Hi, thank you for joining today’s podcast episode. Today’s episode is 242, “How to stop being attracted to emotionally unavailable partners”, an interview with Ryan Haddon.
If you would like access to today’s show notes, you can visit DrJessicaHiggins.com, click on Podcast there in the top navigation bar, and you’ll find all of the episodes. The most recent episode is at the top. Again, today’s episode, 242.
Before we get started, I wanna just invite you to take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. And as we do this, and just inviting some level of gratitude, perhaps feeling grateful for your energy, your effort your intention in improving your moves in relationships, and improving yourself as you develop, and also improving the development of your relationship.
Also, perhaps sending gratitude to our community at large, all of the listeners here with the Empowered Relationship podcast, and also giving gratitude for all the contributors who offer tips, tools, resources, research, wisdom to consider as we navigate the long-term terrain of lasting intimacy.
The intention for the Empowered Relationship podcast is to support you along that journey, so you feel better equipped, more prepared in dealing with the ups and dealing with the downs, and perhaps knowing how to work more skillfully and mindfully, so that you can turn conflict into learning opportunities for yourself and for your relationship.
If you would like to go deeper with these principles, you can visit DrJessicaHiggins.com and find many ways to get more information. One of the ways to deepen in your practice and your understanding is engaging in a course, that again, supports you in a deeper dive. Also, getting coaching. Again, you can find all of this, as well as today’s show notes, on DrJessicaHiggins.com.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Ryan Haddon is a certified Life and Spiritual Coach, Hypnotherapist, and certified Meditation teacher with over 16 years of experience with clients worldwide. A sought-after public speaker for corporate retreats and wellness events, Ryan does private workshops such as “Stepping Into Your Purpose,” “The Work/Life Balance,” and “Finding Your Center.” Ryan was a keynote speaker for Visionary Women’s 2020 virtual event and a featured speaker at CAA’s 2020 global wellness event. She’s also the in-house Life Coach at Kourtney Kardashian’s website Poosh, where she writes mind/body/spirit articles.
Ryan, thank you so much for joining us today.
Ryan Haddon: It’s so great to be here, Jessica. Thank you so much for having me.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yes… I know that you talk and really work with people on a number of issues, and today we’re gonna be talking about emotional unavailability… And I guess I’m just curious if you could give people who maybe don’t know you, just some context around where you’re coming from with this topic, and perhaps even what got you interested in looking at this.
Ryan Haddon: Yeah, I think it’s an important conversation to be having, because I feel like people talk a lot about narcissism, and I wanna be clear that that is actually quite rare. It’s a personality disorder that requires a clinical diagnosis. So my interest in this emotional unavailability was really mining that, and what does it feel like — it can feel similar to being with a narcissist, in that it’s all about them, but it’s slightly different.
Here’s how I see it – and chances are, if you’re in a relationship with someone who’s emotionally unavailable, you’re probably feeling pretty destabilized at all times, so your partner is most likely keeping you at arms’ length. You might find that you can’t talk deeply about the reltaionship itself, about what you need and you want. And most definitely, not where the two of you as a couple are headed. So you’re walking on relational egg shells, not knowing if you could send your person bolting, or emotionally walling up should you close in on anything remotely confronting to them, or emotional… Because you want this sense of clarity in this relationship, you feel like you have this dynamic between you, where you’re the pusher and they’re the runner. And that’s really challenging, because when you’re entering into a committed relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, you’re just always feeling like you’re not safe, in a sense; or your focus is externally focused on to them, and you’re constantly reading them. So that’s your stuff, which is important to look at… But also knowing that they actually probably can’t give you more than they are. And if you manage to get past go, your relationship might be well under way and you might feel like you’re dancing all the time, constantly taking their emotional temperature, gauging their reactions for fear of being shut out. And that’s really a hellacious paradigm to be in in a relationship.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: And Ryan, I’m just curious – if you see a difference between what this emotional unavailability will look like, like examples of it when people are dating, and what it could also look like when people are in relationship.
Ryan Haddon: Well, I feel that emotional unavailability is a good term to describe when you’re with someone who’s always setting the terms, who’s withdrawing emotionally and physically when you get too close, probably because they’re afraid to be vulnerable, or they can’t hold space for your emotions, and it just feels like this one-sidedness, with you always having to accept that they’re not really needing you in that same playing field that you wanna be in… And then you might feel this frequency, or feeling angry, and lonely, and invalidated, and rejected. But yet, you still wanna be with them. So it’s not always so easy as saying “This isn’t working” and walking away. But sometimes understanding who they are and why they are that way is helpful to help you get more comfortable within that instability. And it can also help you decide if it’s time to go or move on.
I have a little checklist of what I think emotional unavailability is, but then maybe anyone listening can tune in — I’m sure they have their own. But these are some that I’ve thought of, that there’s no sharing of experiences, truly, like of deep thoughts or emotions from them. They might deflect from themselves by asking about you constantly. They could make excuses about not getting together, or are prone to canceling plans; that would be when you’re in the dating stages of things, so you might wanna look for that.
They might be dismissive of your emotional states and can make fun of you. They might even call you intense, which – I don’t know why is it put down, because it just means you’re living with passion. That’s a good reframe.
They might have a long history of failed relationships, which – you know, some of us have; emotionally unavailable or not. But it might be something to add on that list.
And then they call the shots. They’re tending to choose what you do when you’re together, preferring to stay in their routines so they can control outcomes. Because basically, they are living from this place of fear. They’re always gauging. So they might have this very passive, outward way of being, but within, there’s this mechanism that they have, where they’re constantly gauging – too close, not safe, you’re pushing into territory that I’m not comfortable in… And that’s like hyper-management.
They might even tell you that they struggle to connect with others and they aren’t ready for a serious relationship, and usually, oftentimes as women we can hear that and say “Oh, that’s just because they haven’t met the right person. If I can just love them enough…” – which often also sounds like what people in abusive relationships do. “If they could just feel how much I love them, they would change. They would feel safe.” But I think it’s qualifying that, again, the most powerful thing is people tell you who they are, and we have to listen and make adjustments and move into total acceptance that this is what it is, and I can’t change anything. It’s just a mission in futility.
They might be extremely analytical, so they might focus on the facts of an issue and never talk about feelings around it, because that’s, again, uncomfortable. They could avoid social situations outside of work, maybe for fear that those interpersonal connections might strengthen, which everyone might see as a positive. They could be cold and distant, above it all, too cool for school, and it might essentially feel like you are doing all the heavy-lifting within the relationship. And somehow you just don’t seem to grow closer. No matter how much you seem to move through, you have talks, it just doesn’t feel like that intimacy is making progress. Again, this is in the dating, and you might even be noticing that if you’re in a relationship over time… And they might also avoid naming what you are together.
I’ve found from some of the research of different people that have studied this – they’ve said that most often they’re super high-functioning and demanding of themselves and their place in the world, so in that area. And when they do have children, they’re unnaturally hyper-focused on them, bordering on obsessive, because it’s safe for them to express love, because kids won’t leave, hurt, ridicule etc.
So those are some of the lessons. I’m sure everyone can round those out. I’m not a clinical psychologist, but these are just things that I’ve picked up and studied a little bit here and there, and put this list together… So it’s loose.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: As in even just the research categories typically are, because we’re trying to study and understand some components… But the lived experience – I have a friend who’s like “We’re all unique snowflakes”, which I agree with… And I am a clinical psychologist, and I think even a lot of my professors were like “It depends…” when we’re talking about people; we can look at big numbers and make some theory, but…
So I’m curious for you, Ryan, when you’re talking about emotional unavailability – this is super-helpful, and I’m so glad that you have a checklist, so that people can kind of recognize… Because again, when we’re in it, we might, again, be in the dance, and might not see so clearly, or be caught up in it… And also, when you’re talking about the list, I can see that there’s ways that most people engage in that a little bit from time to time. So is there a difference for you when it becomes more notable or problematic, or where it’s kind of normal?
Ryan Haddon: I think it’s just what each person, when they’re pairing up, how it feels. It always goes back to what it feels like to you, and how you’re reading that. If it does feel like the person’s always keeping you at arms’ length, like “What is that about? What are they protecting? How can I not get closer no matter how much I love?”
And then to be completely transparent, in my single days I dated quite a few of those men and I couldn’t quite figure out what was happening. And I would say to myself “You know what –” I was in a huge period of spiritual transformation, so I was doing a lot of prayer work, a lot of meditation, a lot of hypnosis actually, and really digging through my past and trying to connect the dots, like “Who in my past was emotionally unavailable, that I keep calling this up over and over?” It’s my shadow, which I’m sure you could speak on much more thoroughly… But why does this keep coming around for me? Where am I not stepping into this love for myself? How am I afraid to show up and love myself?
So I’m calling in the same person that keeps reflecting back to me, that I’m not enough, that I’m not worthy of love, that I’m not — through their holding that line, that they can’t go into this intimate dance with me. So it looks like “Oh, well, I’m so loving. I’ll just hold space for these emotionally unavailable men… I’ll just hold space for them.” But essentially, I wasn’t holding space for me. And that’s what gets interesting.
So we can make these pretty lists, and “Oh yeah, he fits that list”, but it’s helpful in recognizing it first off, and again, realizing “There’s nothing I can do. There’s nothing I can do to hasten your journey.” All I can do on the emotional availability path is figure out why I’m here and why this pattern keeps coming up. And that’s where it gets fun, and that’s where the dating part can get exciting… Because you’re gonna keep calling in that same animal, until it’s something you take a good look at. “Why does it keep showing up for me?” That curiosity, bring that to the relationship space; certainly to the dating space, absolutely in the relationship space.
It was such fertile ground for me, and I did end up closing a lot of loops, I feel, from relationships that were unnegotiated before these people showed up for me in the way that they did. So… Much, much gratitude to them. But again, it’s like, “Why is this here for me? How am I in resistance to my own ability to take a leap of faith in love department?” And we tell ourselves these stories… Right?
Dr. Jessica Higgins: I was just appreciating your willingness to share, but also the clarity… And when you were talking about the checklist, I was like “Oh, okay, so she’s speaking about people who maybe practice in some of these behavior of being emotionally withdrawn, and that has to do with perhaps their capacity, or feeling safe…” I was interested in your perspective around what might be true for people that are a little more emotionally available, but also you spoke to “That’s us, when we find ourselves in this dance.” Like, there’s things to look at for the person that’s maybe in the pursuer role…
And I will also just share with you – I have talked about it on this show, I do my best to practice these principles myself, and have my own journey… And also, in my young adult years, navigating relationship, I’ve found an attraction to men that weren’t as available as I wanted them to be… And for me, that had to do with a deep fear of abandonment and having some really early losses in my life… And it was so important for me to be aware to that; the shadow work, like you’re talking about, and the lesson and the curriculum in that that helped me in my development.
So I just appreciate your sharing, and just your naming that when we’re recognizing and having consciousness around what we’re experiencing, that there’s something there for us.
Ryan Haddon: And that’s so funny, how as soon as you get that gift and that dynamic with that other person, and then all of a sudden you’re not attracted anymore; or all of a sudden they start to fall away, and you’re like “Oh, I wonder how that happened? Yes, because I got the learning.” If you’re walking through it consciously, and trusting that the mirrors keep coming, so that we can see who we are in relation to who we’re loving. So once we get that, then all of a sudden it’s done its work and it moves on.
You could have this feverish relationship with someone and be the pursuer – in my case – and have this desire to see how this would unfold, or how it could culminate in how I at that point wanted it to come to pass… And then also just say “You know what – I’m just gonna keep mining my side of the street, because I really can’t control anything they’re doing and saying, and how they’re showing up in this…” And then I got what I needed, and then it dissolved.
So that’s like just so incredibly beautiful, and has taught me so much about how I am so very responsible for how I show up. I’ve been now married for 13 years, but that was such great training ground for me within this current relationship too, of like “What’s my side of the street? Where am I asking that person to meet my needs?” and that’s an impossibility. It can’t be done truly. They might be able to adjust some behaviors when you’re cohabiting, and different ways of being, and of course, it’s very healthy to sit down and say “You know, when you do this, I feel this. Can we adjust?” and “What can I do?” Those are all valuable and beautiful conversations, but ultimately, you are not responsible for my emotional state.
So being with that emotional unavailability – that was my fertile ground to learn those lessons. So bowing down to those humans who played those beautiful roles for me and for my evolution.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yes, no kidding… Because it’s like, the dance doesn’t exist if they’re not there, and it’s hard to see…
Ryan Haddon: Right.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: And one of the things, Ryan, I wonder if you can speak to if people are listening and recognizing — sorry, I wanna say the things [unintelligible 00:17:57.20] when you were talking about it falls away, one of the ways I kind of experienced it is like I had — not so much blinders, or maybe even a certain film over my glasses, like I wasn’t able to see beyond that dynamic, and once I was able to take that ownership and look at what was in it for me, it’s like there were so many more possibilities. There are men that are more emotionally available, or are interested in engaging in a different way, and maybe the way that I’m more interested in… So that responsibility and ownership allowed me to see much more possibility. And then also, it’s exciting, because there’s more possibility, but it’s also scary, because it’s in my hands a little bit more.
Ryan Haddon: Yeah, and when you get that you’re calling in this emotionally unavailable person, because if you believe we attract where we’re at, then what part of you is withholding love from yourself? Where do you feel that you don’t deserve to be loved, or for someone to show up in their full self, to cherish and honor all that you are right in this moment? These are question to contemplate and go deeper with, in the context of your relationship to yourself.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Do you work with people that are more in the camp of behaving in ways that are more emotionally withdrawn or unavailable, or do you work with people that are more like in this case the pursuer?
Ryan Haddon: I work more in the too much; the people that have lots of emotions, and are figuring out how they can repurpose those, so that it goes back into themselves. Anyone comes to me for different — “I’m looking for my purpose, I’m looking for this relationship to get resolution around it”, I always navigate it back to you. Where are you at with you? What’s your relationship to you? Let’s mine that, let’s uncover that. Let’s move to coaching and let’s do hypnosis, and let’s figure out what your subconscious mind’s beliefs are, and how you’re navigating through your life with this blueprint about your relationship to you. We always start there.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: And how does somebody who might be listening and resonating with “I have this frustration around continuing to find myself in this dance with people that aren’t available?” I guess pain is a big teacher. “I don’t wanna experience this anymore.” That would be a wake-up sign. But what else might people be able to notice or recognize that maybe they’re ready? Is it just the pain and the frustration, or…?
Ryan Haddon: Yeah, and I guess we don’t ever end things until we’re done. So it’s being so compassionate. I remember I had so many people around me going like “Ryan, you’re so amazing. Why are you in these relationships?” And I’d say “Because this is the best I can do for where I am at this moment.” So it’s an absolute acceptance that I was holding space, until it showed me the gifts that needed to be delivered. Do you know what I’m saying?
I think if you’re in it, have ultimate compassion for you and the person that you’re in this dance with. You can’t wish it to be different. It ends when you’re good and ready. It ends when you’ve had enough. It ends when you feel like there might be something else. There’s a window of grace that opens and you hear something, and you’re like “Oh, that’s me.” Maybe someone listening goes “Oh, that checklist feels so true, and I feel like there could be something else. I could really be ready for a different experience.”
So everyone’s gonna have what that burning bush is for them, but I think it’s being kind and loving to yourself as you’re going through it, because it’s here for you.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yeah, and you said something earlier that I so resonate with, and the curiosity… Because as I’m listening, I’m like “Well, do you have some beginning places for people?” and it sounds like just having this kindness, this compassion for yourself and your partner… And I wonder, what are some of the beginning steps of turning towards and having more awareness or consciousness around what might be in it for someone listening.
Ryan Haddon: I think it’s knowing that that healing is afoot. That it’s here for you. Start there. I remember doing a graph, if you will, of all the people that had shown up in my life in an intimate way, and what their gifts were, and how they were interconnected, and how there was sameness and differentness; that was really helpful.
So working with someone is helpful as well. Sometimes that’s daunting to face on your own, in your apartment, at your desk, and it’s nice to sift through that and have accountability and have encouragement and have support. That was helpful for me personally. And then of course, I’m a hypnotherapist, so I am a big believer in having the subconscious be a modality — working with hypnosis is a modality to really help with that.
But I think just acknowledging — it always starts there, like “Wow, this is the truth for me. And I would like it to be different.” And then the How, and the Why, and all that starts to come into play. I think asking for help is important if you can’t see your way out on your own. Because if you could, you would have. So it’s okay to ask for help, it’s okay to say “I’m ready for a different experience now”, and knowing that the work — it’s not them, it’s you. So putting that focus back on you, and bringing, like you said, that curiosity. “Why am I here? What is here for me?” It’s always gonna be a great place to start.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Right. And the quality of the question. If we ask the question of “How come my partner is such and such?” The mind works on that, versus “Oh, I keep experiencing this. What is in this for me?” Or being curious. That starts to shift the perspective.
Ryan Haddon: Yeah.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: So I guess I’m curious if you’re open to sharing — because I’m familiar with hypnotherapy; in all honesty, I haven’t been to a hypnotherapist as far as a session, but I did use hypnotherapy meditations during my Ph.D. program to just support the confidence of that undertaking, of the dissertation, and the pre-doc, and all of that. My mom sent it to me actually, and I think it was just — I actually really feel like it was extremely helpful… But you use it in concert with your coaching, and I guess I’m just curious if you can help people understand the deeper beliefs and how the hypnotherapy works in conjunction with the coaching that you’re doing.
Ryan Haddon: Well, we have the subconscious mind, which operates 95% of our life, which is a staggering statistic… And the subconscious holds every memory you’ve ever had, any emotion you’ve ever felt, and your imagination. And it’s surrounded by the autonomic nervous system, which sends out all the fight and flight, feel good, all those things; you know this.
The thing is that you can have a conscious decision, like “I’m gonna do this today. I’m gonna do this”, and then instead, the subconscious mind decides based on your history of memories that you have, or emotions, when something comes down the pipeline, “You know what – no. We’re gonna do this instead. This is what makes you feel good.” It’s designed to make you feel safe, to keep you protected. But it’s not always rooted in reality and what’s actually currently taking place.
So you might be in a relationship with someone and they say something, and it triggers you, and the subconscious mind downloads a memory of like “When they say this, they’re gonna leave.” And all of a sudden, you find yourself compulsively saying or doing something that you didn’t set consciously that you were gonna do. But it’s just the subconscious mind is downloading some memory that it has from another time where something else happened. So that’s really challenging, when we’re all trying to live consciously and spiritually. What’s more is the subconscious recreates what’s familiar to it constantly, so that you can heal. That’s not its mission, but that’s this shadow of all those different parts, their mission – the same things come up over and over, until you are ready to say “Enough. I am gonna pay attention. What do I need to know? How can I become more whole?” That’s the subconscious’ role. I don’t think it actually knows that that’s its role, but that’s its role.
So it’s really about integrating and renegotiating old tapes, ways of being notions about love, abundance, prosperity, security – all those things have been laid down, they say, from the ages of 0 to 7, when were in that faded state of mind, which is when the subconscious is most receptive. And when we go into hypnosis, you have a good hypnotherapist navigate you through into that faded state, when the subconscious is most impressionable, most able to upload a new idea.
We’re dipping into those states throughout the day, so you don’t actually need a hypnotherapist. It’s a very concentrated way of doing it, but you can learn self-hypnosis. For anyone listening – that’s on my website, ryanhaddon.com. You can go on there and there’s a self-hypnosis you can learn and use that and apply it to anything in your life, truly. It’s very powerful, and I’d love everyone to know how to do it, to put yourself into that faded state and really upload a new idea. In this case, we’re talking about emotional unavailability, but you can upload a new idea about what a loving, present, beautiful exchange between one person and another looks and feels like. And if your subconscious can grab onto that and create that as a blueprint going forward, then that’s what you’re gonna call in. That’s what’s gonna be resonant with the subconscious.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Right, because it’s the felt experience of the nervous system, and the survival mechanisms at play, and even the attachment system. If we’re talking about relationship and the inner workings of that, it’s very cognitive – what we believe is gonna happen, our muscles, our emotional experience… So when we haven’t known anything different, it’s sometimes – like I was saying before – hard to see beyond our known experience. So it sounds like in the awareness and questioning “What’s in it for me?” in conjunction with downloading, installing a different possibility or a different belief, it’s giving that nervous system a little bit of an imprint, if you will, about that experience of having that loving exchange. Is that what I’m hearing you say?
Ryan Haddon: Yes, yes.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Do you find — I’m curious just what your opinion is… So often in transformational work they talk about having the insight is one thing, but when you have the emotional experience, that it opens up a lot more change in the whole constellation of a person… And I’m just curious – do you feel in your coaching work when somebody gets the emotional a-ha, or this shift, do you feel that that impacts their subconscious and their belief system?
Ryan Haddon: I feel like it can, but I do feel that the subconscious can override the conscious a-ha, because it goes back to habitual thoughts, and it goes back to the neuropathways that get etched in a certain way – of worry, of anxiety, of doing things the way we’ve always done them. So I think really [unintelligible 00:29:28.27] Great to have the a-ha, but that’s why it works so great with coaching and hypnosis. We get the a-ha, and then we move it into the subconscious to make sure that it takes root, and that you can really live your life from that shift on both conscious and unconscious levels.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Because then it sounds like the installation of the belief creates an imprint and a patterning that then you get to start to live from, and it’s almost like you’re letting the old habits atrophy and building anew. Is that right?
Ryan Haddon: Beautifully said, yeah.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: I love it. Well, I guess I’m curious if there’s more you wanna help people understand about this emotional unavailability that we’re speaking about in relationship.
Ryan Haddon: I think we’ve covered quite a bit, I really do. I think we’re on such an amazing journey, all of us; we’re in different phases of evolution and experience and growth… And just knowing that everyone has had their versions of thinking their relationship is gonna solve it, or thinking “I can get my needs met externally, and it’s gonna show up in 100 different ways”, until we take full responsibility for our relationship to ourself and how we stand in relationship to others.
So we’ll pull in the emotional unavailability, we’ll pull in the abusive, and then we pull the person who’s emotionally unavailable [unintelligible 00:30:55.07] different role, when someone’s chasing us. We switch roles all the time… And just knowing there’s that fluidity, and that compassion that we talked about is so key. We’re always doing the best we can, we’re all walking our way home, and there are mentors and guides along the way… And to absolutely take advantage of that, absolutely just know that those sorts of people certainly have shown up in my life to help me become my own mentor in my own life, ultimately… Because even those people, those helpers, those coaches, those hypnotherapists – they’re just lighting the path to myself, so that I can learn to lean into my own intuition, and my own wealth and depth of wisdom that I have curated and cultivated. So just knowing it’s okay to ask, and that there’s so much available to us out there, of really people who are standing in their truth and in the light.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yes, I love that… That it’s not out there, that it’s really within, and that there are people to support that journey. But that’s the goal, is to have that contact and that living from within. I love it. So beautiful. Thank you.
I guess I’m curious if you have any tool or tip if somebody that’s listening and resonating with what yo’re talking about, you’re saying the kindness and the compassion, the curiosity, the getting support – is there anything, a tool or tip that you wanna suggest if somebody is starting to contemplate the shift from maybe that pursuer tendency to looking at themselves?
Ryan Haddon: I would say just grow out your spiritual life. Start there. Really deep-dive into that connection. And if you have a connection with something greater, that will carry you through a lot. There’s a lot of grace that will carry through all these little stops and starts along our journey of relationship to self and others… But I think that’s really a shortcut to turning the volume down on all the noise, and creating that stillness. So start there, and then journal. Write about how you feel being the pusher; write about how it feels to be in partnership with someone who’s not all-in. Write about all those feelings and really connect with that.
Some of us, we have — what is it, 60,000 unconscious thoughts a day? So try to get a handle on those a little bit. Connect with yourself throughout the day; consciously connect where you can, as often as you can, and ask “How am I doing? How am I feeling? What’s my next right thought and action?” That’s how we start to build that connection to self. So it’s not just when we’re on the meditation mat, and before we go to sleep. It’s throughout our day, where we’re weaving this thread to our day, that we’re validating our experience.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Yes, I am such a fan. I love it. And for people listening, I don’t know — sorry, I keep asking more questions; this is my last one. For people that are listening that maybe don’t have a particular spiritual practice already developed, is there anything that you would invite to make some space for that connection to higher power?
Ryan Haddon: I think it’s okay to say I don’t have a connection. It’s just redefining what spirituality is. It’s pulling away from the matrix of the world, and going into stillness, and creating a new paradigm from which you live your life out of, inside out. If it’s not calling in a relationship something greater, you are that something greater. There is a higher self within you; connect to that. You don’t have to bow down before anybody, but to connect and know that there’s a divine — you are a divine being, you are a sovereign being. All of that is within you.
So to not try to connect to that through breadth, stillness, meditation, journaling – that’s your birthright. So start there, and if you can find a meditation that’s easy, of just focusing on the breath, on the in-breath and on the out-breath; just on the in-breath and on the out-breath. Seeing a thought, letting a thought come, letting it go – that’s just what meditation is. It doesn’t have to be 100 different [unintelligible 00:35:10.08] and postures and mantras; that’s what can complicate things for people. But it really is just about setting a timer for 3-5 minutes; start there, and just have breath coming in, and breath going out. Notice that space between the breaths. It’s just one technique. If a thought comes, let it come. Come back to the breath.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: Thank you, Ryan. I know you share and offer so much… How can people get in touch with what you’re doing and what you’re offering?
Ryan Haddon: I think the most current of what I’m thinking and feeling and offering is on Instagram. I’m at @ryanhaddoncoach. I’d love to meet you there, so come on over. I’m always talking about coaching groups I’m doing, and workshops, and just offering my thoughts. I write a lot for different publications, and they usually publish there. So it’s all beautiful.
And I love doing podcasts, so thank you for having me, Jessica. This was really a treat. Thank you.
Dr. Jessica Higgins: You’re welcome. And I’ll make sure to put the link to your Instagram, as well as your website, to have what you suggested around the hypnotherapy, self-hypnosis, as well as all that you’re doing. I know people will love to contact you.
I hope you have enjoyed today’s interview, again, with Ryan Haddon. If you would like access to today’s show notes, you can visit DrJessicaHiggins.com, click on Podcast there in the top navigation bar, and you’ll find all the podcast episodes listed there. Again, today’s episode is 242.
There on the show notes, in the Mentioned section, you’ll also find a free gift; a free relationship map that lays out the developmental process of relationship and the five stages. Now, the description of each stage is listed, as well as what the goal of each stage is, and how we can progress to the next stage, and as well, where we typically get stuck. Again, this is a helpful guide and a tool as we’re looking at how to develop ourselves in relationship, as well as cultivate the relationship development.
Again, you can find this on today’s show notes, 242, on DrJessicaHiggins.com, click on Podcast, and there you’ll find today’s episode.
Thank you for listening, and until next time, I hope you take great care.
0 Comments