s some disconnect?
Sarah Rose: So if for instance a man is attracted to somebody, until he starts to get to know here, and then he gets turned off. This happens a lot in relationship as well. A man can be attracted to a woman, and then maybe she becomes his wife. And then he can’t be attracted to her anymore, because she’s no longer a sex object. Or she becomes a mother and he can’t be attracted to her anymore. Those are really common ways that it shows up.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Gotcha. And I know your work is extensive, but is there anything just to give us an insight into where you might begin supporting that integration or that connection process?
Sarah Rose: Yeah, when I work with clients we do a lot of shadow work to get to the root of what it is – why are they showing up in the ways that they are, to bring stuff up from the subconscious and the unconscious, make them more into their present awareness, so that way they’re able to deal with them. Because if we don’t even know what’s down there, so why we’re making these decisions, how are we going to change them? So becoming aware of patterns that we have really is first and foremost; so I do a lot of shadow work.
And then also different breath practices. Breath is a huge part of tantra. So the style of tantra that I teach – and there are a lot of people out there teaching tantra in many different ways, so I try to only speak to how I am teaching it… And it’s based in breath, sound, movement and focus. So it’s very practical, it’s not esoteric or spiritual even… These are all things that all humans have access to – our breath, our sound, our movement, our focus. Even if you’re ADD, you can still focus. [laughs] So it’s just the way that you put these together to move the energy through your body. And that’s what helps integrate all these different parts of you.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: I imagine with those different aspects of breath and sound and movement there’s a level of mindfulness that’s really bringing the energy into more present… Because so often I feel like in couplehood, at least what I come across, is this sense of performance… Or you were talking about the shadow even, how I see so much of fear of rejection as an issue, and so often there’s just these scripts that we’re following, that have worked in the past, but perhaps are keeping us stuck in a narrow window.
Sarah Rose: Yes, exactly. And we become so caged in. We become just this very small version of ourselves when we live according to these scripts that just play over and over and over.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: And do you find that fear of rejection is something that you work with?
Sarah Rose: Yes, and that shows up a lot as performance anxiety. And clearly just even the term “performance anxiety” shows you a big part of where the problem lies… Like, why are we looking at sex as a performance? I think a lot of that comes from porn, because porn is a performance. And often we don’t remember that; we start to think “Oh, this is how sex is done. This is how people have sex. This is how I should have sex, this is how I should look when I’m having sex, or sound when I’m having sex.” And then it becomes a performance, a way of trying to do what you’ve seen in porn. And I’m not one to demonize porn, because there’s value in it, and for some people that is what they’re really desiring, and they’re totally fine with that; and if they’re not harming themselves or others, then why not? Enjoy your life.
But for people that want something different, that are looking for really satisfying sex with their partner, then trying to perform as what you see in porn isn’t going to get you there. And I like to remind men that it is designed to be a performance. you don’t go watch a Mission Impossible movie and then think you’re going to start doing all the tricks that Tom Cruise does in Mission Impossible. You know it’s a performance, you know he’s acting. But when it comes to porn, we don’t have that same mindset, that these are actors that are there just for entertainment value.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: I love that. And you know, I agree that there’s an aspect to the erotic part of porn and perhaps what it’s tapping into, and the physicality… But there is this more fuller spectrum with the heart connection, and different aspects of ourselves, like you were saying; to be able to connect with someone else and share that is different perhaps than just the physical, erotic part.
Sarah Rose: Right.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: I’m wondering, as we’re talking – you mentioned focus, and again, so often I am surprised how couples have a difficult time talking about sex. And if couples aren’t talking about sex, following some script as far as what positions, and what moves have worked in the past… And stay in that zone, if you will, and the focus is on that. Can you talk to us about how the shifting focus would support a fuller experience?
Sarah Rose: Yeah, your focus is really important, because whatever you focus on is going to intensify and expand. If a man is fully focusing on his partner’s pleasure, she’s going to feel that; she is going to feel his presence there with her, and she’s going to know that he’s there, he’s into this, he’s excited about it.
Say he’s going down on her, but he’s thinking about something else, or he gets distracted about something, she’s gonna feel that a lot. She’s gonna feel that disconnect. She’s going to feel that he isn’t present with her. She’s going to feel abandoned, she’s gonna feel rejected. and that’s going to cause shutdown. She’s going to not be able to open up, and surrender, and have amazing, incredible orgasms… And so your presence, as both parties, is so incredibly important.
Men experience this, too. If a woman is giving them a blow job and she doesn’t like it, he’s gonna know. Compared to if he’s someone who’s like “Oh my god, I love this!” There’s such a different energy.
When you’re really focused and present and you’re there with your partner and you’re in the moment and you’re enjoying it, that goes so much further than any type of technique that you can learn. There’s a lot of stuff out there on the internet that’s just gonna show you “Oh, try this position” or “Try this move”, or “Lick her this way, kiss her that way” – those things have value, but they’re very beginner. That’s the basics. And yeah, have some new moves, try something new, try something fresh, but you’ve gotta go beyond that.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: It’s almost techniquey, and isn’t gonna have a lot of substance or mileage if the energy is not there.
Sarah Rose: Exactly.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Okay, so what do you help people do to focus? Is there any directives in helping people shift their focus? You’re saying something really practical… I just wonder if there’s anything else there around really bringing attention to what you’re doing, and the energy that you’re feeling as you’re doing it. Is it simply that?
Sarah Rose: It’s really something that is to be developed in a person. I have a group coaching program that is a six-month training program for men, and in that program over the course of six months they are developing these skills in themselves. If you’ve just lived in a society where you’re constantly distracted, and you’re going from this to that, to this to that all the time, then it is often something that you need to learn how to do.
So by using breath techniques – that’s one way that really helps guys get out of their head. I have different breath practices that I give them; a lot of different breath practices that I give them, that they work with over the course of six months. And then combining that with their masturbation time, so that way they’re training their body to experience sex in a mindful way.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: I like that, because so much of Kundalini yoga is the breath, right?
Sarah Rose: Yes.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: I love it. Okay, I wanna back up, if we can… So you were talking about in this case if a man is approaching his significant other, and he has that focus and he’s bringing that presence, then the opportunity for pleasure increases dramatically. What if we’re talking about a heterosexual relationship where — I know there’s some brain research about this, that the pathway to sex is more complicated for a woman; it goes through different parts of the brain, the decision-making part of the brain, where for a man it’s a little more direct, and they talk about that that has to do with survival and safety… So hence, sometimes there’s a little more prerequisites to sex for women than there are for men. “I’ve gotta feel emotionally connected” or “I wanna feel like I actually have energy, I’m not super-exhausted, or my health, or feeling good about my body…” So what if a man is super-embodied and available, but there seems to be a little bit of syncing up that people are yes to sex. I’m wondering if you focus on that at all with couples.
Sarah Rose: Yeah, and even the things that you’re saying women need to go through to get to that yes point – when they’re with a man that they feel safe with, that they feel that they’re cherished by, that their body is accepted by, all these different things that make women shut down and hold back… Those things, if they’re with a man that has shown up for them, that has proven that he’s not going to let them down in the bedroom… Because that’s often what happens; women go for sex, and then they don’t even get what they come for. One of my colleagues put its like that they’re showing up for dinner and no food is served. [laughter] And that really is the reality of a lot of what women experience during sex.
So maybe it’s not this particular man that she’s with, but if that’s been her experience in the past, she’s gonna carry that in her body, and it’s going to take really proving to her that you’re different; that you’re going to be there, you’re going to make sure that she gets her six-course meal. That is what’s so important. And if you’re a man, maybe it’s not your fault the experiences that she’s had in the past. It’s not your fault the epigenetics that she carries from the women in her lineage… But you can make a difference right now. And those are the type of guys that I tend to work with, the ones that are like “Alright, I get it. Maybe this isn’t my fault, but I am willing, I want to be the one that makes a difference now.”
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Thank you. And what would making a difference be? Because I know a lot of men will feel disappointed, because oftentimes men are interested in sex, and it’s also an avenue to feel more connected emotionally. So he’s seeking that contact, and then if she’s got these barriers to saying yes and he’s feeling disappointed, but then she’s worried about “Oh, I’m disappointing him, or he’s mad, or he’s frustrated”, what would the making a difference be in that type of scenario?
Sarah Rose: Yeah, it’s important for men to understand where women are coming from. At least 50% of women have experienced sexual abuse, and even beyond that 50%, we live in a sex-negative culture that causes women to shut down and disconnect from their sexuality. For thousands of years women have had to choose whether they were going to be accepted by society or express their sexuality. And they’ve clearly chosen that they needed to survive; survival comes before procreation, so women have this. We have this, it’s embedded in our DNA that we cannot be sexual and survive. And clearly, here we are in 2020, things are different, but we still have that programming. It doesn’t just disappear overnight.
So when men are with women, they’ve got to understand that this is what they are dealing with. This isn’t to shame men, this isn’t to say “This is your fault”, but it is the reality of the world that we live in. So you’re gonna have to do the work, you’re gonna have to know how to be — if this is truly what you desire to have – if you want to have amazing sex with a woman that is just so fulfilling, so connected, that actually literally changes both of your lives, it’s going to take work to get to that place.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Thank you for naming that; it just feel really touching. So can you speak to anything a man could do to help create that safety, and showing up in that moment?
Sarah Rose: Yeah, communication is the foundation of any relationship, even if it’s a short relationship; communicating about desires, and wants, and needs – those things are important. I remember one lover that I had – we had never even met in-person; it was one of these internet things, through Instagram… And he’s pretty high-profile, and he saw my profile, and we’re like “Oh my God, [unintelligible 00:24:09.10]” So we’re just messaging back and forth, and then I was going to meet up with him, and we knew we were having sex, and we’d never even met in-person before. All it had been was Instagram messages. But he was communicating, he was interested. He wanted to know what did I want, what did I expect coming to have sex with him. What did I want him to do, what excited me… These things. He was curious about that before we even got there. He wanted to make sure than when we were together, he was showing up in a way that was going to satisfy me.
So communication is really important. You don’t have to make it into this dramatic thing or whatever, but it’s really considerate to just be like “What do you like? What do you want? How can I satisfy you? What feels good to you?”
Dr. Jessica Higgins: I love that. And what I’ve heard too women really speak to, and maybe it is a consequence of not feeling safe, that they haven’t really been connecting to their pleasure in their body… But sometimes women don’t have a lot to say. There’s a few couples that come to mind… Sometimes they know what they don’t want, but they don’t always know what they do want.
I even had a friend – this was long ago, and it was kind of a women circle, and she was like “I never had an orgasm before”, and I was like “Do you masturbate?” and she’s like “No…” and I’m like, “Woman, you need to get on that”, just to know your body… But I’m just curious, for you, what do you see? I know you work more with men… But if they’re getting from their partner that she doesn’t offer a lot, do you have any input around that?
Sarah Rose: Yeah, so I actually started as a women’s sex coach first, before I started working with men… And all these issues that we’re talking about, for me to help women through – women need to help themselves just as much. It definitely is a two-way street, and women need to take responsibility for their pleasure. They need to claim their pleasure, they need to own it. “This is mine, this is my birthright. I’m going to explore this and find what makes me excited, what lights me up, what makes my body on fire.” Women really do need to take responsibility for themselves as well.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: And do you have any tip around — I know there’s probably a whole plethora of things, but is there something you would say on a basic level?
Sarah Rose: Yes, so masturbation is really good. I am not saying “Don’t ever use a vibrator” or anything, but I really like to train our bodies with physical touch. If you’re training your body to respond in a certain way only to a vibrator, it’s similar to a man training his body only to respond to porn. When you’re with somebody, it’s gonna be more difficult to respond to human touch. So the way you train your body in masturbation is really key. So doing tantric masturbation practices is what I would say is the ultimate, because then you’re training your body to really experience incredible sex; multiple orgasms, full-body orgasms, orgasms that just spread throughout, or go on for hours… I’ve had orgasms that have gone on for days, that just felt like — not like that peak orgasmic state…
And a lot of times when we’re talking about orgasm, people only have in mind the typical male ejaculatory orgasm, which is that kind of convulsing peak state that lasts for maybe 30 seconds, and then it crashes down. That’s not the type of orgasm I’m talking about. There’s so many ways we can experience orgasms in our bodies. It can be rushes of energy, it can feel like waves just flooding your body over and over, it can feel like energy that comes up from your genitals to the top of your head, and then comes back down, and back up, and back down, and just keeps circling. So exploring different ways that you can have orgasms on your own – it’s gonna make it a lot easier when you’re with your partner.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: That’s so great, I love it. Thank you for offering that, because I do think there’s just some classic things I see around even getting to the place of really presencing with one another, so I think these are really helpful. And I know you help around men who maybe struggle with pre-ejaculation, and erectile dysfunction, and different things… Can you speak to what might be going on there?
Sarah Rose: Yeah, so premature ejaculation most of the time it’s not something that is a medical disorder. It’s very normal for me to ejaculate early. Some studies show up to 70% of men do… If that many men are experiencing it, how can it be abnormal? And it definitely is the main thing that’s happening. So when you look at human history, when we were tribal, we were not in a large bedroom, with air conditioning – you’re out there, in nature, and there are predators around, ejaculating quickly was actually really in our favor. That is what sex was designed for. It was designed for us to procreate.
So if he is ejaculating quickly, it’s more likely that the sperm is going to get inside of her, and procreation will happen. So those genes have been passed down, and it’s really a new phenomenon, as far as we know, in human history, where people are having sex for pleasure most of the time, rather than procreation. And so we still have these original, these biological tendencies that are there, and thankfully, there are ways that guys can now include practices like tantra, breath practices, so that they’re not ejaculating as quickly.
And they can actually learn how to have orgasms without ejaculating, so that way men can have sex as long as they want and not have to wait until the very end to have the orgasmic experience. Because orgasm and ejaculation are different. And men have evolved for them to happen close to the same time, so that way it’s an incentive to ejaculate, but the orgasm is a different occurrence. So by being able to have orgasms throughout sex, men can have multiple orgasms. They can have all the same pleasure throughout sex like a woman can, without needing to ejaculate at that point. And then whenever they’re ready, they can ejaculate at that point, rather than having to ejaculate in order to have all of their pleasure.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: It’s a total different mindset. Now, you’re really speaking to the physiology and really helping recognize that the ejaculation doesn’t have to be so closely tied to the orgasm, and then I imagine through your work, helping people with the breath work and the tantric practices to work with that. Now, do you find that there’s any emotional component to premature ejaculation?
Sarah Rose: Yes, definitely. Sometimes premature ejaculation is something that only is situational. Maybe sometimes the guy can go 20 minutes without ejaculation, and then sometimes he’s like “Oh, it was only two minutes.” So that is more situational. And sometimes that happens because of performance anxiety, which definitely is the bulk of the work that I do with men – around their psychological and emotional aspects of how they show up in the bedroom.
Maybe a guy had never ejaculated early, and then he was really stressed out from work, or she looked extra-hot one night, and he came really quick, and he was surprised, and she was surprised… And it kind of seeded in him this idea like “Oh no, I don’t want that to happen again. She was disappointed. I feel embarrassed.” And then he gets stuck in his head, and this loop happens. It happens again and again and again because of him.
The same thing shows up with not being able to get hard, or losing your erection. So I’m not talking about clinically-diagnosed erectile dysfunction, but I’m talking about erectile dysfunction that shows up as more performance anxiety. That happens to men as well in that way.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yes. I remember — I think it was Alison Armstrong, and she was talking about having a plan B… That if there is any disappointment, that there’s something else that can happen, so that, like you’re saying, the woman doesn’t maybe feel disappointed, or there’s other opportunities for pleasure. I’m curious what you might say about that.
Sarah Rose: Yeah, definitely. Know how to pleasure a woman beyond penis in vagina sex. Again, I feel like that should just be the basics. Know how to satisfy a woman with your mouth, and with your hands, and if you’re using toys, with toys as well. There’s so much beyond the penis. And just the idea that the penis is the center of the sexual experience – that puts a lot of pressure on a man to be a certain size, look a certain way, be hard a certain amount of time, ejaculate or not ejaculate in a certain amount of time… And all of that pressure adds up, and it’s like “Alright, it’s just easier to get off to porn.”
You see men in that state of like “It’s just too much work to be with a woman.” [laughs] And I get it. Women have the same thing… Like, “Oh, I have to smell a certain way, I have to look a certain way, I have to wax… All these different things. And then I have to make sure I come quickly enough so he doesn’t get bored…” We just put so much pressure on ourselves, in something that just should be fun.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: No kidding… And then like you’re saying, in more long-term relationship, you add domestic, and dual incomes, and perhaps children, and it kind of starts to suck the energy out of this real sacred space. I know we’re getting close to the end of our time, but you also talk about why couples stop having sex. I’d love to get your input.
Sarah Rose: Yeah, so there’s a few reasons for this. First is biological. And I always like to look at biology first, and then see what we can do about it when we’re conscious of it. There have been studies that show there are actually three different stages of love. These studies were done by Dr. Helen Fisher; she’s dedicated her career to studying the science of love. So we know that the first stage of love is very testosterone-driven; this is lust. It comes from the genitals, the sex organs, and it’s that drive to go out and find someone to procreate with.
Then we move into the next stage of love, which is that romantic state of love. So we’ve found somebody that lights us up, that we’re excited about… And it’s dopamine-driven, it’s serotonin, it’s rushes of adrenaline… Literally, you can’t see clearly. And it’s designed in that way on purpose, so that way you don’t see the person’s flaws, you just want to make a baby with this person. “Oh my God, I’m so in love with you! I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. You’re amazing, you’re perfect”, all of that stuff… And our brains cannot handle that amount of those hormones beyond 4-18 months. Beyond that, we would literally go crazy, because it is just too much. So during that time, it’s designed that hopefully we’ll have procreated, and now there’s a baby.
Then the next stage of love is the attachment period, which is oxytocin-based. That stage of love is designed to carry us through the child being of survivable age. And that’s it. Survivable age is around age 6. So at that point, nature is kind of like [unintelligible 00:36:54.25] [laughs] So there’s not a whole lot of biology driving us to stay together. We’ve served our purpose, basically. So in order for couples to move beyond that, it’s going to take looking at your relationship as if it was a child, and doing the work necessary to keep this new entity that you’ve created, that you’ve brought alive… Because if you don’t, it’s not going to thrive. It will really suffer and die.
Also, because of the amount of just shame and guilt that we have around sex, particularly women, but men have a lot of this, too – there’s so much embedded into men as to what it means to show up as a man in bed. For some men it’s more conservative-type programming, that has taught them that sex is only to be within certain confines, and it’s bad, it’s something that’s kind of dirty… There’s other men that have the programming of like “Just get out there and have sex with as many women as possible, and that’s what’s going to make you a man.” Women have a lot of negative conditioning.
So once we get out of that 4 to 18-month period where you start to see clearly again, reality starts to hit… And all of that past programming shows up, big-time. You remember who you are, who you were. All these patterns that you have, and the emotional residue of just the guilt, the shame; all of that starts to show up, and people really shut down again sexually at that point.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Gotcha. When you’re talking, Sarah, it’s like “I don’t know how anybody doesn’t do the shadow work”, or having some practices that help with the breath, or like you’re saying, the tantric practices. It’s just astronomical, with the burden, and the shame, and the stress, and the pressure.
Sarah Rose: It’s a lot. It really is a lot. And shadow work isn’t fun. It’s not this thing where you’re like “Oh, I’m so excited I get to go pull out all my shit.” [laugh]
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Exactly
Sarah Rose: I think that’s why people avoid it. But you’ve gotta keep your eye on the prize, like “What is your desire? What are you moving towards? What are you really excited about?” And sometimes you’ve just gotta go through a little bit of pulling out the junk to move through, to clear out the swampy stuff so you can get to the fresh water.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: No kidding! If we look at a long-term sustained relationship, it’s developing and growing to have this alive, vitality, fresh love-making. It’s so worth it, versus what we’re talking about around the pressure, and the shame, and living in this narrow window… Oh, gosh. So I love that you’re doing what you’re doing.
How do people get in touch with what you’re offering, and your programs, and your teaching?
Sarah Rose: So my website has links for everything. That’s the best place to go. It’s tantricactivation.com. That has links to my Instagram, which is also @tantricactivation. Twitter is @iamsarahrose. My podcast is Sex and Sarah Rose, and you can find that on the website as well.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Wonderful. I’ll make sure to put that link on today’s show notes. Sarah, thank you for spending your valuable time with us today on this super-important topic.
Sarah Rose: Thank you for having me. It was great to get to know you.
I hope you have enjoyed today’s interview, again, with Sarah Rose. Again, you can find access to today’s show notes at DrJessicaHiggins.com, click on Podcast, and there you can find all of the episodes. And again, today’s episode is 239, “How to break out of sexual routines and ignite more pleasure”, an interview with Sarah Rose.
Until next time, I hope you take great care.
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